A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok..theres been this issue dwelling on my mind for some time and i've turned to here for some advice.Basically i met this girl about a couple of months back and we really got on well and hit it off. We text and see each other fairly often, but i've been kinda holding back recently. If i'm really honest, it seemed like a one-off thing at the time, (as i was pretty wastedd) but now it's sort of dragged on.I know it seems harsh and i don't wanna seem like an insensitive dick but i don't like her nearly as much as she likes me. We seem so different and have so many conflicting likes and dislikes; i'm just not that into her.. We're not really in a relationship atm, but its pretty clear that she wants to start one soon, but i don't. I feel like i've led her on by just being nice but can't seem to tell her no, because i dont want to upset her- she's really nice and i do care for her but i'm just not in love with her...i'm really shit with relationships and am completely unsure of what to do because i don't wanna be a prick, but i don't want to be dishonest either and i really can't bring myself to end it by acting like a jerk and piss her off cause thats not me.Any suggestions to what i should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): I'm going through this situation right now (im the deluded being though), and I am just waiting for the guy to come back to me, as I got sick and tired of his dead giveaways (I was pretty sure he was in love with me, so were my friends too) the thing is he's now kind of too careful not to hurt me and I'm just wondering why...has he lost the interest or has he never been interested? was he trying to show me how grateful he was for my feelings for him??? im so confused and I swear i dont wish this to anyone, im going through pure hell and i think I will need some serious councelling and i dont think I will ever wish to fall in love ever again, I just feel cheated on...come on man, dont be selfish, be true, tell her before it's too late, because it can get serious, stop feeding your ego and be a proper nice man by telling her the truth.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): I have been in this situation before, except I was the girl who was more interested in the guy than he was in me. Unfortunately, he never told me this himself, he just lead me on for several months. The reason I'm telling you this is because personally, I would much, MUCH rather a guy politely tell me 'sorry I'm not interested, maybe we could still be friends etc.' than spend my days consumed by thoughts of him and how there might still be some hope for us because he texted me back or posted a message on my facebook...
Ok to summarise. Just because you don't feel the same way about her doesn't mean you're a "jerk" or "prick", it's just the way it goes sometimes, and hopefully she will understand this (or if she doesn't, she will after she has a bit more dating experience). Of course, that doesn't mean you should be mean about it, because there are some tricky feelings involved here so I think sensitivity and honesty are the key here. You need to tell her sooner rather than later that you just want to be friends - it will be much better for her (and you!) in the long run.
Good luck, I'm sure you're capable of handling this the right way :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): End it as soon as possible, as strange as this may sound being the nice guy in this situation is only going to hurt her more.
Be as nice about the break up as possible, she doesn't need to know the full truth but she does deserve a good and valid explanation as to why you want to end it, be tactful.
She is going to get hurt and there's nothing you can do to prevent that, you can however limit the amount by telling her soon and not letting it drag on any longer.
Don't be afraid of looking like an asshole, that's what has made you lead her on in the first place, whatever she thinks of you after this, it doesn't matter because at least you did the right thing by her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): i think you should let her know now before anything else happens. i mean if she is already this close to you that you are sure she wants to be in a relationship you have obviously done some good things and its been a while. you should let her know ASAP so her hopes aren't up. i mean she might be thinking that you guys are going to get together and she doesn't see it coming. let the poor girl know what is going on if she really cares about you she will understand and she will thank you.
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