A
female
age
41-50,
*arrah
writes:Hi guys, I'm new here.I have a question. A few months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. We had a relationship for almost 10 years. A few years ago we bought a house.After he broke up with me I left (He asked me to leave). I'm staying at my best friend's appartment. She is always there for me but i'm sleeping on the couch and I can't stay there for ever. My ex wants to stay in the house. I agree with him because I want him to be happy. He only wants to talk about the subject if it's about the house, not if it's about our relationship. He's says that he has moved on. He doesn't love me anymore. I still love him and I can't understand that he doesn't want to give it another try. When I go our house to pick up the mail, I often have the feeling that he's seeing someone else: an extra cussion in our bed, two plates in the kitchen,.. A few days ago he sended me a sms. But it was not meant for me. It said: hi sweetie, Sarrah is not coming tonight. What are you doing tonight? XXXXXI was really hurt! How can he do this to me? He knows that I still love him. How can he sleep with her in our bed? How can he invite her in our home? What can you recommend me to do?
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best friend, broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sarrah +, writes (20 March 2008):
Sarrah is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for answerring my question! I really appreciate it!
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Hi,It's all been said......solicitor now!!!!!! Just go into any solicitors, tell them your problem and ask for quote of fees. Remember, it won't cost you any money to just walk in and ask how to start. H.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Sarrah,
My heart goes out to you because you seem like you really love him and want him to be happy. However, it seems obvious that he is over the relationship and is already moving on. As hard as this will be for you, contact a lawyer. I worked real estate in GA for 3 years and still have an active license and know all about these things. If you want to ensure that you will get what you deserve (your half of the house) you must make the call. If your name is on the deed, he owes you your share and that is it, no question. But, if your name is only on the loan and not the deed there could be issues. Either way call a lawyer and start gathering as much documentation in regards to the house that you can find. It is not about the money but you gotta take care of yourself.
All in all, you did let him stay there so he can do whatever he wants as well as you can but don't let him take what he wants that is rightfully yours. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Go straight to a solicitor and get your share sorted out now! Dont delay. If you got the place together then you shouldnt of moved out, but you have so now you need to sort out your share and dont be fobbed off. It is clearly over so move on. He doesnt love you or he wouldnt be going with other people which he clearly is doing. Put him right out of your head and now put your energy into getting somewhere to live sorted for yourself, or tell him to get out of your house and he finds somewhere to live. Go to the solicitors.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 You have patronized your ex.
You should not have agreed to move out.
It is time you need to accept that your situation is beyond hope.
There is no more going back.
The only thing left is to deal with the house.
Discuss with him about selling the house or he buys you out of your share.
Is that house registered under your name or both?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Oh I no you agreed to him staying in the house as you wanted to make him happy, Well that was before you new what was going on hunny plus you did probably think after 10yrs it would all blow over and you would be back together soon....So thats why I say go back there is moving on and moving on!!!!hunny untill this place is sorted to benifit you both then you need to stand your ground hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): Hi Hunny
I recommend you move back in to your home as you jointly own it, And if he wants the relationship to be over then he has to move out hunny, What does he want his cake and eat it with jam on top!!!!!!! You have everyright to live in your home do not let that house go hunny....I left my first husband as he was not very nice to me and the children and I left my home and he got most of the money as I was so tired and worn out at having being bullied and my eldest son being bullied...But you dont need to move out because he told you to if this house is in your name to...And he is fine now isnt he if he has his girlfriend coming over....Move back in and work out a plan for now untill you sort out what you are going to do about the house, You can have your friend over for support hunny and you can say you dont wish to argue but its your house to and stay put!!!!!!!! He may try and make your life miserable but be strong and think strong and dont give in, you dont need to react you can scream shout and go mad when he isnt around just not infront of him, You be cool as a cucumber infront of him hunny, Im sending you a link on self esteem as this has knocked yours and you need to get strong to face this.....
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
Get your friend to give you a hand and get back in there do not let him get that house ok darling TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 I would suggest that you move on. This is going to do nothing but hurt you. I feel you still love him but he doesn't. It's a hard situation, but you need to move on.
As far as the house situation, I do not know anything about the law where you live. If the house is also in your name, you have a few choices, Option a) Chaulk it up as a life lesson. Option b) Demand to live in said house as well considering it is your house too or force him to pay you for your half if he doesn't want you there. Option c) Talk to a lawyer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2008): I understand, you've got every reason to be upset, but although officially it may be your house too, you did basically give it to him (''My ex wants to stay in the house. I agree with him because I want him to be happy'').. It does seem a bit unfair, even mean, but you've got to remember that you gave him the house, you can't set rules for his own home. It must be hard what you're feeling right now, but he's a grown guy and if he wants a relationship, then he should be allowed one. Would you rather he had to hide it, and sneaked out on nights and had a quick one at her house? He's an adult and, really, why SHOULDN'T he? I know its hard honey, I know.. But you've got to remember you arent together any more. I recommend you just leave it, maybe ask him casually if he's got a new girl on the go, but try not to act bothered. If you act bothered, he'll catch on you still like him and maybe use it to his advantage.
I hope everything works out for you, try not to be too upset. But as I say, he's a grown man, and you gave him the house.. So why can't he? Good luck.
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