A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't date often and tend not to date multiple people at once. I met a guy I am really interested in on a free online dating site two weeks ago, last weekend we went on a first date. It was a few drinks but the evening was great, as we parted he asked for a second date for this weekend but I was busy so I suggested that we could arrange something. He messaged me an hour later and we've been exchanging small talk over the past week.He says that he works 12 hour shifts and has a schedule of back to back shifts then eventually he will be back to normal shifts in a couple of weeks.I haven't heard from him in a couple of days, but he's been back on the dating site and clicked my photo as a match. I'm not sure if deliberately or unconsciously. I know this shouldn't be an issue as we are not exclusive . I really like him and not sure what to make of his intentsions.Over the years I recognise someone who is looking for a casual hook up, he has not shown any intensions of this, but during a drunken message he said that I'm lucky that he hasn't sent me any saucy messages, and then later apologised for saying that. Does anyone have any opinions that could help me figure out whether to forget about him as he hasn't confirmed a date and still looking for dates or be patient?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time out to respond. Having being single for 5 years, I've come across many time wasters and game players which doesn't help when I'm genuinely looking for a relationship. Its been a nice surprise to come across this guy, with my negative experience I just wish to put the situation in perspective for me.
I had installed the app on my phone and without logging onto the site I was able to see he'd put us as a match, but I have logged on to read back his messages, thou have no intention of taking anyone else until I know where I stand with this guy. Since reading your responses I have sent him a message and he's responded but I guess I can only take his word and as suggested wait and see. Thank you for all your comments
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 June 2015):
 I'd just go slow with this one. If he has a couple of rather rough work-week ahead, I can understand him not feeling up to going out on a date... BUT not contacting you over a couple of days.. I don't know, calling for a 5-10 min conversation after work (unless he gets off really late) it seems to me like a little bit of a lack of interest. BUT it is still early days.
And by the way you CAN shoot him a text asking him how things are at his end. You are not bound by any rules to "sit at the phone" and wait for him to contact you.
It's funny that you mention he has been back on the dating site, because? YOU have too. So whole you MAY both be interested there is NO need to take down your profile just yet... Maybe he was checking to see if YOU were on YOUR profile lately...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2015): Yes you are lucky he hasnt sent him any saucy messages becuase then you might have seen right through him. Not eactly a compliment is it?
So hes too busy to see you for a coffee but not too busy to continue his search online
I would see this one as a lucky escape
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2015): i would suggest that as youve already met and enjoyed the date the cat is in the bag so to speak. He probably thought it was a brush off when you told him you were too busy for the second date and im sure his friends are telling him to back off a little as its early days..but he thinks hes done it and you are a match already dating as nd talking on the phone.For all you know he maybe head over heels in love and i can guarantee you will be going on a second date, but your theory of not being mutually exclusive could blow back in your face as he probably thinks hes met the One.So think carefully about how you want to project yourself to him and take it slowly because the One doesnt usually sound desparate,or just out for a quickie, or looking for casual fun. The One has rules and boundaries like loyalty and an expectation of a great life together.The One is not out looking for riff raff and she doesnt expect her partner to be doing that either!
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