A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm at a point where i don't know what to do. i'm not really enjoying sex and even though i get the urge to i never really have, it's quite literally an anti climax. it's not my husbands fault, he's very ready and willing but i can't orgasm through intercourse, in fact it's worse than that. i've just had my 3rd child and with each child i seem to get tighter 'down there' and it's a struggle and actually hurts to get it in. on top of that he's fairly well endowed so it's more of a problem, by the time he does get it in i'm already sore and in pain. then there's the bit that makes me feel awful, i don't get any sexual feelings from intercourse at all (and never have, ever), i just feel like i'm broken and my body doesn't work properly.on the plus side i can climax through clitoral stimulation (manual and oral) but i've spoken to my husband saying that i'd like to get some sex toys that we can use of me during intercourse so i can actually get some pleasure out of it but he feels threatened by them when all i'm trying to do is make it so i don't feel resentful after sex and i can at least try and enjoy it too. i know how important sex is in a relationship and my husband has a high libido, i'm trying really hard and i don't feel like he's giving me leeway. am i unreasonable to ask this one thing when i've literally at least tried everything he's wanted to?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Yes, I agree with the others. He doesn't understand that it's different for you. For him, it would be like you massaging his scrotum only and expecting him to achieve orgasm simply by your massaging his scrotum. A few guys receive prostate stimulation by this sort of touching alone, and fewer still have indeed had orgasms from testicular stimulation, but it's not often.
Truth is, as my fellow aunts have said, MOST women do not orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone, just as most men do not orgasm through testicular stimulation alone. It is the CLITORIS that is homologous to the penis, not the vaginal cavity. Sex toys are tools! He shouldn't feel threatened by them.
Maybe next time you touch him, only touch his scrotum and nothing else! heh. Better yet, have a talk and tell him that vaginal intercourse doesn't give you an orgasm, and you're in the majority of women
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Penetrative intercourse alone simply does not do it for most women. The focus of stimulation for a woman is her clitoris - for a man, it's the head of the erection. A woman actually has other areas of stimulation, but most sensitivity is in the clitoris. It must be massaged, rubbed or otherwise touched to be stimulated.
As I have written on this Web site repeatedly (see archives) the woman-on-top position may work well for many women. That allows her to control the activity and grind her clitoris against the man's pubis area. Additionally, there is the so-called G-spot, located a couple of inches inside the vagina on the front side, that might be stimulated on many women. Again, check the archives where many of my writings on G-spot can be found.
However, stimulation to the G-spot during intercourse is a challenge. It can be accomplished by the angle of penetration, but the description to do that is problematic. Essentially, the head of the erection must be directed upward toward the front of the vagina. It's a matter of angle and position.
But you mentioned that you climax from manual or oral stimulation, so the simplest solution is to do that prior to intercourse. Then you can allow him to get his jollies.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 August 2012):
 Yes he's being unreasonable. It's ridiculous for him to use you as a masturbation sleeve and then feel angry when you try to get some sensation from it. Does he realize that a vagina is not an inside-out penis? It barely has any nerve endings. Shame on him for making you feel bad for having completely normal anatomy. The vast majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Is he unwilling to give you oral or anything like that?
So solutions to this are, you do positions where you can rub yourself or he can rub you and you get very close to orgasm before you even start intercourse. You can pick out a small external sex toy together that he uses on you. You can buy things that fit at the base of his penis, some that vibrate and some that just provide some extra needed friction in the right spots.
But you need to point out to him that a) a vagina is not an inside out penis. There is less sensation in there than on your arm. b) you are not a sex toy and if he isn't going to let you participate in the fun, then there's really no reason to keep doing it. Ask him how he'd feel if he was constantly being deprived of an orgasm or pleasure even when there was an easy fix. I don't understand what it is to be threatened by if he's using a sex toy on you. That would be like if I posed for a sexy photo for my boyfriend wearing a push-up bra and became threatened by how the bra made me look.
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