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anonymous
writes: I recently found out that my husband had a 'Virtual' affair. I discovered a email address that I did not know he had. It was about four years ago and we were going through a rough patch I had put on alot of weight and work was very demanding. He says I did not give him the attention he needed which is true and the emails were just a relief to get some attention and feel attractive and needed by someone. Now I feeling very angry because at the time I needed attention and it seems he took the quick way out and did not try.He is saying they did not sleep togther it was just a fantasy and it would take him alot to actually have an affair. I know I did not put a lot of effort in at the time and I let things get really bad for a long time but after this I have really tried to make amends this time round but I feel that he is not trying enough. He is trying to forget it or is he just happy he never got caught. The emails that were sexual did not bother me as much as the emotional ones it just feels like our whole relationship is a lie; I really want to get over this but its so hard. I wake up at night and imagine all the times he went out and was it with her. He says they had a normal relantionship at work as she is married also and has kids and it was purely on email. The mails were a few years old but a recent one was sent by her asking to go out for a drink and she said sorry the email was not sexy/romantic but that was your new rules, if I had not found it would it have started again. I want to trust him but I feel so scared and tired of not thinking about it anymore. He said he will go to counselling if I feel we need it or if I cant get over it.Please help me,
P
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): I would find it hard to continue, but you could try through counselling. You need to see some real comitment coming from him before deciding what to do. He should reply to the email she sent with one that says he does not want to see her or receive any more emails, that you know all about it and that he loves you and wants your marriage to work. He should ask you to press the "send" button. He should leave that job and get another, and promise to never see her again. You need to see some real strong moves from him.....or what is the point.
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (27 May 2007):
Dear ONline Affair. If I were to sum up your relationship, It is quite clear that neither of you have much going on at the communicational level, which makes for very little sexual- compatibility in bed also. The two must go hand in hand if a relationship is to work. Like most failed relationsps, The cause can be found in Sexual- Ignorance. and in the lack of communication. Love of couse is much more than just sex,it is also a deep commitment to each other. And with one's self always on the back-burner,of his neds or her needs first And out of cmmitment comes Love, but we tend to put sex first, and call it Love. Counselling will only work if the two of you want it to. Sharing our genital without sharing our minds is the best way to relational failure. And that is what I see in your relationship. And only the both of you can change that together.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2006): I had an affair with a man at work, who turned out to be 2 weeks newly married. He has since claimed to love his wife, but he used me for a thrill. I did not know he was married. He bombarded me with emails. He had no respect for me, and even less for his new wife. My advice would be to DUMP HIM!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2005): Go to counselling!!! Trust me it will help. It will take some time and lot of hard work but hopefully it will help you out in the long run. Talking to each other out loud with someone their to help will always make you feel better. Good Luck!!!
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