A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heres my story.Only lately I have accepted that I might be gay.I have liked a guy younger than me for the past few years.He is 15, and I am 18.One night he stayed at my house and we got rather drunk.We sat together like old mates, but eventually we both ended up snuggling and getting close to each other. He never reacted negatively when we were together. It seemed as if he enjoyed it. We did nothing more than cuddle.My mother (who wouldn’t want me to be gay) found us in the morning in each other’s arms in bed. Heres the problem. I like him, but ever since I knew him I have thought of him as straight. I never considered that he might be gay until now.I know that a straight guy would have reacted negatively to what we did, but he didn’t care. We were a little hesitant at first, but both relaxed later on.I am concerned, because I think he may be too young to understand sexuality. I don’t want to put him through any confusion or hurt him.I am still confused myself, and have never been in a gay relationship before or been that close to another guy.Bigger Problem.My mother is worried that I might be gay. It is in her nature to tell people of her problems to try and find a solution. She doesn’t understand that it could have just been a big mistake for me. She will tell everyone from my relatives to friends what happened.She has already told my brother and sister, and they are shocked.I have told her that it was a mistake, and for her not to tell anyone as it would embarrass him and I.My friend was uncomfortable in the morning. He made excuses for my family, and left in a rush. I haven’t spoken to him since.Should I continue to act lovingly towards him, or drop it? I know a drunken mind speaks a sober heart.Could it have just been the alcohol, or was it really what he was feeling?Thanks for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI’ve been trying to make sense of what happened, and think I have it figured out!
It wasn’t sexual contact. The best way I could describe it, is just comforting each other.
It was all just hugging and closeness. Nothing more.
His parents are not that close to him. Ever since I have known him, I have never seen them hug or show emotion or love towards him.
He is their youngest child, and is rather neglected in my opinion.
They smoke in their home, and he suffers. He has very bad asthma and is on numerous medications, yet they still show no interest in him or his health.
They are parents I would hate to have myself.
He is very lonely. He doesn’t have many friends, and spends a lot of time at home by himself. He rarely ventures outside, and his parents do not take him anywhere.
I think that this incident was a cry for help.
He felt comforted with me, like I was a person of importance to him.
Like a big brother (he doesn’t have one), or parent in some respects.
I never expected anything like this, and now that I see that it could be more than simple physical attraction.
I feel terrible that I even considered the incident more than it was;
But after thinking about it, I know how he really feels.
What should I do?
Do you think that he sees me as a parent figure or something?
If you think he does, should I be that person for him?
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (15 May 2007):
 Hiya, just a quick comment about one of yours. You're right that 15 year old girls often go out with older men but I think the difference here is that as a young gay man, he's perhaps a little more vulnerable than a girl. Is he sure that he's gay? I have quite a few gay friends and some say they always knew and others say they didn't really know until they were grown up. Likewise I know other straight guys who had gay experiences when they were young and are no longer gay. I guess what I'm saying is tread carefully. Underage sex is underage sex whether you're straight, gay or half alien.
CD
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK. Heres my situation updated!
The guy that I just mentioned wants to come back over to my house for drinks again.
Since the incident, I have been looking for a time and place to quietly apologise for what happened that night.
It wasn’t me doing the moves that night.
He made the first move, and that got the ball rolling.
Nothing sexual happened, and I don’t plan on anything sexual.
We just enjoy being close to each other.
We have known each other for a very long while, and inside I know I want his company again.
But nearly everyone’s comments have suggested that I should drop it and leave it.
I know he is young; but honestly, there are plenty of guys my age going out with 15-16 year old girls.
I mean, we have been close friends for 3 years, both share the same interests, and just recently both discovered that we both like each other more than we thought.
It is still confusing for me, because I’m still tossing up whether I am gay or not. I’m sure he must feel the same.
We like each other! Is that a good enough reason to continue such a friendship?
Now that he has shown his interest in returning, does that mean that he didn’t mind?
Does this mean that he has figured out how he feels?
What should I do?
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A
male
reader, lboy +, writes (24 April 2007):
 Dear Reader,
i am going through exactly the same thing with a guy i like, and you are right a drunk mind does speak a sober heart, i think that you should talk to this guy and let him know what that night ment to you and find out if it ment anything to him if it did then you try and start a relationship, but if you start to get a negative answer from him then drop the subject and talk about something else, thats all i can tell you sorry i hope it helps.
good luck
lboy
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your answers.
Here in Australia people under the age 18 can drink, but only if they are at home or at someone else’s house.
My mother was with us.
You are right about the chance of sexual contact.
I wasn’t expecting anything before I started drinking, and he made the first move.
We ended up cuddling; there was no sexual contact.
My morals are strong, but I guess anything could have happened.
We have been the best of friends for more than 3 years, so I didn’t expect anything like this at all.
I honestly wish the situation never happened, and I should have assessed the risks before drinking.
I will definitely cool it. If he does have feelings, he will let me know.
My mother doesn’t understand what actually happened, and is dramatizing the whole situation. I have told her what I know, but she won’t listen.
She may be a bigger problem than the incident itself!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): follow your feelings if you love him tell him do what is good for you and your feelings
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (20 April 2007):
"It is her nature to tell people her problems..." Newsflash, it's not her problem. This is totally your issue and whether you're gay or straight or asexual she's your mother and she should try to accept it. Seems like she's forgotten that along the way.
Two things bother me about your post, that you were drinking with someone under 18 and could possibly have become sexual with him. However mature you think he is, it's a mistake to do this sort of thing. You could be in serious trouble for breaking the law just for giving him alcohol and it seems like a pretty volatile situation to be in if you're not even sure he's gay. It's likely at his age that he's curious and unsure whether he's straight or gay in which case he needs time and support to make his own mind up. I would cool it. I think you've made your feelings clear to him and now it's his turn to work out how he feels.
CD
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): He is too young and prob needs time and experience to get to know his sexual orientation.You should leave well alone
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