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anonymous
writes: My husband never wants sex with me and never kisses me or even touches me. He has no job or car and recently got atrial fibulation. We were seperated for a long time and recently got back together but it isn't working. He watches t.v. all day and night. I found a picture of him with his arms around a naked girl from his past in his night table . What do you think about all this? I am considered very attractive and also I am paying for everything.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (22 February 2005):
 It could be that your husband is suffering from depression which can cause him to feel lethargic and not wish to involve himself in every day life. You say he has no job which could be a contributory factor. He may also be experiencing lethargy from his illness and be generally feeling that life is just too much effort.Unfortunately, this also includes you. He isn't trying to make your relationship work and you need to talk to him about this. Explain to him that you feel neglected and uncertain of his feelings for you after seeing that picture. Say also that you wish to support him in perhaps finding activities to occupy him rather than watching TV all day. Explain how this will make him feel better even if he doesn't particularly feel like doing them.You may have to be quite assertive with him, however, explaining that you feel it is unfair for you to have to pay for everything while he sits around all day.Convey to him that you will support him to feel better about himself but that you need to know where you stand and how he feels for you because right now you are not getting all you need from the relationship.Try and talk to him today.
A reader, Paul, writes (22 February 2005): All the signs in your mail are stating that you already know the truth of this relationship. It cannot possibly continue in it's current incarnation. Change is the only way to go. Have you discussed this with him? This would be my first port of call - and be frank. If you're not happy about supporting him then say so. If you're not happy with the fact that he is a layabout then say so. Give him responsibility for his part in your relationship or you simply don't have a relationship at all.You may well find that once you assert yourself and force him to meet you halfway in dealing with your relationship he'll start finding you very attractive. Respect lies at the core of love, and without it there is no spark. You must possess your self-respect in order to be able to bring something to a relationship.
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