A
female
age
30-35,
*riya2014
writes:I am an Indian girl in our culture virginity matters a lot in marriage.i lost my virginity to my ex,i thought one day we will get married but he was so abusive so i broke up with him, now i am really scared ...i strongly believe that without honesty no relationship can work ..how will i face my future husaband, here in our culture no matter what a guy had done in his past he will still wish for a virgin bride...if i will hide this fact from him won,t it be considered as cheating..i am really confused or scared , is loosing ur virginity is sin ????
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broke up, lost my virginity, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (2 November 2012):
I understand that saying the truth is very difficult for both the one saying it and the one hearing it. But personally with regards to these types of situations it is best to be honest. I have had friends with very questionable pasts and they have found themselves in better situations by being honest. It is easy for me to say to be truthful but it doesn't make it any less important of advice. Listen to the advice everyone is giving you because it has the same thought process. You will need to find the strength in yourself to overcome your troubles and move on. We can only show you the way, you need to walk the path.
A
male
reader, Mig29 +, writes (2 November 2012):
I live in Delhi and its best that you inform who ever you are marring that you have been involved, if he cannot accept that then you are better off not marring such people, I agree with one comment here that "do not inform after you get married"Its no sin to have and nor is it a mistake, it was something that you wanted to do and you did it, its part of body and mine needs and that is at, do not think too much about it....
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A
female
reader, priya2014 +, writes (2 November 2012):
priya2014 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhere i am not talking about any boyfriend, i just broke up so i am single now,i am only thinking about future.i will go for an arrange marriage for sure ..i am only 20 now, there is still a lot of time for marriage but i am scared whenever i think of future,its easy for you guys to suggest that tell the truth,be honest, because you don,t live in this culture, in my family no guys can even tolerate this fact that their wife had any boyfriend in past....loosing virginity is out of question.Not even in my wildest dream i thought i will never got married to my ex but he was so abusive so i left him.
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A
female
reader, priya2014 +, writes (2 November 2012):
priya2014 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere I am not talking about any boyfriend, I just broke up so I am single now. I am only thinking about future. I will go for an arranged marriage for sure ..i am only 20 now, there is still a lot of time for marriage but i am scared whenever i think of future.It's easy for you guys to suggest that tell the truth, be honest, because you don't live in this culture, in my family no guys can even tolerate this fact that their wife had any boyfriend in past....loosing virginity is out of question.Not even in my wildest dream I thought I will never got married to my ex but he was so abusive so I left him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I m an Indian so i can understand ur position. Look, if the person u r talking about is ur boyfriend den u surely must tell him but if u r looking into an arranged marriage, don't even think about it. More often then not, guys going for an arranged marriage are not at all tolerant to their wife's past n it will just lead to problems 4 u n ur family. Try to move on instead.. All the best!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): I was born in a country near India and I understand what you say.
Some people in my country go to a gynecologist, make up a story about how their daughter has lost her hymen when she was climbing a tree and fell on a branch, or something like that, and then they get a virginity certificate from the gyn. I'm sure you can do something similar in India.
But remember: it's a lie. If your whole life is going to be ruined because of the mistake you made with your ex, tell the white lie and ask god for forgiveness. If it's not going to be a tragedy, speak up and tell the truth.
Also remember, if you want to let your future husband know, this is the right time. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut forever. The most huge mistake you can make is to marry him and tell him afterwards.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Just because its a big deal in the culture I don't see how that makes it okay to lie about it. Education and careers are a very big deal in the USA, but we don't think that makes it okay to lie to our partners about it.
I think you should handle it the same way you should handle anything else about you that is important to your partner. Tell the truth and deal with the consequences of your actions, whatever they may be.
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (1 November 2012):
It may or may not be looked upon badly but whether the outcome, you must be honest with your future husband and tell him your story. I assure you that this happens more often than you think as there are thousands of women like you, from India, who comes to this site with similar questions.
Do not let fear guide your path with dishonesty. You have made a mistake in your past this is a part of life and we all do search for love encountering these problems. Worry not about what the future brings, but embrace it. Good luck and all the best, I hope you find someone who will treat you right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2012): Are you talking about a guy you're currently seeing or are you talking in a hypothetical sense?
If you have a boyfriend you plan on marrying now, you should tell him, honesty is important to you so you won't be able to live a lie.
If it's a hypothetical and you're just wondering what effect it may have then it will make you less appealing to some but not all men. It's just important you let them know early that you're not a virgin to save you heartache if it's really an issue for them. Other than that I wouldn't worry too much. As big a deal as it is in your culture not all Indian men are strict nor strictly religious, you'll find plenty who won't mind and if you like you can both keep it a secret from everyone else.
"is loosing ur virginity is sin ????"
I believe religion is just a bunch of fairy stories believed by idiots, so no, virginity is not a sin. In fact the whole concept of virginity was basically invented by men as a means to control women, control how and who they breed with. Well screw that, that's not the kind of world we should live in.
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