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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months. When we began seeing each other, I knew that he still lived with his ex-girlfriend, and he cannot leave right now financially. Both her and I are really bothered by this. I never go to their house, hate their dog that they bought together, and he whispers that he loves me if she is around. What should I do? Please help!!
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female
reader, Soulapartress +, writes (17 November 2005):
Hello Anonymous!
You're in a sticky spot, and I don't envy you. Here's what I suggest: 1- Sit down alone and really evaluate how you feel about your boyfriend - do you feel your relationship is serious?. 2 - Do you feel his feelings are on the same plane as yours? 3 - What are his actions telling you? What is he doing to reassure you /alleviate his awkward living arrangements?
If your answer to the first two questions are "Yes" but they don't support the answer to #3 - You should sit down with your boyfriend and have a heart to heart about your relationship and where you see it going. You shouldn't be the one talking...let him tell you what he's thinking - and you should really listen hard to what he's saying...read between the lines. Consider his situation - he moved in with a girlfriend, it goes South, and now they're still stuck together. It's a very uncomfortable situation for them, especially if it it wasn't a bad breakup. He doesn't want to hurt her, but is trying to please, and meet your needs. He's proably learning some life lessons from this experience, and you need to know what they are and how they could potentially impact you.
If on the other hand, if you answered "Yes" for the first two questions, and it matches the answer to #3 - then I would encourage you to be patient. You guys have only been dating for 6 mos and moving out is is a huge undertaking, and very expensive. Just find other ways to occupy yourselves away from his apartment, and work on growing the relationship from the inside out.
Any "No" answers in questions 1 or 2 I would encourage you to slow down and work on the communications in your relationship. How can you expect him to take on moving out to please you when your relationship is not defined?
- Good Luck and Best Wishes!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2005): I've ben through this one . Girl let me tell you you and her need to team up on him and ask him who he wants together . he is playing you both and getting away with it . wispering he loves you when shes around net time tell him to speak up
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