A
male
age
36-40,
*p0307
writes:HellooWell from since i can remember ive been the same but in the last few months ive realised how much of a loner i am. I have not many friends and NO REAL friends. Ive never had a girlfriend and dont think im anywhere close.I fuelled this anger by hiring prostitutes but im still unhappy (previous posts ive done) as it kept getting me down but still had urges to do it... but now the urge is less (which im very happy about) I go to university but hate it as i havn't met any one i really liek and it just makes me feel lonely. I dont thnk im an ugly guy and i have a decent physique ( im addicted to the gym) but during the holiday period i see everyone together but im all alone at home and dont even want to go out as i keep thinking aobut the horrible experiences ive had in the last few months. I try to be happy and right now in a state where i liek the relaxing nature of my life and the gym effect (and have a aweosme supportive mum), but i jsut want to know what its liek to have a relationship but have no idea how to go about it as i dont go out much. I've heard ppl before saying join a club and just go out but like ive joined the gym which i love and want to improve myself but i dont know what club i want to join as a ll the uni clubs are not nice and full of people who are all up themselves .. i just feel like a total hermit right now :(
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never had a girlfriend, period, prostitute, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (27 December 2009):
Try putting up a profile on about 5 different dating/friendship sites. Get a nice pic taken at the local studio with a nice smile or maybe showing your gym trained physique in a tasteful way. Online chatting is non-threatening and can be a good way to start learning to relate to people. I'd leave out any negative stuff, especially the prostitutes bit!
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (27 December 2009):
 Does your gym have any social clubs/events attached to it? if not take a look in a socia/community magazine and see if there are any courses. Acting courses are a great wat to meet people and also to develop yourself more.
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A
female
reader, meg2989  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Awww don't let yourself get too down in the dumps! Instead of focusing on how alone you are, set out and find hobbies and activities you enjoy or try something new. That is often a great way to meet people. Sometimes its all about the attitude you put forth and that can either draw in or push people away. If you stick with a friendly out going demeanor you may be surprised at how many people wil be drawn to you. For example when I was twelve I moved away from my friends when my parents split up. I'm nice and outgoing, but its sometimes hard to approach people. I was very interested in horses, so my mom put me in horseback riding lessons. Not only did I meet people and gain friends, but it pointed me in a direction beyond that. I'm now 20 years old and train horses and teach kids to ride at that same ranch. I have friends that I've known for several years and other new ones I'm just getting to know. And as an added bonus, my mare and I go to the state barrel racing championships almost every year! Its a lot of fun weather we win or not, although we often do pretty well. Try to see if you can join in new activities, prefferably ones where you need to be taught, or things that you do in a group. I think that will really help you to make friends, who knows you may even meet a girl that you like and vice versa. You may feel like a hermit now, but just try what reccomended. Also feel free to message me anytime, I would like to see how it works out. Good luck and try to keep positive! All the best wishes ~ meg
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Well, I know how it feels! What I decided to do though, works to a certain degree for me. Im a very blunt and upfront person who hates charades and fake things. So fake or not real deep friendships bother me. As such I have very few real good friends, but my "method" if you would like to call it so, was to just be extremely up front, brutally honest and blunt. The ones who were still around to talk to me then were the ones who could stand the real me, and stand being very close. First I would check the chemistry between me and a person, and if we got along well I'd take it to the next level, which would be finding a time to be brutally honest about something. Didn't matter what, just say my honest opinion about something that most people have an opinion about. I found that at that point, some people would look away nervously and then not talk so much to me again, while others would look me deep into the eyes and we would end up with an amazing conversation, often lasting from 3-6 hours on a whim.
At least, that is how I get underneath peoples skin, and once there some stick around for a couple of years, some even longer, and some have not yet let go of the friendship.
Sorry if that was horribly boring to read. But what you must remember is: in order to have deep close friends that you can trust, you must also show that you are someone they can trust, show that you are honest, not deceiving, loyal, and a good friend to have. Friends are not clowns to keep each other entertained. Friends are there to support each other, sharing company with, and most importantly never turn the back to each other. If you find it in yourself that you are willing to, and can do that for someone, then maybe that other person will recognize what a great friend you are, and you will have a real, deep and true friendship.
Some friends have their seasons, others last a lifetime.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): It could just be your perception that people are up themselves. To makes friends, you have to communicate to the other person that they are cool and that you like them. Then they are more likely to open up. This is what sometimes happens. People seem blah, then you engage them with pleasant small talk, then they seem like different people who could be your new friend.
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