A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Morning, my question seems normal in todays times, yet i don't understand. See, i'm not in a relationship, relationship with this guy, some call it a casual relationship or friends with benefits,his reason for not wanting a serious relationship just yet is, he does not want to be hurt the way his ex-wife hurt him, they went out for 13 years and were married for 2, she left cause she could not see herself with him anymore, she had spirital and personal matters with herself, and she did not want to put him through anymore pain, i spoke to her and asked her about it, cause no one else could give me straight answers, this also makes it difficult cause he still misses her a lot, his the type of guy that does not notice other women to easily, i have been the only one after his ex, and there was no one before her, so basicaly only the 2 of us. As much as i have come to love him, spending a lot time with him in his busy schedule, i find this not to a casual relationship at all. Firstly, when the times comes that i need his help he is welling to help, or if he goes to see clients he asks if i want to go with. We go to the movies and have supper.. He even takes me with to track days, he holds my hand all so often, when people ask him who i am i'm his girlfriend, yet the thing is when i ask him he says nothing, or 'your my special best friend' 'my sweet angel' it makes no sense..i can pesteurise him from time to time, i really want to show him that i am interested in his business and i want to help him, he finds this as 'your being nosy' which is not so. He decided to take his mom away for a bit over easter, i'm hurt and upset about it, why i have no idea.. I don't want to be the jealous unpleasant type girl, cause not even i would want to be stuck with someone like that. What can i do to not irritate him so and show him, listen i'm right here through thick and thin? I have told him but as normally when this kind of a conversation comes up he listens with half an ear... What can i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 April 2009):
You can't show him that you are amazing in some way that he has magically overlooked till now. There is no spell you can say that will suddenly make him change his mind and tell you he wants a girlfriend and not a laid back companion.
If he doesn't want a girlfriend then he just doesn't.
You can either:
a) accept that, back off and accept that this will never be serious and never go anywhere and you'll never be a priority in his life.
OR
b) say that this is not good enough, you do not want to be in casual relationship and then leave him and find someone who wants a partner and not just a lady friend to have fun with.
Good Luck!! xx
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