A
female
age
30-35,
*heaterlover
writes:my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost five months, and to this point we have had a very slow paced relationship. but last night, we were texting and he started talking about sexual topics, at first he kept putting jk or saying just playing at the end of every text. but as i went along with the jokes, it seemed like he was becoming more and more serious. to the point he asked me if i had a condom and to make sure his sister doesn't find out. i'm not sure if he was still joking, or if he was trying to drop the hint that he thinks we're ready. we've never talked about any of this before, so i really don't know what to do. any advice?
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female
reader, theaterlover +, writes (25 February 2010):
theaterlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso i talked to my boyfriend last night asking if he was serious or not. he said that he really didn't know either if he was joking or not. but he said whenever i'm ready, he is.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): It can be hard to tell how serious somebody is being when you are sending texts. I think the only way you will know for sure is if you spoke to him about it in person. If you are thinking about sex, then you should be able to talk to each other in person about it.
I'm not sure if he was serious or not, or if he is trying to say he thinks you are both ready. But what about you? Do YOU think you are ready? If you are not ready, then don't do anything you don't want to. Both people need to feel ready for this kind of thing, and if one of you is not, the other should respect that and wait.
But if you do feel ready, then maybe you could raise the subject next time you see him. Ask him about the texts. His reaction should let you know whether he was serious or not. But do talk about it if you have any concerns though. Texts are good if you feel nervous about saying something face to face, but I think some things really need to be discussed in person. I hope this helps. x
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A
male
reader, goodguy11 +, writes (24 February 2010):
Oh he was serious. He was saying exactly what he wanted to say and then adding j/k at the end of every text so you won't get upset if you didn't like the idea. But at least the thought is out there. He's testing to you to see how you react to certain things and to make you think about it. Obviously he wants you to think about sex with him. You guys have never talked about it and this was just a way to break the ice. People do it all the time. Shoot I just did it an hour ago asking my friend "jokingly" if she would come with me on a cruise so we can have some fun. Deep down I do want her to come with me but she's my friend so I can't make it seem that I'm serious about it. If she says no then I have nothing to worry about because it was a joke and we are still good friends. If she says yes then I get what I want. See how this works.
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