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male
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anonymous
writes: Here goes, Hello. I'm in a gay relationship and I see myself spending the rest of my life with my male partner. He went overseas only for ONE YEAR to work, and get experience, has a pretty "high position" and i stayed running my own succesful business, so both of us are pretty well off. If it weren't for me, he wouldn't come back home, "to the country I'm in", so he is packing up his things to be with me. I feel so guilty because he always tell me how much he loves the country that he is in, and that IT has always been his dream to be there and never leave. He has even hinted that he loves that country and it makes him sad to leave, and come to a place that he no longer likes, but his only reason besides his family, is me. He is coming back to me!I've thought of selling my business and moving but things on my side are a lot more complicated,"thats a whole story on its own" with family issues.I feel guilty that I'm ripping him away from the only place that he has dreamed of being in, i feel as though that if he is not happy, that it will be my fault, and i know that it will. When i mention these things to him, he replies saying that he has to make a sacrifice cause its the only way of being with me.I've thought of moving away with him, but for me to become independant again will take time since i don't have a row of college qualifications, so getting a decent job will perhaps be harder for me to get, where as he has told me that with his qualifications he can "demand the job that he wants", and that makes me feel dumb, and worthless, and not important, I'm 23 and I own my own successful business!?I've even thought of telling him to stay there because i know that is where he is happier, and id sacrifice my happiness for him to be happy. I'm confused, it hurts when he says that its so sad to pack every thing away,leave his friends, the place that he loves, i know its sad, but the guilt is ripping me. I don't know what to do. Please help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ellis Mac +, writes (24 October 2005):
Wow this is a toughy. I'm in a similar situation. I'm in one country getting qualified, and he's in another working. He had to leave 2 years ago, because he had no work in my country, and I have to study here because it's way too expensive for me to study in his country.
I have to be here for another two years so what we are doing is getting together whenever we can.
Believe me, if your relationship is strong, you can do at least another year apart. Don't rush into any moving plans just yet. It's clear that for the immediate future, you two are not destined to be together. Maybe you need another year apart to discover more about yourselves as individuals before you can come together and be a fulltime couple.
As you're both doing OK for money, make an adventure out of it. Make trips out to see him for week ends. You are your own boss, take a week out now and again and surprise him. Surely you can both still take holidays where you could rendevous in some romantic location.
There's a saying that has got us through our years of being apart, and it is, 'If you can't change your situation, change the way you look at it'. There will be tough times, but it doesn't have to be all tough times. Just keep in mind the picture of you both living together, and make sure that you keep up the lines of communication whilst you are apart. It can work out.
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