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anonymous
writes: my mind is really battered with problems and i could really do with some> help on some matters adn would be grateful if you could send me some.> > I went on a residential course with an organisation in my area about five> months ago. I had been going out with my partner then for about two years> so I was only looking for a bit of a laugh. When I was there I got on> really well with one of the staff and everyone was saying that he fancied> me. We stayed up most of the night on the last night talking and> eventually we kissed. I told him a lot about my past that I don't normally> tell people and that I was unhappy and bored with my partner. We both knew> it was wrong but we ended up meeting up with each other after that course.> After a week I broke up with my partner to make a go of it with him.> > We had our problems in the beginning me with my ex and him with his family> and both of us with rumours going around the organization he worked for> and had a months break over the Christmas time but things are getting back> on track and I feel as though im falling for him big style.> > When we first got together he told me he played rugby and he trained twice> a week and played at weekends, even if he was injured he would go and be> water boy or just watch.> > I only see him once or twice a week if im lucky. He very rarely gets in> touch with me and we've had problems over this. I like things organised> and stuff but he isn't a very reliable person. I suppose that's just one> of those things were going to have to learn about each other but I thought> when you started to go out with someone you wanted to speak to them all of> the time and see them as much as possible. With it all being so wrong,> with him being one of my trainers and me being a young person (I'm 20 and> he's 26) we have to keep everything secret. We have to be on the lookout> all of the time.> > He always comes over to my place because he still lives with his ex> partner, they broke up because she was a lesbian., and it would cause> hassle if I went over. I've had times where I thought he was with someone> and that was why he was always so vague but I don't think he's like that> and would cheat on me. We only went out together when we first met now we> don't do anything but come over to my place and talk.> > I want to be with him as I love him to bits but I don't know how he really> feels about me. He says he cares and does make the effort to come over> during the week and may even (he probably will) lose his job over it all> but he says its worth the risk. Im finding it difficult to cope though, I> think im falling in love and want to think about the future and things but> don't know how to approach the problem. I want to feel like part of his> life and I don't know how to make that happen. He says I'll see him less> over the summer with rugby. How can I make him see how much I care and> want a future with him without seeming like im winging cos I think I've> done a bit of that. I can never seen to get in touch with him and he says> that its because he just forgets about his phone. Am I too wrapped up in> him to notice he's messing me about because re-reading this I think that's> what it seems but I don't think that's the case or is it that I don't want> to know? He's so wrapped up in all other things in his life that he has> little time for himself which means little time for me. The way he puts it> across I believe him but do you think I'm just sucking it all in? I don't> want to loose him but I bring some of these topics up so often that I'm> scared to do so in case it puts a wedge between us. Its really getting me> down cos like I say I really like him and want this to work. Please give> me some tips on how I can sort this out and be happy with him again.> > i want ways of sorting this out to see if it really can work not saying> forget about him because that would really make my mind worse and i am> feeling really low as it is.> > Thank you very much for listening and any help i may recieve.> > Sarah> >
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (19 December 2005):
sounds to me as if you're right. yes you are too wrapped up in him to see that he is probably cheating. why does he still live with his ex? i have a feeling he's not going to make any real commitment to you. finish it now before you end up hurting even more
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