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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,Ok.. heres the deal.. Im a 21 year old girl, good looking (or so Ive been told), fun, confident, sporty, smart, great family, on the path to a great career..basically Little Miss perfect.. life could not be better.. In fact Im really really happy with my life.. except for this one small (thats debateable) problem..SexAlthough Im up to scratch in every other area, this is the road less travelled for me.I'm of the belief that sex is a very special, very personal thing and I damn sure amn't going to have it with just anybody! But lately as the virgin quota amongst my group of friends is dying out I've found myself questioning the unconscious reasons behind it, and whether by avoiding sex Im actually pushing people away from me. I've never been short of male attention, and have had boyfriends in the past who were fine with the situation when I told them.. if a little surprised. I have been becoming more intimate with each guy, but the idea of actual sex-sex just seems.. distant.The guy Im seeing right now doesn't know, but he's very anxious to get me alone and although he's a lovely guy, I cant help but see him as a sexual threat. I think its just short term with him, so its not him in particular Im asking about.I think maybe my aversion is tied up with my catholic schooling to an extent, my desire to always do the right thing and probably more then anything, the idea of losing the power in a relationship is not a happy thought.Trust me I don't want to be a virgin forever. Any advice (other then just go do it or the classic "When your ready you'll know" ones). Cheers Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): I'm 19 and pretty much the same way except the sporty and catholic part. I'm a virgin and don't give a rats patuty about the people around me. I tell all my boyfriends right off and if they don't like it at least our time hasn't been wasted. I feel proud to still be a virgin and i get suprised looks from the gents when i tell them, most are fine with the no sex "rule", for lack of a better word. You should feel proud and not pressured.
I think every body should respect themselves enough to wait until they are mentally ready for that kind of move in life.
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (6 June 2006):
 With your religious background there's a good chance you will feel horrible if you just give it away and it will feel that way if you ever break up.
The statistics of someone marrying their first sexual experience is very low.
The only way to ensure is to wait until marriage. It is actually nice to have a day to hold out to instead of the proverbial 'whenever it feels right'. There are thousands and even millions of people who wait until marriage to have sex, they just aren't the ones that scream from the rooftops that they are waiting!
The people who pressure you are the ones that want you down to their level. If they were honest with you, almost all of them wishes they hadn't given it away to that long gone loser.
It is your body, your choice. Don't let your friends or boyfriends pressure you into something you don't want to do. They are not great friends or boyfriend if they do.
GOOD LUCK!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): I am exactly where you are- I freak out if I got close to being intimate with anyone. But trust me, I know several kids my age who have already lost their virginity- and they usually have regreted doing it when they did and with whom they did it with. I have learned not to be so afraid of sexual things recentally( ive started to explore myself etc) bring out my "sparky" side- but only for my personal levels of confidence- I dont do it to attract anyone or flirt, I just like feeling good about myself. Dont feel any rush to lose your virginity- no matter how many people around you are doing it- DO wait until you are in a long-term relationship and you are comfortable and ready and have good communication and trust. There's nothing wrong with waiting. If you need to be "satisfied" then work on self pleasure... other wise dont worry about the opposite sex unless you have to.. There really is no rush, and its better to know when the right time is than to get ahead of yourself based on societal expectation. Base it on your expectation and dont worry- if you start to worry then use your time on something else to distract yourself- like always do sports, school, art, read whatnot.. it keeps your mind and feelings away from it- or use those feelings to outlet into something- write music, do community service etc. Theres no hurry to find a mate even though you may feel that way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): Wow, little miss perfect? What's your email address?
Hey your "desite to always do the right thing" will help you live a very good and happy life, trust me - you will thank your catholic morality. Hold on to these ideals even if they feel like they have held you back.
I guess I can see where you are coming from - the longer this goes on without you having sex with someone, the more it might become a problem for you - the more you'll entertain the idea of self-doubt, and this self-doubt may cloud your otherwise clear judgement and so you choose to abstain from sex when you previously wouldn't have.
The only thing I can think of saying to you is that, no matter what, you will ALWAYS remember your first time, for the rest of your life. For that reason, whatever you, make sure it is at least semi-special?
In all honesty, it's a shame there isn't more girls like you who value their body and sexual intimacy a little more as this certainly isn't the case. A lot of girls have to go through 10, 20, 30, or even more sexual relationships to realise what you already do now! Stick to those ideals and beliefs, they will help you out for the rest of your life!
:)
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