A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this girl that I talk to from time to time. We have a few laughs here and there whenever I visit her department. I can really see myself getting into this girl. Yesterday morning while getting off from work, I saw her clocking in. I started to small chit chat with her while we walked to her department. Her personality seemed off as I was trying to talk to her. She still smiled politely but her usually vibrant attitude was missing. It's obvious that I like her. Or it SHOULD be obvious that I like her alot seeing as how I compliment her whenever I can. I was really geared up on asking for her number today until one of my buddies blurted out "-Insert my name here-, trying to flirt with that pretty girl? Man, now I've seen it all."I felt it completely ruined the atmosphere as she acted even more weird with me. She kept walking from one rack to another while I tried to talk with her. I knew she was working but she usually doesn't move around this much when we're alone talking. It seemed like she was trying to avoid me as she kept giving short replies and walking back to another rack, away from me. She also barely made eye contact with me. My "friends" were still looking at us so I did feel more nervous than before. It came to the point where I uttered a see ya later and I walked away. I felt like a pest. I really like her alot and I don't mind if she was having a bad day. I like talking to her and I wanted to try and talk to her outside of work. I still want her number but I'm not sure if this was a hint that I shouldn't even bother going that far. I'm used to being rejected and I can usually tell when a girl is going to turm me down. Yesterday felt like that day. But it's better to know for sure than to keep wondering, right? What should I do?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 August 2012):
 that is a really good plan to let the dust settle first.
Also remember that some girls get flustered easily. Especially is they have 'confidence in themselves' issues.
Just be the quiet gentleman and things might improve over time
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 August 2012):
 You need to take into account something called situation awareness. If it FEELS awkward, if she doesn't respond as she usually does... It means you might want to back off.
Yes, your friend wasn't much of a help, but.. in that situation you can turn such a comment around and use it for your benefit.
I do agree that the moving away from you and NOT giving you eye contact is not the way most girls would act if they are interested (even if they are embarrassed).
And hold your horses with the compliments. Girls don't melt into puddles over compliments. Compliments I would reserve for when they are appropriate and when you know the other person will appreciate them. Otherwise you might just come off as a player type guy who tosses out his "lines" in hope SOME lady will bite.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advise Abella. We have talked several times before yesterday and there were even times where she wanted me to see pictures of her when she was "more in shape". I think she's perfect right now. Her usual personality with me is lively, jokey and receptive. I knew it was probably a bad idea to keep talking to her while my friends were having a ball in the background.
The eye contact thing also told me that she wasn't in the mood. I did catch the hint that she didn't want a conversation right now. I didn't continue to talk to her to get personal enjoyment out of it, I honestly was trying to get the atmosphere back by making her laugh like her usual self. When I realized that that just wasn't going to happen, I bid her farewell and I walked away. Yesterday was totally different from how she usually acted with me. I'm not sure if it's because of what my friend said or because she just wasn't feeling me then, but I know it wasn't a side of her that I've seen before.
You're also right about her being there to work and not to flirt. But you see, I have no other time to talk to her. She literally comes into work when I'm leaving. One of us will be working no matter what, which is why I thought I should ask for her number so this situation wouldn't be a problem. As for the eye contact, there was some before my friend said what he said. After he acted like a jerk, she basically went into 'run away' mode.
I do like her and I'm not sure how she feels about me. One thing I do know is that it might be better to just be direct with women. I'll leave her be so that the atmosphere between us can smooth out again then I will ask her out and whether it's a no or a yes, at least I will have an answer instead of pondering what could be. Thank you for your answer. It has really helped me.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 August 2012):
This was probably the wrong place and the wrong way to engage her interest.
For the guy to call out you were making it too obvious to everyone but you.
And yes, she did feel uncomfortable.
She comes to work to work. If you accidentally saw her in the Mall, away from your workmates then you might have stood a chance.
But everything you said is telling you that she was uncomfortable.
And as you persisted she may have felt very uncomfortable.
The first clue was that she seemed not receptive to any chatting up was that she seemed 'off'.
She smiled politely but she was subdued. At that point you should have stopped chatting her up.
you already compliment her when you can. So she is already aware that you like her.
And a combination of the above plus the co-worker's remark really ruined the atmosphere.
So then she tried to diplomatically give you the 'please go' signal. She acted weird. She walked from rack to rack.
You knew she was working. With jobs hard to get no one wants to be fired because they used work time to flirt and chat with a co-worker.
She kept walking faster and faster away from you from rack of clothes to the next rack of clothes. And still you followed her. That would have been so un-nerving for her.
It was not innocuous behaviour on your part.
Yes, sadly, she was trying to get away from you and give you subtle clues. Which you ignored or did not notice as you wanted her attention.
She gave you short replies to discourage you.
And the BIG one - she avoided eye contact.
When a girl is interested she does initiate Eye Contact
This girl did the opposite of 'like' when she avoided eye contact
I am sorry that it got to the point that you felt like a pest.
And I am especially sorry as you do like her a lot. But as yet she is not signalling that she likes you too.
And just because you like her, you must realise that she is under no obligation to like you back. Sad as that is.
Please back off from any attempts to get her number until you have been able to get some of the right signals from her.
Maybe try to find out more information on effective communication and maybe more information on Emotional Intelligence as those things may help you to become more skilled in tyhe way you chat up a lady in the future.
And generally it is a good idea to seek a girl friend OUTSIDE your own work environment. That way you can keep the courtship time more private and away from the scrutiny of your work colleagues.
I do hope that you have better luck next time.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Some "buddy" you've got there......
Anyway.... this girl, for whom you have eyes, was placed under the gun.... and NOBODY likes that....
Give this issue a time to blow over.... and - when you can feel more comfortable - you can actually USE this incident as an ice-breaker... For example:
You see her and say, "Can you imagine (insert "buddy's" name, here) thinking that I was HITTING on you?? Such folly!!! Oh, by the way, would you like to go on a date with me this (Friday, Saturday, other day; choose one)???"
Good luck.....
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