A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I know that I had my part in some pretty immoral things in this whole thing. I'm willing to admit that. But here goes: My friend started to date this guy that I'd known about three years ago (because I went to school with him) and they had a great relationship. We all hung out, and him and I clicked from the very beginning, but of course, my friend dating him pushed me away. After they had been dating for about four and a half months, a job opened up at the place he worked. I had been looking for work for a while and he knew this, and he got me a job there. About a week into me working there, my friend and him broke up. We would flirt at work, we got along ridiculously well, etc. etc. He asked me to hang out a few times, and I politely refused him each time because of my friend. I was getting more and more enthralled with him though, and was torn between being true to her and going after what I wanted. Well, Valentines day rolled around, and he asked me to hang out. I hadn't opened up to or liked a guy this much in a year and a half, and I decided, what the hell, I really feel this, and if things developed I'd of course have to tell my friend. We hung out, had a six hour long talk (and he said things like ‘I never thought I’d fall for my ex-girlfriends best friend’), and finally held hands and he kissed me. I was in lala land. We went to a movie, and afterwards, though I wasn't planning for this to happen, we slept together. Neither of us wanted a commitment quite yet, and I understood that, but the shitty part was that he got a girlfriend two days after that. Work was awkward for about a week, but we talked it out and things went more or less back to normal. I wanted to wait to pursue him anyway, and him having a girlfriend gave me the perfect opportunity to get to know him better without all the messy stuff. Two weeks after he started dating this girl, he called me and told me he had broken up with her because of the connection he felt with me, that it wasn't right to string her along, he couldn’t stop thinking about me, and he wanted to take me out and talk more. I was thrilled, obviously, and we went out for coffee the next night after work, and then, oopsy daisy, slept together again. He took me out to a movie two days later, but this time he was disconnected, rude, and hardly acknowledged my presence. We went back to work, and he started treating me not as a friend, but as someone he could walk all over. He told the guys at work details about us having sex, I had a bruise on my face from falling off my bike and he POKED it, he took the flirty bantering to a nasty level, and never once mentioned the 'taking a step together' to me again. After no acknowledgement on his part, i calmly told him that I couldn't put myself in an intimate position with him unless I knew he was serious. He said that he was 'battling with demons'. He started talking about how he couldn't trust anybody, and not ONCE did he ask me how I felt about the situation. We hadn't seen each other in about two weeks the next time I saw him at work, and he didn't even talk to me. When I asked him a question, he would make some smartass, derogatory comment about my voice, what i asked, etc. just talking down to me. The guys at work were even looking at him like he was an asshole. About five days later, I texted him and told him I needed closure, that he couldn't leave me hanging like that because I deserved better. He asked me what I needed closure on, and I asked him why he would pursue me and then completely contradict it and drop me the next week. His response was 'you are getting weird' . i told him not to talk to me. I mean, really? I was his friend for so long, I showed him my poetry and helped him out in a pretty bad family situation, gave him rides, was sensitive to him and NEVER smothered him, jeopardized one of my longest friendships to pursue something with him, yet he still threw me away like a piece of trash. I just wonder whats behind it…is it the whole madonna whore complex where a guy loses respect and interest after sex, even if he really likes her? I would have preferred to not have sex and have waited, but we both wanted to, it was fifty-fifty, its not like he can blame me completely for it moving that fast just because I didn’t say no…….but we both TALKED about how it wouldn’t change anything…..and it really didn’t for me. I was attatched because of the conversation, connection, and friendship we had upheld. It seemed to me that the sex changed him, he definitely started acting differently. And why not just tell me straight up he lost interest after sex? I told him he could. Grr. I just want to get it out of my head. Any words to why he acted this way? Is sex just it for the guy? Why would he completely disregard me?
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (11 April 2010):
 He's an idiot!!!! Put him out of your mind and move on. Don't even look at him or talk to him any more. He'll probably try to wheedle his way back in with you when you do this because again he is an idiot!!!
By the way have your ever talked to your friend and found out why they broke up? Highly possible it was because she found out what an idiot he is???
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