A
female
age
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*Chickybabe
writes:2 posts combined into 1:I've been married to a wonderful man for 9 yrs but in September he decided that I didn't treat him well and asked for a divorce. There was no other woman. Since he is working out of state and we saw each other only 2 weekends a month,even though I was devastated over the breakup, I started working around my state contracting in the medical field. On my 1st assignment, I was out with a new friend from work, having dinner/drinks and discussing our marriages. I met a man that night, not looking, but was conveniently sitting next to us at the bar. Even though I never thought of cheating on my husband, I gradually developed a relationship with him over the lat few months. He just told me that he loves spending time with me and our relationship but wants to cool it until I decide about my husband, who incidently, has decided that he wants to try again and is in town for a few wks and we've been seeing a counselor. How do I decide what to do? I miss my new man, and am really sad that he wants to take a break and let me figure out what I want. I love my husband but the spark is gone and the spark and relationship is so new and great with my new man. What should I do? How can I convince my boyfriend, whom I care for deeply, to stay in my life while I decide whether or not to divorce my husband? It sounds unfair but I care for him but need to know that my marriage is really over. He doesn't want any more of a relationship than what we have right now (due to a recent breakup), but thinks that morally we need to take a breather and let me figure out what I want. I want him in my life-I want to get to know him as I'm trying to decide whether to stay married or not. Is there a way to make him understand?
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reader, 2Chickybabe +, writes (8 February 2010):
2Chickybabe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo big change yet. Not able to see my husband to know for sure if we can save our marriage. I car for him deeply but do I love him or just the security that her provides? I'm financially able take care of myself. The other wonderful man in my life is patient and still is around to see me when I come to town. We talk most nights and text during the day. I'm still very confused. I don't want to be alone, but also don't to hurt either man. Any suggestions?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 December 2009):
Your new man is right to cool it. The fact is, if you loved him enough, you would have just left your husband and not even considered counselling, and he knew that so he backed away. You love your husband, and though the spark has gone, it can be brought back. Focus on your marriage instead. Because if you don't, and you go out with this other guy, what happens when the spark disappears with him? You'll be without anyone. You love your husband, and he screwed up and is trying to fix it. Give your marriage another go if it can be fixed, and leave your new friend to find someone who is sure.
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