A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok. Known this guy for 1year 1/2 who had a problem commiting so we was friends w benefits. He is also an Alcoholic. Broke up Dec 08 He try to contact me but I would not respond. In March he showed up at my house. Guess he has been sober since Feb now. When we saw each other after almost 4 months. I realized I still had feeling for him He said he had just started dating a woman 3 weeks ago and all he wanted was to help. After a week of talking we decided to try and see how things would work out. He broke it off w the other woman. Two weeks into trying to figure things out. He broke it off w me and sad he was confused and could not date any1. 3 weeks after that he would call, text, email, show up at my house begging me to give him a chance said he realized he loves me. I found out that a week after he broke it off w me he had sex w her again. That really hurt me. she broke it off w him . Since then he been begging me for 2 months. I care for him but scared to get hurt again. I called him one morning and met that day and had sex. after having sex I told him not to read into it that I was still confused. we text a couple times for a week. I took time to thin and try to figure out what I wanted so I decided to call him and try n work things out. I come to find out that he had sex w a married woman. He said it was just a fuck! that we was not together that she dint mean anything. I am hurt but trying to work it since we was not together. I told him wanted to try and learn to trust and work things out but that I did not want him to contact that woman again. That if it was just a fuck n she is married he did not owe her an explanation. He agreed and said he wouldn't. This morning he tells me that she emailed. he replyed to break it off and told her he is with me. I feel he lied by replying. Advc please :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for ur input. It has been a roller coaster the past year in half.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): This guy is clearly a bad bet and your relationship with him is unhealthy because for a year and a half it has been on again off again.
He is flighty, probably a sex addict and he can't commit. Worse yet he is an alchoholic and I seriously doubt he is clean and sober for the last 4 months...his behavior is typical of someone whose addiction has disintegrated his personality, he is for all practical purposes "insane".
You cannot have a relationship with an insane person.
Stay away from him and do yourself a favor and stop all contact with him. Surely you don't want to keep living in fear of this guy cheating and disappearing and taking you for granted. You aren't his girlfriend, you are a nothing to him. You deserve much better don't you think?
Why don't you look for an Alanon meeting in your community and attend. It is for family members and others who are involved with alchoholics and they can help support you in your effort to extricate this cancer from your life and deal with any guilt you have over it or any other thing that keeps you hooked into this dysfunctional relationnship.
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