A
male
age
41-50,
*lick
writes:I had an amazing 3 month relationship with a girl. After 2 months she started pulling away, avoiding sex. After 2 weeks of that we had a confrontation about it and she said she still wanted to be together.She lives in another city so after 2 weeks of not seeing each other we finally meet after she stood me up the day before and played hard to meet.This really annoyed me so I figured its better to walk out. So I walked out of her in the middle of a movie as I was tired of taking shit from her.She alway put me on hold, waiting, never knowing when we could meet. She alway prioritized her stuff before meeting each others and so on.Next day of walking out I emailed her the reasons why I walked out.She emailed me back explaining that we never got to know each other really, never really talked, and that she felt it was a difficult relationship, and that she probably rationally pulled of way because of this. She is probably right but it was difficult and scarce meeting her so when we did we just could not keep our hands off or pants on. In reaction to her pulling away without reasons at the end I got very bitter and closed up, this made things worst. If she had said she felt like that I would have addressed the issue by talking more!But whats worst is that she EVEN put me on hold with her email answer, saying she needed to gather her thoughts and she could not do it now.I replied that she was manipulating me again by putting me on hold even via email! She got annoyed about me saying that and said she will write to me soon.Well its been 10 days and this waiting for her email is driving me nuts!We chatted on skype twice but in a very dull way as I was pretending I was perfectly fine and so on.I started dating another girl I like but I still cannot get over her.What can I do?????I feel there has been no closure to the matter. I would like to talk to her about why she was at first attracted to me and then pulled away and what happen and so on. Even if it does result in a definitive end.I need some closure. Off course I wanna be with her, but I respect the fact she might not want that. I just wanna know what happen out of curiosity and to get closure.Should I call her instead of waiting for her email?talk on the phone?Or say I wanna see her to talk?Or should I just wait and wait and wait.....I personally wanna call her and tell her to meet up (remember she lives in another city). If she turns me down I can say lets talk on the phone now or later, and so on....Ladys what you recon? I am a been a sore loser? should just forget about it? Should I wait and allow her time to get back to me? Will she?thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ulick +, writes (13 November 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the question So. we have started talking on the phone and emailing more. I have not answered her txt for a day and she called me!
I am very old school. I bring her flowers each time, simple flowers I pick myself on my way to her. About 2 weeks ago she performed in a theather and as a surprise I had delivered to her a bouquet...well maybe thats too much but it was fun organizing it and she seemed to have loved it. At least she must have been surprised!
I am old school, I always tell her how much I find her special and charming, and how I admire her knowing what she wants and how she goes about it in her way even when its really hard.
I am more grounded now and I handle things better. I am fascinated and infatuated by her but I can live with the idea that we might not get together again and frankly I don't care. I learned how to let go.
I like to talk to her, to email her and think about her and surprise her even with little gifts. I can still do that even if we are not together.
I told her that I want with her a different type of experience, that I know that ouside there is a lot of misstrust of man and games and manipulation, but that in this space we have created for each other I want her to be what she really is, dazzling and intriguing, and to learn how to know her for this. That the moments we share together should be like oasis in the middle of busy and cahotic lives.
;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): How could you ever finish what you started when your just beginning but your thinking to cut it off, right away. I just don't get it.
I'm a woman, I can relate to her, if you want to make her heart melt be consistent. I know flowers is old school, but its refreshing. give her one.
Be creative, let her know your serious. But don't make the conversation dull and dramatic. keep it light, fun and exciting. Don't kiss her or hold her too much, you might be surprise when she initiates doing so, when your holding back, just a little.
Well, i could only give you advise. But the decision is still your to make, after trying and doing everything you can and she's still cold, Then its time to give up.
But for now, just enjoy the moment and have fun...
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (9 November 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo we briefly met today at her place. I asked why she was distant and she said she was like that and felt that things should come natural. That she want to focus on her self and does not want to have any things making her life more difficult right now and that she felt it became difficult btw us already. So I asked her if she still wanted to see each other and she said yes. We talked and hanged out at her place. She was really stressed because she was waiting for a delivery she needed before taking the train for work. Physically she was distant. I hugged her nd kissed her. She let me but she did it without passion. She did not want to sit on my laps. And definitely not sex.At this stage I have 2 options.1) walk away. She distanced her self emotionally, and I do not understand why she still emails me, txt me and tells me she want to see me when her body language is so cold. 2) gain her back and start with a casual relationship as she wants it. I am still happy for a casual intense relationship as it started. But right now it's not intense at all. I will have to keep getting in touch with her consistently even if she makes an effort to answer me. I will have to visit her every week in her city until I win her back. I will need to be persistent give her a lot of attentions to the point that it might become humiliating. But in the end I might win her or lose her or become the nice guy that treats her right while she fucks some jerk!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): Great! Now what you need is consistency. alright? be consistent. becoz words without action is useless...Good luck..
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (7 November 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkey. thank you so much for your help. It was very helpful.
I called her, chatted and txt her and we started talking again. I told her more or less how I felt about her and that I still believe in us and so on. It was nice talking and I felt as things got so much better, and in expressing how I felt all the tension dissapeared. She is responding too. Now I decided to meet her on friday and scheduled a work meeting in her town. We have only couple of hours as she is leaving too.
I followed highmaintainance101 suggestions to plan my actions in order to get her back and I will now follow aunt honesty tips to be brutally honest. In the end what caused our break is that I felt there where some issues that needed talking, but I ignored them because I was scared that facing them might drive her away, where in fact not facing them drove her away.
What I am worried is that I might come accross to heavy considering I am kind off love sick. So I will try not to be so heavy in our interaction while making sure I address everything I need to understand what happened.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 I agree with highmaintenance101 to a certain degree here, however you do need to be careful that you do not over contact her either. We need to remember here that for some reason she has cooled off, I can see you do not want to give up hope and you do need to talk to her, even if it is the worst case scenario that she does not want you in her life at least then you know you can move forward.
She keeps ignoring your question every time you ask her, therefore it is clear that whatever is wrong with her she does not want to discuss it. If she ignores when you write to her, then why not call her again and be brutally honest with her. Tell her you are finding it very hard to get over her, that you really like her and ask her is there anyway you can both give it another shot, if there is anything you want to do to prove to her your feelings or to make things easier for it to work out then tell her this, and ask her for her honest opinion about how she feels. I think at this stage this is the only thing that is going to give you closure to move on with your life or else the second chance you want. Either way for the moment I think the best thing for you to do is to remain single so that this other girl you are dating doesn't get hurt in the process.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I don't think if its a good idea. Contrary to what most people believe that absence makes grow the heart founder, it isn't true..
Think of a plant if you don't water it everyday, what will happen? it will die. Its just like LOVE, if you let it go, it will also fade.
What your feeling, is the most beautiful thing in the world. I might be the world's worst critic when it comes to love, but i also believe that once in a while, its o'k to be stupid and fight for your love.
She might not be interested as much as she used to be to you, but have you tried to show her what i told you, Be consistent.. One time call is not enough. But its up to you, i'm just trying to help you, cuz i know how it feels to let go of someone you really care for becoz of pride. Its the most stupid move in the world. Its your decision.
Once you let go, there's no turning back, when u decide to make a come back, might be too late,if you wont give it a chance how will u ever know ... Anyway good luck..
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (5 November 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks highmaintainance101.
Your previous post motivated me to call her up.
I know what you mean and yes I feel I should do that, but at the same time I get loud and clear that she is not interested in me anymore as it used to be and feel any more calling her up, emailing her, will just kill even further the attraction. Maybe is time to take a distance.
But at the same time maybe taking a distance will definitely drive us apart and loose her.
I have been dating other girls hoping that my earth will be lighter and I could just then call her and talk to her with easy and delight instead of person that hangs from her lips.
But to no avail.
I need to change my mood from depressed and love sick to a better mood before I get back to her.
I need more easy and delight.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Goodness you must be very in love with this girl. why don't u start to get serious, making plans on how to get her back.
What are those qualities she used to like about you before? Enhanced those qualities, double your effort, otherwise you will lose the one you love from some one else.
Grow up, be a man.. Think like a bank meaning secure your assets, know your liabilities and invest wisely...
if you still don't get it, well prepare for bankruptcy..
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (4 November 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't get over this girl. I just can't. I think about her all the time.
I write to her but I can feel she gets back too me without the promptness and warmth she used to when we had it going good at first. Something pulled her away, I am not sure if it was me, if its another guy....and this drives me mad. I have asked her and she did not reply to the question. Something happened and I wanna find out what happen and wether is it recoverable. But if she does not tell, how the hell can I figure it out?
I have been dating another wonderful girl in the meantime, good looking, great conversation, super smart and independent, spend a lot of time together but I still can't get over the other one, I have difficulties even getting an erection which never happened to me before. The sex with the other one was amazing, physically she was perfect for me. I am so mad about her I just can't move on.
The reason that I can't move on is that I feel there is some hope to reconcile the relationship by putting some real effort on my side. She does not cut me off completely which she could if she wanted, so this and a gut feeling gives me hope.
Or at least I need to know what happen exactly in order to move on.
The real dilemma is that she lives far away so in order to have a good talk I need to get over there. I feel doing it right away but I also feel that she might get scared or annoyed by my insecurity and this might blow any last hope....
what the hell do I do?
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (29 October 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx for all your feedbacks!
So I called her!
I figured it was pointless waiting when I could just call her and see what was up.
So...we talked for 30 minutes, I told her I thought about her a lot and she said she thought about me a lot and so on....we did not set any goals to meet or call each other back but the conversation went well. We where both excited and happy to talk to each other.
Not sure what to make of it. She seemed to have had a good time even with the idea that we had broke up, whereas I was sad and worried.
But I feel much better!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, writing here and your feedback definetely helped me out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2012): If you really wanted to have her badly, CALL HER, WOO HER and TELL HER HOW YOU Really FEEL. You're a man what could you lose? Nothing right? You can't get what you want just by waiting..I believe hard work pays off... In war and In Love..What are you waiting for ???Good luck..
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A
male
reader, ulick +, writes (28 October 2012):
ulick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionaunt honesty thxs you are probably right. The only issue is that this waiting for her email is killing me. Its literally keeping me awake every night to check if she wrote me (as she tends to write emails after 2 AM) and really making me depressed.I don't know how to deal with this as I hope she writes soon but at the same time might know she might never do it or do it a long time from now....this waiting game gets to me.I wrote her about this and she said she will write soon. But I think its a game that comes natural to her so she does not even realize it.There are 2 options:1) call her it will release tension on my end but might cause some on her and she might decide never to answer or even keep me more on hold.2) forget about it very annoying as I would like to find out what happend and at to forget about her at this moment seems really hard and I also feel there could be a chance as even if she moved away she did not want to stop seeing each other probably hoping to work things out, but I got angry and walked out of her.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (28 October 2012):
If I am honest with you I just cannot see things working out between the both of you, she kept you at a distance for a reason and I guess it is because you both don't get a chance to meet up much to get to know each other well. I think you need to accept that things will not work out here. As for dating the other girl, again I would advice against dating anybody until you sort your head out, as am sure you don't want someone else to get hurt while you are wanting another girl.
If it would make you feel better then sure ring her, ask her to meet up so you can talk, if she refuses be completely honest with her on the phone about how you feel, and explain that you just need closure. Good luck.
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