A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I'd like some advice, mainly from guys, but any girls in my situation too.My boyfriend is 28 and under a lot of stress at the moment. He doesn't have a very high sex drive and, because of this, and alcohol from time to time, he sometimes doesn't perform during sex.This really gets me down, as my ex loved having sex all the time and never had any problems. My boyfriend has had a lot of sexual partners and I always compare myself to them, he performed with them: why can't he with me?!In particular, before we got together, he slept with a girl I hate and everything went fine for them. Even worse, he was off his face drunk! How can he say he didn't enjoy that but he does with me when he can't come when we have sex when he's drunk!!!I asked him about it and he said it's like a 'fantasy' when you have a one-night-stand and you don't know when you're gonna get it again so you have to perform. This made me even more upset - how is it a fantasy with someone like that slag and not with the woman he loves?!I know I may sound crazy but this is really getting me down. I don't want to have sex with him anymore, I just feel like I don't satisfy him. Should I just stick with it and enjoy it when it's good or move on and find someone who makes me feel better? Come on guys, is he telling the truth? Thanks
View related questions:
drunk, move on, my ex, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (25 April 2006):
 Well maybe the fact that he has feelings for you has added extra pressure and this maybe contributing. From what you are saying here it does sound like he has a drink problem which changes things a little in my eyes but without knowing the specifics of 'these circumstances' it is hard to judge effectively.
I think fantasy was a particularly poor choice of words but he could of meant that its easier to perform during one-niters because there is no pressure arising from emotional attachment - its sex and little else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to what Dazzerg says about me contradicting myself: I know these reasons may be to blame for his bad performance but my problem arises when I know he was in these same circumstances with other girls and everything was fine. I think he's only ever had sober sex with a couple of girls but has slept with 100's!! How can justify performing with them and not me?
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (24 April 2006):
His low sex drive and lack of performance are most likely due to the stress and alcohol - something you admit yourself. You then go on to say you feel its because you can't satisfy him which is a direct contradiction of what you say early on about the stress and the alcohol.
It seems to me that your own insecurities are also at issue here, specifically about his past. From what you are saying here it seems he is making some effort to reassure you (the bit about him saying he is enjoying sex with you) and I think he deserves some credit for that. It is possible he is enjoying sex more with you because he cares for you where as the other times it was just sex.
You do deserve to be treated right and made to feel good but ultimately he does deserve some support through stressful times too. It is really ultimately up to you if you are willing to put that work in, if you are not then maybe you should think about ending it but if you are I would suggest that the first thing you need to tackle, rather than the sex directly is the stress.
Plan a relaxing and romantic night doing something you both enjoy and see where that leads, hopefully you will find his sexual performance enhanced but dont put too much pressure on it. Go with the flow and see what happens. Hope that helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): This sounds kinda odd. Sometimes guys change because the woman changes. i'm not suggesting you have! But sometimes is a woman changes her appearance or sexual appetite for more adventurous things the guy gets bored.
I any event, if he has a drinking problem, you deserve someone better
...............................
|
