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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a healthy size 12 female aged 21. I lost my verginity when I was 16. I have only ever had 2 sexual partners and with both I have never enjoyed sex or had an orgasm. I have been with my current partner for 4 years, now he says it isn't a problem but he is always trying to turn me on but it never works and I can never be bothered as I don't feel anything from it and I know it fustrates him. I now want to sort myself out and enjoy sex with him. Does anyone have any ideas as to what I could try?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006): Thanks Yos! I know you have a valid point there, I will try to pleasure myself before expecting anyone else to do it for me. I will give it a try thank you.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (24 April 2006):
 My previous girlfriend was like this when we first started our relationship. It turned out that she had never orgasmed, either from sex or masturbation. She also never masturbated, she had only tried it a couple of times, and had got nothing from it.
Based on lots of research we came to the conclusion that the first step was for her to teach herself how to masturbate, and how to bring herself to orgasm. She got a vibrator, plus we bought a few books (the Story of O, and My Secret Garden were the best 2). She would read these and then masturbate with the vibrator. After a while she got more and more accustomed to it, and was able to bring herself off. She did this without me, although we talked a lot about her experiences, and i gave her as much support as I could.
Then I got involved, and she would show me how she liked to touch herself etc when she masturbated. She got comfortable masturbating and orgasming with me around. From this, after a while, I was also able to give her orgasms, by using the vibrator as well as touching her and giving oral sex. We never put emphasis on orgasm through straight intercourse, since that is hard for many women.
All in all this took about 6 months for us, but it turned out to be an enjoyable journey for us both, and taught us a lot. The most important thing was for us to not approach it as 'a big problem' but more as a situation where we could learn about her sexuality and where we could become closer. Basically taking the pressure off her was the essential ingredient, when she was relaxed everything started coming together (no pun intended).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2006): First off I will suggest talking to your doctor about this and ask him/her if they could run some tests to see if something is wrong. But since you said you have only had 2 partners before it could be that you just haven't experimented enough. This is kind of hard to answer because every woman is different when it comes to being pleasured. Some woman can only orgasm with oral, some have to he on top...etc. Also it is very hard to enjoy sex if you have your mind set, thinking you are not going to enjoy it... I know it will be very hard for you to not be negative at this point but sometimes the only thing that prevents you from enjoying something is yourself. If that is the case then maybe you should seek counseling. I myself once had trouble enjoying sex, and I got to the point were I expected not to feel good because I never orgasm. I was worried and asked for advice and got all sorts of answers (non which ended up helping me out). One of the main answers that I heard was to relax my body and that being too tense can prevent orgasms... but I found out one day that I am just the opposite.. Relaxing does absolutely nothing for me, but if I tense my body up when in missionary style where the only part of my body that touches the bed is my bottom that is when I finally had an orgasm. Once you experiment enough and find a way to be pleased, then you find other ways to be pleased as well. You just have to find out “How to Work” your body. Maybe if you got some sex toys and experimented with them, then you could find out where your hot spot is! Vibrators are supposedly really good at helping you be extra sensitive to have an “O” more easily, so maybe you should get one of thoseGood luck!
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