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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I have been with my partner for 18 years. I am 35 years old and we have 3 lovely children together.A few years ago I started to go out with a girlfriend of mine who was single and I started to have flings with men they didn't mean anything to me. I think I was just bored and wanted excitement.Then last year I met this lovely man who works nearby to my work and we hit it off. We have been in contact with each other since then and can't seem to break the relationship off. I told my partner about all the affairs I had and about this one man that I think I am in love with.My partner is a very good man and a great dad but I'm not in love with him anymore. I still love him but not in love. The problem is I can't seem to make my mind up to separate from my partner. I am scared for everyone else. I tell myself that I can just get on with it but I can't get the other man out of my head.My partner really loves me and has forgave me for all the things I have done but I'm not feeling fullfilled. 18 years is a long time and I don't really know anything else apart from the life I live. Help please. I am in limbo with my life!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): If you would have been with this other man for 18 years how would you feel about him? We all get bored after a while but it shouldn't "boil down to who is going to cook the dinner and who forgot to bring out the trash." There are ways to spice up the relationship with the man you are with instead of leaving everything you have, and ripping the children up from the world they have come to know and love.
To get this other man out of your head you are going to have to stop seeing him. When your children are grown if you still feel the same way leave your husband and find someone else. All relationships in the beginning are exciting after awhile things calm down. You don't live in a bad world now. It is harder than you think to find someone to really love you as your husband does.
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reader, Delila +, writes (18 September 2005):
Being in love is a state of mind that waxes and wanes. Loving somebody just goes on and on and on. You can start by loving your patrtner more, give him lots of attention. Don't throw it away for the hope that the grass is greener. Stick it out and you will be glad. It sounds like your partner really does love you and you are not being allyou can be for him. You might be learning soon "that you don't know what youv'e got till it's gone". How long do you think the first flush of love will last with the new guy? All relationships eventually boil down to who is going to cook the dinner and who forgot to bring out the trash.
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