A
female
age
30-35,
*opeless Happiness.
writes:I dont really know how to go about this, but I'm going to try and explain.This will sound cheesy and overused, but I'm madly and hopelessly in love with my teacher. It's been almost a year now and I can't see anything improving. I hate the use of the phrase "in love". It's thrown around by little girls constantly, and people don't even understand what they are claiming.I can't sleep without her. Breathe without her. Every thought that passes my mind brings me to her. I know so much about her, and we spend a lot of time together. I'm the first to admit that when I began feeling everything, it was probably a cliche teenage crush. Admiration. I dont deny that. But I acted on it, spent more time with her, learnt so much about her and gradually fell in love with her. So deeply in love that I can't remember life before her, and I dont see a life without her.She amazes me a little more everyday, no matter how impossible it feels. Even the teachers are enchanted by her, she's the most genuinely amazing person I've ever known. I truly believe she is my soulmate, even though I don't tend to believe in things like that. Or at least, I didn't until she came along.Problem is, we're quite close. Good friends I'd say. She is with everyone though, which makes that a lot harder. She's been worried about me for some time now, because I'm constantly crying and emotional. She's the first one I turn to, but it's her that's doing this to me. I'm considering telling her as she's desperate to help me, but feels useless. Maybe I should explain, but not say who? I really dont know.I've analysed the situation over and over, and it's so complicated. She is pretty much best friends with every student, and each of us believe we are close with her. But since day one we really have connected, and I know we have something special. It's difficult because I can see at times things she wants to say, how she feels, but I know it will never be anything like this. I never knew I could love someone so much, in so many ways. She's my family, my best friend, my teacher, the love of my life. I constantly feel suicidal, even after amazing things (well, they are to me) happen with her. I need her to survive it feels, and it's becoming a dangerous obsession that I'm growing cautious of. I've been on these websites, got advice, tried to move on. I've distanced myself from her, got angry at her - nothing works. I have to see her every day and I can't just block her out of my life. We both mean too much to each other, even though she just thinks I'm a good kid. I've written hundreds of songs late at night trying to capture how I feel, I've talked to everyone I can. It's seemingly impossible.She's blissfully married with a gorgeous baby, and everytime she talks about them or I have to see them it tears me up. I have my heart broken nearly every day, seeing her with everyone else being so amazingly happy. Happiness she gave me, and then took away. I can't even describe how hard the past year has been, and I really dont know what to do anymore. She makes me feel so involved in her life and everything. I cry every day because seeing her just overwhelms me. I could watch her for hours, she's the most beautiful being. More beautiful than I ever dreamed anyone could be in my eyes.When people like people, they tend to not talk or be shy around them. But me and her click. We never stop talking, every lesson we sit together and forget the world it seems. Until she has to rush off, as always. She's so busy, I just wish she'd take some time to sit and be with me like she used to.I consider myself to be quite mature, and I really want to spend the rest of my life with this woman. It still doesn't seem long enough somehow. I've never loved anyone like this, not even close; and it's killing me slowly every day. If anyone has any advice or is in a similar position, please let me know, Thankyou, sorry it's long :)
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best friend, crush, fell in love, move on, my teacher, shy, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Hopeless Happiness. +, writes (28 July 2011):
Hopeless Happiness. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, it's been a while. SO much has happened.. and when I thought I was getting over it.. I wasn't. It's been over 3 years now! We actually used to talk about the situation lots, but to 'cover herself', she would always say we have to pretend she doesn't know. She basically said ignorance was the answer. Being that she already knew and that we'd spoken about everything over these 3 years, I thought I might as well get it all out there. Cut a long story short, she basically wanted me to tell her everything, so I did. Oh my. Lets say I got into lots of trouble because she kept it for a while, then got annoyed at me one day and told senior staff. I was in deep trouble. Just thought I'd update, completely forgot about this website. Things kinda suck now. Still trying to move on, but at least now I have anger and a lot of confusion which is helping "/
A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Aww, that's great news! I'm honestly happy/glad for you. Thanks for the update :-) xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): It's great that you are feeling better about this. And thanks for letting us know, I think what you have said will be a big comfort and a sign of hope for anyone going through a similar thing. x
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A
female
reader, Hopeless Happiness. +, writes (21 August 2009):
Hopeless Happiness. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, its me again.
Well; it's finally happening. Im getting over her. Im looking at it in the past and I dont feel the same way anymore. There'll always be something there I know, you dont just forget it, but im okay now.
Mostly this happened because she's said to someone that she senses something. That Im a bit too close to her and stuff, which scared me into having to get over it. It's been really hard but im doing great and once ive seen her, i know i'll be able to move past it and get on with my life. Im so happy i cant even explain, thank you so, so much to everyone!
Big love to all!
Good luck to anyone in the same position, it WILL get better!
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): In what way do you like this woman? In a realationship way or a friend way you dont state?
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female
reader, Hopeless Happiness. +, writes (27 July 2009):
Hopeless Happiness. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all, thankyou so much. Your answers have made me think a lot and have been really supportive + lovely.
I'm on summer holidays at the moment, which really is making things hard but I've been strong so far. I feel quite happy without her, and although it feels like it's been forever without her; I'm coping generally well. I just know when I go back it will go straight back to how i was. At the moment I feel a bit over her, like things are improving but I only have to hear her name or see a picture and I'm gone again. It's so difficult.
Thanks again to everyone, more answers would be appreciated :) xx
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A
female
reader, MeridianStar +, writes (25 July 2009):
I don't know whether this answer will be at all helpful, but I will do my best.I know this sounds so awful for me to say when I don't know you and I can't possibly understand what you're going through, but can't you try and see this in a positive way? Try and realise that you are so, so lucky to know this woman, even if it doesn't seem that way now. Many people your age are desperately unhappy and have no-one to turn to, and yet you have someone who not only do you trust but is willing to listen and understands you. I'm guessing she is also an amazing teacher, although you don't mention what subject she teaches, so you also have the opportunity to learn and to enjoy learning which many people will never experience.If it makes you feel any better (which I highly doubt, but it's worth a shot) I went through something similar when I was about fifteen. It had lasted almost a year for me as well, and I couldn't see any way out of it. I realised from the start that I didn't want a 'relationship' or anything, and it was more that I idolised this guy than being in love, but my feelings were still very similar to yours. I would torture myself by taking the slightest thing he did as a sign that he didn't like me and hating myself for it, which then made me hate myself more for being so pathetic. Whatever I tried, there seemed no way to distract myself or to think about ANYTHING else, and I just felt so low all the time. It took about another half a year before it faded, and it still hasn't completely gone, but it's now just a normal teenage crush rather than a 'this guy is my life' type thing.One more point - if you do decide to tell her, like some of the other answers have suggested, be prepared for an answer which is hurtful or not what you were expecting, just because she is scared or surprised. It's easy to think that because you see her as perfect she'll react in exactly the way you imagine, but remember that she has her faults as well, even if they're not always easy for you to see. If she does react badly, don't take it too personally - it sounds to me like you have a great relationship, which should hopefully soon get back to normal. However, you still want to think about whether telling her will lead to a scene which you'll regret.I know you won't believe me now, and you might not want to believe me either, but this WILL come to an end eventually. You will see it as something you can learn from and move on, and things will get better. You say you see yourself as being quite mature, and from your writing style and the way you are able to express your feelings I believe you. I'm going to answer a cliche with a cliche, by saying that you are obviously a great person who is going to go far in life and in your future relationships. This might be getting you down now, and maybe for a long time to come, but it won't affect the rest of your life. Trust me.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): do you like her in that way?
because you do realise nothing can and will happen, i like your writing though, very good.
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (12 July 2009):
hi, my heart honestly goes out to you on reading your post, i understand what you mean as I am going through a similar thing, though yours seems worse tbh.i appreciate how much you feel for this woman, and identify with so much that you've described. This is definately one of the most moving and accurate things I've read about loving a teacher. I completely agree with way "im in love with my teacher" has turned into a cheesy cliche that hundreds of girls claim. A lot the situations I have read and known centred around fantasies and looks - NOT love. Mine too, started off as a little crush - I'd get that "rush" seeing him in the corridor, I'd look forward to lessons, I'd love his appearance and think how fit he was. But then I got to know him, and the looks became just a beautiful bonus, and I fell in head first. And am still utterly helpless. Lol.I also get what you mean with the friendship thing, though again yours is closer than mine. But I go into my teacher's classroom for no reason other than craving his company and wanting a chat (i love talking to him more than anything); he is the first thing in my head at the start of the day; the last thing at night. And he's there every minute in between those points too. He is the reason I go to school, life feels pointless without him. I miss him crazily on weekends and days I don't have English. I know a lot about him too, but again, he's close to loads of people. This hurts, coz, just as we've had an amazing conversation, I will see him walking down the corridor laughing with some other random student. And any gram of hope is lost again.I am very grateful for the fact that my teacher isn't married and has no kids. But he lives with his girlfriend, and she often comes into school with him. Seeing them walking down the corridor together is worse than anything. Loneliness, humiliation, envy, pain pain pain. The phrase "kick in the teeth" doesn't even begin to cover it.I haven't written songs like you, but I wrote a very long letter to him, describing how I feel. Every postiive and painful emotion I've felt over him goes into that letter. I very much doubt I will dare give it to him when I leave school, but having it is like a lifeline, a possibilty to work towards. It also helps get things off your chest, and, next time you're feeling down over him, you can read the positive bits. Maybe you could try this? I'm not sure I can advise you on what to do about your situation - as I have no idea myself - but you are not alone. Please please send me a private message if you'd like to talk about it, any time. Hang in there though, don't let go, and don't hate yourself. I've had to have a couple of councilling appointments 'cause I've been so low, hurting, and full of hate for myself over it. They didn't help the feeling go away, of course not - I believe he will always have a place in my heart and life, whether it stays unrequited or not. But I cam away with techniques on controlling my thoughts, and getting to sleep at night. I do think you should talk to someone in a similar way; you do seem depressed and you need to talk about it, it's pulling you down and eating you up inside, as Samantha said. Even if you don't want to see a councillor, talk to someone you trust or message me. I don't normally recomend telling the teacher, but I think you should use it as a last resort... though you are pretty near the last-resort stage to be honest, please give the talking-to-someone suggestion a try first.I really hope some of that helped. Feel free to private message me. good luck, i am thinking of you xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): I felt very moved by what you wrote, and I can see how deeply you feel about this woman.
A lot of what I would suggest, it sounds like you have tried. For example, distracting yourself, focusing on the negatives, telling people, etc.
When you say you have talked to people, do you mean that you have told people how you are feeling? If so, then maybe you need to try again, because they may not realise how deep your feelings are, and how much pain this is causing you.
I think you know, deep down, that something needs to give. Something needs to happen. This can't go on as it is, because it seems to be eating you up inside. You mentioned before that you sometimes just want to tell her, especially as she can tell there is something wrong. I think this might actually be a good idea, if all other options aren't helping.
I know this will be a big thing to do, but what will you have to lose? I can't say what will happen, and I wouldn't like to try and guess.
I have been in a similar situation. I developed deep feelings for a man who was in a position of trust. He was supporting me with some things, and a relationship between us was a definite no-no. But it got to the point where I had to tell him. I couldn't keep it in any longer. Things didn't work out, due to other factors, but it felt right to just get it out.
You might feel a lot better simply for telling her. Or she might be able to help you cope with your feelings somehow. Or she might know of someone else who can.
I do think you need to tell someone exactly what you have told us here. Don't hold back. It could be that somebody who is more experienced will be able to offer more suggestions.
I don't know if this has helped at all, but I hope something has. Good luck. x
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