A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so here goes.My little sister is ruining my relationship with my dad. My parents divorced when I was little, and both of them have found new parntners. I'm fine with that. My dad went off to have two children with another woman, one of which I love to pieces.The other one however, is awful.Please don't say I'm being pathetic, because of my age and hers (She's 7, nearly 8) but I hate going to my dads house when she's there.She's physically violent (kicking, punching, and the occasional bite) and verbally abusive.When I tell my father about this he punishes her for the physical things, but when it comes to the name calling and other upsetting things (she has said many nasty things to me, including telling my to drop dead)he says she doesn't mean it, and she's too young to understand the meaning. Even though I know she really does know what she's saying.For example: Once she called me a slut, and when asked by my dad what it meant, she replied "It's a pretty girl," my dad said that she was obviously too young to know what it meant, and told her it was not nice and not to say it again, but as soon as my dads back was turned she said "It means you try have too many boyfriends,"Although she didn't know the full meaning, she still knew part. And many incidents like this have happened.She's very nice to her friends in school, and so many times my dad and stepmother don't believe me when I tell them that she has said something.This has been going on for about 2 years now, and I can't carry on any longer, I want to be able to see my dad, but if it means spending time near my sister I dread going there.Could anyone give me some form of advice on this? If this carries on or gets worse I will have to cut off contact with my father entierly until she reaches a more mature level.Thankyou, and I'm sorry about it being so long
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): Wow, thank you. I never really looked at it from that point of view as I spend most of my time trying to get away from her, rather than get closer.
My other sister is 12, and gets along fine with my littlest sister, which is another reason I never thought of jelously. But they both live together while I live at my mothers.
Next time I see her I'll try and offer to do something girly, see if quality time will improve her behavior.
Thankyou so much for your advice
A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 It sounds to me like she may feel threatened by you. Middle children often do. She is not the oldest, or the smartest, and she's not the cute little baby either. You get to do so many things she is not allowed to do. Go to parties and have boyfriends, hang out with your friends whenever you want. An 8 year old could get very jealous of all those things.
Maybe she overheard someone once call you the prettiest one, or say something cruel like she was not as pretty as you were at her age. Think about it and maybe something will come to you that helps you better understand where her insecurities are coming from.
It could be as simple as her thinking your dad pays less attention to her whenever you are there.
But whatever it is you can deal with it easier once you understand where it's coming from. It will also help you figure out how to disarm her attacks against you. For instance, when your gf's come over, make a big deal about her to them and introduce her as your "other best friend" (or something complimentary). And don't make a fuss over your baby sister. Just say and that is.........
Also surprise her by telling her you have a problem you can't talk to your parent about and need her help with it. Make up something about a girl fighting with you at school or a mean teacher or anything like that, And ask her what she thinks you should do. This is a great move because it makes her feel special that you would want her opinion and also creats some sympathy in her for you. It tells her that you have feelings too that can be hurt just like she does.
Once you have the wall down between you two, work to keep it down. The next time you are getting ready to go out or are just pampering yourself, ask her if she'd like you to do her hair or paint her nails too when you do yours. In other words treat her like an older sister should treat their younger sister, even if you don't feel like it at first, pretend. And I guarenttee you that she will look up to you the rest of her life and stop being a brat.
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