A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Feeling a little depressed. Very much in love with someone who does not treat me the way I feel I deserve to be treated. I know we all have our faults but I try to be supportive, kind, calm and loving towards my b/f. He swings from being funny and romantic to yelling and cursing at me all in the same day. Right now he's out of town on business and for the first time, I'm not looking forward to seeing him come home because I know I'll go from the extreme high of his "good moods" to the extreme low of his horrible moods. I don't think he can control his temper and the way he speaks to me when he's mad or stressed out, and yet I don't want to be without him. I know I'm a little co-dependent and scared to be on my own. I hate the idea of having to start dating all over again. It's so hard because of the games people play. At least I've learned about all his fault, but I feel like I'm on a roller coaster every day. When he's in a good mood, he's really great to be around. I just never know how long it will last and because I love him so much, his dark moods really hurt my self esteem and my very soul. I don't know what to do.
View related questions:
depressed, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): Communication is the solution. Speak with him, maybe he needs you much more than you think. Ask him about his problems and answer with love, and never play with him.
A
female
reader, SWEETANDSASSY  +, writes (30 April 2009):
i know how you feel am having the same abuse men want you to depend on them so you dont have the strengh to go away but in the end they are the ones who will miss you after you leave hang on a little longer but if things dont change leave and find a life for yourself he will miss you but remember if you leave dont go back cause he will be the same in the long run
...............................
A
female
reader, SWEETANDSASSY +, writes (30 April 2009):
you need to treat yourself with respect before anyone else will let him know why you feel like you do and if things dont change girl leave and find someone else noone who wants you should treat you bad
...............................
A
female
reader, poison_0250 +, writes (29 April 2009):
 what's the main problem?I think you're boyfriend is cruel on you.and you don't deserved to be treated like that, coz you love him and he doesn't treat you the way you are to him.It really hurts when people stop treating you good, but then there will come a time that we will say to ourselves that we need to back off a little, give him space and probably that's the best way you can give him!Accepting is much better than expecting.Don't just lose patience, just stay calm and still be good to him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lina319 +, writes (29 April 2009):
 I can totally relate to this. I was involved with a man for about a year who would one minute tell me he loved me, cared for me, loved everything and anything about me, to then turn around and rub all my insecurities in my face, verbally abuse me by calling me names, picking at my flaws, telling me he was thru with me, to then only a few hours later apologizing, calling himself names for his behavior and then telling me how his anger got the best of him, and that most of what was said meant nothing.
Relationships of this sort are never healthy, especially for the person that gets hit with rude remarks. Your confidence gets shot, and the constant push and pull, the roller coaster ride of emotions leaves you absolutely confused. We all like to give someone the benefit of the doubt, especially if its someone we have grown intimate with, and when we do that, we wind up getting screwed over. The mind plays tricks on you because your left wondering wether you should stay in the relationship or move one. The worst part of these kinds of relationships is that they begin to inhibit your personality. You start to watch what you say because if something comes out wrong, his fury is waiting. Going against his temper is fighting to the death, in the end you lose.
Dont rely on the good moments. Thats what kept me with my ex, dealing with his constant "bi-polar" bullshit. When we were on good terms we were the perfect couple, when we were bad, its like we were from two different planets. A relationship is supposed to be good most of the time, not occasionally.
If you want him to change because you love him then its time for a long talk, see his reaction, and if he agrees to change for the sake of your love then he will do it, gradually, and in time you guys can be happy. But if he reacts like a mad man, and accuses you of wanting him to change, or he just doesnt give you the respect you deserve then its up to you to think long and hard about wether this man, this relationship is good for your sanity. Best of luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (29 April 2009):
 i think that you do not have to be treated this way, get out. its scarey, but its going to be ok. you dont need to worry about guys right away. relationships like this can get abusive. he might not but theres always that possibility.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): What you describe sounds unhealthy for you if you are in a soul destroying relationship it's time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship because you fear dating and being alone is not a reason to stay.
It sounds like you already feel alone. I recommend you get some professional counseling to help you get back your self esteem.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): What you describe sounds unhealthy for you if you are in a soul destroying relationship it's time to get out. Staying in a bad relationship because you fear dating and being alone is not a reason to stay.
It sounds like you already feel alone. I recommend you get some professional counseling to help you get back your self esteem.
...............................
A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (29 April 2009):
you dont deserve to be treated like that. i would get out. its scaret and hard to get back out there. but this isnt healthy. you should ask yourself if you see yourself happier in the future with or without him
...............................
|
