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female
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anonymous
writes: I have this very complicated situation. There is s guy I like. I’ve met him since going away to college. We all hang out in a group of about 10 of us, and we met thru the college's website before coming to the college. The first time we met, we kissed, we were rather wasted. I thought nothing of it, we started hanging out as a group and all was fine. No awkwardness, no fuss. Then, we went to a bar together, all of us, we got wasted again and he ended up coming back to mine, although we didn’t have sex we just messed around some and by the time anything happened, we weren’t even drunk anymore.For one reason or another we didn’t see each other for a while. Then we all went out again together and we, he in particular, got wasted, again. Yeah, you guessed it. he came back to mine...we ended up sleeping together and though it is a huge deal for me to sleep with someone I didn’t mind because I do really like this guy. All was fine, no complications but now, well we do speak but that’s it. I know looking at it from an outside perspective I would think 'oh, he’s just using you' but there were little things that he did that made me think it was genuine. Mainly talking me round, as I was completely against him coming back the second time and the reason I gave was because I actually was interested. He said he was too, and that why would he have done anything with me more than once if he wasn’t? etc. Also the way he acted the morning after, he was so sweet and kind and nice, he could have just grabbed his belongings and run. Either he's a very good at acting or....well I don’t know! Its confusing the hell out of me. Also, well he's screwed up anyway. Still very much attached to his ex-girlfriend and apparently in love with someone else! Well...not apparently, I know he is. I’m very perceptive when I want to be...I would love to know exactly what someone else thinks of the situation. I wouldn’t be surprised if you're as confused as I am. Thanks very much in advance!thanks a million......love leila.xx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): it's really not easy to say guys are very difficult to understand. i am passing from the same situation when we are 2gether we really enjoy time and we seem very close.But the minute that i get out his car i feel like million miles away. he is very sweet guy and caring. we are very open and we even talk about his ex girl friend. we only kissed once and we even had a fight that same night cause he tells me that he loves me and i tell him thats its impossible even tough i do love him. but on the other hand i have to see his perspective he is scared that he is gonna hurt again since he had to leave his ex girlfriend cause he found her with his best friend and his mum died few months ago. the only thing that i am gonna do is ask him about our relationship and how he sees it. even though he can lie but at least i would be doing something. and in life we all have to risk one day or another but be careful that u take care of urself and be strong enough to be ready to deal with the hurts. and remember that u are precious and special to alot of people and dont worry learn from ur expierence and i am sure that one fine day u will find the right guy 4 u.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2007): am in the exact position here. ive been "seein" a guy for bout year, we kissed when we seen each other for a few months then a didnt c him 4 2 or 3 months but recently weve been seeing each other every weekend and more often than not we end up spending the night together although we havent had sex yet. at the time hes soo sweet and nice and in the morning hes great 2 but aftwerwards he just seems 2 forget im ther! n dusnt relly bother 2 contact me 4 a while bt when i see him again hes all over me! am confused hes givin it like 2 different signals! help lol. both of uz r only 16 btw!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2006): i've likd this guy for ages and recently askd him ot he said no when i askd im why he just said because. i dont understand when hes had a drink he just tries it on with me and i kiss him back. does he think im cheap or sumit?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2005): Forget about him-it looks exactly as though that's exactly what this guy was doing-he was using you. You might have thought sex was a precursor to a deepening relationship but he obviously didn't. Just because he's an expert at romancing and bedding a girl-that is no indicator of his love or caring. I think you know this now. Never listen to words-actions and behaviours do speak louder! What is vitally important, though, is not to blame yourself. Treat this as a learning experience and nothing more. Just remember that people who are into sex before they've formed a good, solid relationship are probably not going to be lasting partners. You're not to blame for how he acts and please realize, most guys aren't like him. What you could learn from this, is to treat dating as a selection process and make sure you and a potential bf both share the same values, interests and ethics. Keep your self-respect and don't sleep with guys so readily. If by around the 4th date a guy won't say what he's hoping for from relationships in the long term, then he's probably not interested in a future. Then you know-he's not worth wasting time on and this is your cue to bow out before you get hurt. Mature, smart adults make choices, commit to relationships, and someday, marry. Only open your heart, body and emotions to ultimate intimacy with the one you love and you are certain they love you. There are many wonderful, good men out there looking for a woman who will be friend, lover, and life-mate. Just make sure you don’t make a habit of choosing emotionally unavailable men (still in love with the ex gf) like this guy, again. Take Care my dear and remember.Be selective and have fun!
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (17 November 2005):
 To me, this one is easy. People can be very persuasive when there is something they want involved. Here the scenario is a drunk college boy and a pretty girl. I am thinking he would have said most anything he thought you wanted to hear to get you in bed and being the smart guy he is be nothing but respectful in the morning if he is to have a shot at you the next time you all go out. If you know he is hung up on an ex and has obvious feelings for others whats to say if you were his gf he would control him self in a similar situation with some other girl. If you like having casual sex with him and you are both consenting adults by all means have at it, but if you are expecting more I would stop it now, your only going to get hurt.
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