A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedlady2935
writes:Please help very confused. I married a man that I got along very well with 2 years ago. He married me with a child ( boy) who was 6 when we first started dating. As the few years went by I noticed the relationship between my son and husband started to deteriorate I left my husband for another man that could mentor my son on a positive caring way, things are going very well (been with new guy for 6 months) now I'm pregnant 15 weeks and the husband wants me back, I still love him and miss your kindred love that that sacrificed for my son. The new guy wants to provide stability and secure a future for us both. Thew new guy is very patient with my son and is doing all the things that I wanted my husband to do with him like teaching him to surf, play soccer and all of the things a little boy needs from a father. ( husband did none of these thing and made my son fell like the third wheel. But I am not that compatible with this new guy and miss my husband. He will take me back with this mans unborn child to retry.I don't know what to do, please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Confusedlady2935 +, writes (11 October 2010):
Confusedlady2935 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guy for your advise. It is s bloody mess and I will have to let the husband go. I do need my space and will need to give thus new guy a go. But first I need to find myself. Xx
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (10 October 2010):
 here is a novel idea, why not be with neither of them while you decide which one you want.
Find somewhere to live, sign on for Centrelink's parenting payment and give your son and yourself some breathing space.
Consider how disrupting going from one father to another will be for him, and guess what, after six or twelve months of being on your own you might find you dont NEED a man to be complete ... you might find that as a woman you are perfectly capable of playing soccer with your son, you might find fishing is NOT a gender based activity, you might actually find you prefer living on your own to a man who cant be the father you want for your child or a man who you dont love.
Leaving your husband for a man who could mentor your son might sound very noble and self sacrificing in your mind but to me it reeks of a woman who has no consideration for the damage it may cause.
There is no need in this country for women to be stuck in bad relationships, not only do we have the safety net of Centrelink but there are numerous organisations who are willing to help those who will help themselves.
In other words the only person who can fix this mess, and it IS A BLOODY MESS! is you, but there are people who can help you do it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 You have no choice but to divorce your husband if you haven't already. This new guy doesn't mind that you still loves your husband and is showing you and your son lots of love, he has total rights to be a full time father to your son. If your relationship didn't work out in the future let the reason be incompatability, rather than you still miss your ex husband. You would know the truth whether you are compatible after you let go of your husband forever. You can't be pessimistic until you try it out with this new guy. Sons of uncaring step fathers become resentful, angry adults. Your husband needs to learn his lesson. Either he only chooses childless women or he needs to let go of the selfish thinking that he could care less of a child who isn't his own. If a woman is fed up about his selfishness and leaves, it's too late to change history. It's more complicated if you go back to your husband. When the baby grows up and learns to talk, he's going to ask you where is his real father, and why can't he live with him? Are you prepared to answer this question? Can incompatability really drive you apart?
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela +, writes (10 October 2010):
 Do you want your son to grow up and watch you unhappy? Do you want to put your heart break and sadness on your sons' conscience? Kids are very perceptive. If you are unhappy, and continue to live with a man you do not love your son will end up resenting you for secretly wishing you had made a different choice and using him as your reasoning.
It's obviously a tough situation, and now one that has become very confusing for all involved.
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