A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay. This is really crazy but I want to have an affair with a married man. He wants me, too. BUT, I am a virgin!!!! He has no idea. I have been putting it off because I am a virgin but it has come to the point where we can't hold off sex any longer. What will he do when he finds out? Will he want to run away? Or will he enjoy the fact that he will be my first? I would appreciate your honest answers about the virginity issue and not moral judgments....
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 it is interesting that you ask for 'no moral judgements' here. seems that you yourself have already judged this to be morally unsound and you are worried that other people will do the same. do the right thing - you may be lacking a man in your life but that does not mean you have the right to pluck one out of the marital bed of someone else. you know its wrong, you don't need us to tell you that, so i won't lecture.
you need to get over this fixation. get a life, have good times with friends, go out socialising and hopefully an AVAILABLE man will come into your life that way. you are not slutty, you have kept your virginity this long, when the right man comes along he will TREASURE you! a married man will just use you as a spare vagina. the cosy family life, the kids, the emotional security, the companionship and the household boring mundane (but very necessary) things afre all provided by his wife and that is probably just the way he likes it.
of course he will be like a dog with 2 dicks when you tell him you're a virgin. i just hope that he has the morals to not act on it. and i hope you will have too.
remember - 'what goes around comes around'
x
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Not judgement free on this.
SO, you are going to allow yourself to be used by a married guy who will probably make you his dirty little secret.
You get to carry that memory the rest of your life that you participated in his unfaithfulness.
Obviously you have no pride.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): Expect judgement my dear whether you ask for it or not- act stupid and you will get treated in a stupid manor- by your 'lover' I mean! Losing your virginity to him will hurt you more emotionaly when he leaves you(YES HE WILL)! We always remember the one who took our first and I'm afraid your a fool for wanting to give such a precious gift to a man who lacks any moral values! You've waited so long, why waste it on a man who doesn't deserve it?
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A
female
reader, tibob  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Hello,
I know it's useless for me to tell you all the bad things of having an affair with a married man as most probably you won't listen to my advice. Anyway, if you want to have sex with this man, then you have no choice than telling him. Or if you don't want to tell him, you can buy yourself a sex toy and try to break your virginity yourself. But be careful. Or, you can even ask another man to help you in this issue. Maybe, another man can break your virginity and you have sex with the married man afterwards
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2011): OMG are you for real, you asked a question like this and you expect not to get judged!! My god, leave this married man alone, he has a family that are way more important then you will ever be, he will never leave his wife for you, he is using you and guess what you are falling for it big time, do not give a married man your virginity, you will regret it for a start. Do you have any morals? Come on do the right thing and walk away because at the end of the day of course you are going to get judged, I will never pretend to understand people like you who knowingly wants a man that is married, people like you quite frankly are pethetic and you need to go find a man of your own....he is taken. Nuff said, do the right thing for once on your life!!!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I'll make you a deal. I promise not to morally judge YOU as long as I get to throw in a lecture or two. I also promise to directly answer your virginity issue. Fair enough??
Okay! You have to tell this guy that you're a virgin before you both have sex, otherwise BOY could you get hurt. A man has to be really gentle, and you will most likely need K-Y jelly for your first time, as you're not used to dealing with the insertion of a man's penis.
Also, he's going to feel one of two ways when he hears you're a virgin. C Grant is right -- he'll be thrilled, because bagging (or breaking in, or popping a cherry or insert any catchphrase) a virgin is a high honor. Depending on the sort of man he is, it might also make him uneasy due to the fact that virgins tend to really bond with their first, meaning if his intentions with you are purely sexual and he has no plans of leaving his wife, you will eventually want more than he is willing to give.
NOW -- I get to lecture! Don't worry, I won't be too mean to you. But really? You're thinking about giving your virginity to a married man? Why would you do that to his wife? Why would you allow him to horribly betray the woman that he professed love to? What if he has kids?
You know that this WILL come out, and the "other woman" takes the fall, no matter if it's him that did the pursuing or not. Also, he can't offer you anything. You can go on no dates, or hold hands, or introduce him to your family, or plan a future together. All you can do is secretly go somewhere to have sex with a bit of fluffy flowery words thrown in to butter you up. Of course he's going to bash his wife, play up his neglected intimacy and her flaws, because if he told you that his wife was amazing, you won't want to have sex with him!
Don't let frustration at being a virgin at your age drive you to squander it into undeserving hands. This is a dodge away from true intimacy, and when all is said and done, you'll feel used and wrung out while he gets the best of both worlds. You're better than that. No married men! No allowing them to betray, lie, hurt, and cheat. You don't date cheaters. You don't sleep with cheaters.
You're good enough to have a man who can make promises to you. This guy isn't, and how will you feel when, as soon as his wife finds out, you hear that he said to her "She doesn't mean anything to me.".
Lecture over. See? No judgment. Only dire warning.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Assuming he's your age, I suspect that he'd never have imagined he'd have a shot at a virgin at this point in his life. I have no doubt that he'd be quite thrilled. One of the really great things about virginity is that you can't be compared to anyone else. Perhaps that's why he's looking for someone other than his wife.I see that you've asked for no moral judgments, and I have to tell you that you're just kidding yourself if you think that won't happen here. Imagine that things had been different, that you'd married someone you loved some years ago, and that he was in this situation. How, exactly, would you feel if your husband was contemplating this? Do you really think that helping him cheat on his wife is a good thing for you to do?
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