A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Some advice would be much appreciated please. I went on a date yesterday afternoon with a guy my friends have been trying to set me up with for a while. On Friday just past, I started to feel ill (sore throat, achy, headache etc) and despite my best attempts to clear it by Sunday, I was still feeling terrible. However I felt like it was too late to cancel the date without it sounding like an excuse, so I took a load of cold and flu stuff and tried my best to appear fine. And I actually felt the date went well. I'm aware I wasn't 100% my usual self but we laughed and joked a lot so I felt it was going good. When he dropped me off he told me he'd definitely be in touch and we said goodbye. But today I've heard nothing and now I'm wondering if I've blown it by not being totally 'on it' when we met. He's seen me in real life several times at parties so he knew what I looked like and we've spoken on the phone a few times and he always seemed keen. But now, nothing? Should I have cancelled instead of powering through? I did mention feeling a bit ill when we were out and today I spiked a fever and the doctor has given me antibiotics for strep throat so I am definitely ill. Not that he knows that mind you. I'm also aware I could be overthinking this because I'm feeling rubbish, but any time a guy has been interested before he has got in touch almost straight away to say he had a good time so I'm confused about this one. Should I text him saying I had fun when he said he would? Should I apologise for being out of sorts? Opinions appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I suppose I'm thinking it must be something I did/ about my personality because he asked to be set up with me after seeing me at a few parties. Maybe he just didn't feel the 'click' as much as I did. Thanks again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2016): Being set-up by friends places you in the position to feel obligated to follow-through on an arranged date. Nobody's saying it didn't go well, or in any way it's your fault if it didn't. There are two sides to this situation. Pressuring people to date has unpredictable consequences.
I have never felt like following-up on a date someone setup for me. If the chemistry isn't there, it just isn't. It was a fun outing and that's that. Now you're taking things personally and feeling as if you've done something wrong, or you didn't measure-up to his expectations.
This is how most dates setup by friends go. They are awkward, you find yourself forcing yourself to be polite; and pretending to have more fun that you may really be having. You can only pretend so far. If you're not feeling well, it still shows beneath the facade. He may have misread it for boredom; or thought you may have been tired. I also speculate that you may have tried a little too hard to appear you're having a good time. It's really hard to fake you're having a good time, when you're doped-up with cold remedies. Even if you had a few laughs. It was cordial and friendly. You're possibly a very nice and attractive woman. If he never calls back, that doesn't change the fact.
As a gentleman, he has no choice but to appreciate that, respect you; and to treat you accordingly. Perhaps no romantic connection grew of it.
If he's genuinely interested, you will hear from him. If there is a long lapse in time before you do, that's an indication he's just not that into you. Maybe he got all he wanted out of just one date. Nobody's fault. That's how dating goes sometimes. There are no guarantees a match would be made.
My advice. Shrug it off! You weren't feeling well, but you were a trooper. He doesn't seem all that eager to plan another date. So redirect your energies. Don't put yourself in a slump trying to read some guy's mind. He's got a mouth, a brain, and two hands. He can pickup a phone.
If he hasn't called, stop beating yourself up over someone you hardly even know. As far as first impressions go; either you hit it off, or you don't. Grinding your feelings into the pavement over a guy you don't know that well isn't being fair to yourself, my dear. It's polite to say, "let's do this again sometime." It would have hurt your feelings terribly had he said, "well it wasn't that great. Sorry, but I don't think I ought to see you again." That just isn't appropriate or considerate of a person's feelings.
Calling and pretending you're really interested is leading you on. He's just giving that awkward silence that indicates the date was fine, but not to expect much more.
Why did he say he wanted to see you again? It's polite, and no one really likes to look like a jerk face to face. Handle it with grace.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 Its only been a day so maybe leave it for a couple of days and see if he contacts you, maybe he doesn't want to seem to keen. If he does contact you well then you can say you have been ill and keep it at that, don't apologize for being ill you done nothing wrong, you still made and effort for him which shows that you are interested.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 January 2016):
 No one is 100% ON all the time. It's quite OK to have an off day, and personally... If I was sick... I'd rather call the guy and let him know rather then sit there and possibly give him whatever you are suffering from. Strep is no joke.
But I do think you are overthinking it.
IF he told you, I'd DEFINITELY call you... then he will or he is a twat. He might go by those idiotic rules of waiting 3 days before calling to not seem over interested.
Should you apologize? no, you have nothing to apologize for. Should you text him and tell him you had fun, no I wouldn't.
Give it a couple of days, if you hear nothing more along. No point in chasing someone.
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