A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:how to forget and move on in my life after the deviation of being used for five years by a 'good woman' and then dumped.
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female
reader, TEM +, writes (2 March 2011):
 You sound hurt. That is the normal reaction to a breakup. After five years you have a lot of emotion invested in a relationship. You will have to grieve that loss, which is a bit like grieving a death, before moving on.
I wish I could tell you that there is a magic formula for getting over something like this, but there is not. This is a pretty big loss, akin to a divorce. While no two people are exactly alike, experts say it takes 1-5 years to completely get over the major losses in our lives, such as death of an immediate family member, divorce, etc.
Most people react pretty much the same way to loss, and they do seem to follow similar patterns. The only thing that changes is the amount of time they spend in each stage. The more severe the loss, the longer one stays in each stage. You might want to look up the stages of grief to see if you recognize yourself in there. The stages are: Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - Acceptance.
In the meantime there are things you can do to ease the pain. Try to change anything that triggers memories of her. If she was living with you, that would be a lot to change, but it might be worth it, and it will help you to focus on other things. Change the music you listen to, the places you went together, rearrange the furniture in your place, replace the sheets on your bed, etc. This all can help. Try to get some exercise. That helps too.
Also, as many people suggest, a good way to get over someone is to date someone else. There are lots of online dating sites that make it easier to find someone you are compatible with. You are a single man. That is a rare commodity in the dating world. When you are ready, you might want to venture there.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Sometimes, when we lose someone, we realise later that the person has done us a favor. It seems this may be the case?And while the world is awash with fit happy good-living nice newly single (divorced or widowed) lovely ladies over sixty all with good life styles, happy outlooks and comfortable financially, you should become the life of the party when you start stepping out again.Do not let your ex taint your view of all the othe lovely ladies who could show interest in you.One way to help put your ex out of your mind is to get involved in some good community activities where you can mix with others who actually do good actions. Rather than say they are 'good' people. It would seem that your ex was a woman who led you to believe she was a good woman.i guess whatever image your ex tried to project, you know otherwise. Five years is a fairly substantial relationship for friends. At what point did you sense she was using you?Perhaps originally she wanted a more permanent relationship? Then not seeing it materialise she became disenchanted and finally when she felt she had done enough, she then dumped you?
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