A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This guy and I have been friends since we were babies, we are both 20 now. Our mum's are best friends.When we were about 10 we realised we both liked each other and wanted to be together "some day" and had our first kiss. At 12 we tried to be girlfriend and boyfriend, but didn't have the mobility to see each other much, not to mention that it was kind of strange as we were still more like friends, so it didn't work out. At 14 we went out again, and it was good fun especially during the summer when he would cycle over so we could hang out. We said we loved each other and lost our virginity to one another. A few months later, in midwinter, I got fed up because I never saw him and also a boy at school wanted to date me... so stupidly I went for the boy at school. The guy was very heartbroken and tried hard to get me back for a good while, and a few months after I stopped dating the boy at school we would hook up casually but we weren't really back together, and this continued until he got a girlfriend at his school. We fell out a few times while he was with her, usually arguing about how we were behaving towards each other, and each other's current partners. While he was with the girl at his school he got angry about a boyfriend that I lied to my mum about, and I retaliated because he was lying to his girlfriend all the time about me (he had told her he was a virgin since she was a Christian girl).After we had both been dumped by our respective partners (by now aged 16/17) he attempted to hook up with me again, but I was adamant we would just be friends. We would hang out, go for walks and have a laugh, without anything ever happening. One time he was holding me from behind (can't remember why) and pressed his cheek to mine for a while... but I didn't respond. He met his current girlfriend, and then contact with me suddenly dropped off. When I met my recent ex I decided to be totally faithful, and cut all contact with all guys by changing my number and deleting my MSN account, and never visiting his parents when my mum visited.We didn't speak for 3 years (17-20) while I was with my ex, I blocked him on facebook after he tried to add me twice. However, he regularly asked my mother and our mutual friends how I was, and told one of them that he wanted to speak to me. His mother also told my mum that he wasn't happy with his girlfriend but was too scared to break it off. (I did my best to ignore this, as I was infatuated with my ex).After seeing him at his sister's party two months ago I realised I didn't love my ex, so broke it off. Then added this guy on facebook. I visited his parents with my mum about a month ago and he sort of followed me round a bit (my mum said it was obvious he was interested). As soon as I got home he messaged me on facebook and gave me his number. A week later he texted me and we arranged to hang out.The first time we just talked about my crazy ex and how he was bored with his girlfriend and sick of stepping on eggshells trying not to upset her. We also talked about what happened when we were kids and said we were sorry (again, the first time was over facebook) for being horrid to each other, but agreed that we didn't really regret our time together.The second time we talked some more and he asked me what I was thinking, I said I wasn't telling him, so he said "show me" and kissed me. I then got down off the fence I was sat on and said he had to think about his girlfriend because it wasn't fair on her, and that he had to dump her because he wasn't happy, not because of me. He said he didn't know, that he wasn't 100% sure what he wanted but hes always felt so strongly about me. I said I'd always felt the same way about him too. The third time he said he didn't think he could dump her right now as he is working away (er.. perfect time???). He said I was always such a turn on.... and I said well I don't want you to see me as your bit on the side. I said did he just want to have sex with me or did he want to be with me, he said what did I want and I said both. He said he wasn't sure he could give me both but in a few months it could all be very different. We ended up having sex but a few hours later he said that I made sense and it had all hit him... he couldn't treat me like a spare part and he couldn't do it to himself or his girlfriend either. So that was the last time I saw him, 2 weeks ago. I texted him a week and a half ago just to lighten the tone a bit, talk about what was on tele and stuff, and he was very responsive and put lots of kisses and even flirted a little. Then I text him yesterday just to say I hoped his mum was having a good birthday and he said "I'm pretty sure she is I'm out at the moment xx".So thats that? So he was just trying to have me, just one more time, and never tell his girlfriend? (Hes seen her since and obviously not told her since she is happy as larry, thinks its all perfect still). If so why?... Just to prove to himself he can still get me, that I loved him all along? Is he getting back at me? Was he intending to leave his girlfriend (and actually do it this time) but backed out yet again?Does he think I'm not hurt by all this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Fxfearas  +, writes (11 July 2011):
I'd be hurt too, especially how far u guys go back..he seems very confused..and its not fair to lead u on and he might not even mean it but he needs to realize it hurts..or u could be right that he playing both sides..either way becareful and have respect for yourself..good luck honey -25yr old female
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