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female
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anonymous
writes: i would just like to thank the people who took the time to answer my worries on my husband left me for a girl 15 years younger . and to say yes i do have kids but they dont know about this because im hoping to get back with him. i love and miss him so much and yes we did all the fighting and shouting. i did not let him off lightly he was going to go either way.i cant stop him but i just found out were this girl lives should i go see her and ask her does she know what she is doing would she like it to happen to her mum and dad thay are the same age as me and my husband .and ask her would she like to see her mums heart broken over her dad going with another girl half his age and what would that make her feel like . should i do this or would that be pushing him away even more. i just really want him back please help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): Please don't automatically hate the other woman. She may not know he's married. If she does, then she is just as wrong as he is. Believe me, married men can inflict just as much pain on their mistresses. I would know, I've been the other woman. Please don't hate on me. I did not know that he was married at first. He was 35 years older than me when we met, I thought he was nice, but not much else happened for a while. Over time we would see each other from time to time, and we started to talk. We grew close over a long period of time, and I started to have feelings for him. I never saw a wedding ring, and I never saw him with his wife. He didn't mention her for a long time, either. By the time I found out he was married, I was already in love with him. We talked about a future together! We talked about wether or not to have a kid! What kind of relationship we were looking for! For a long time, we agreed on a lot of things, and I thought I had found the man of my dreams, even though he was so much older than me. Then we started to disagree and argue, at first only occasionally, then it became every time we were together. He changed and became a different person. I actually thought he was cheating on me, I never imagined he was married. So, I guess because I was no longer the "perfect" woman, he casually mentioned his wife one day. i was shocked and asked him " what do you mean your wife?" He told me then that he was married, had been for 21 years, and was not separated. I was in so much shock I kept asking him if he was really married. His wife didn't know about his cheating, either. After he told me, he actually brought his wife around me, just once. He even introduced us! I just shook her hand in shock. I decided to end it immediately. I was very hurt, and I kept second guessing my decision to end it - that's how messed up this man made me. I would never be with a taken man, my dad cheated on my mom over and over again, and I saw how much it hurt my mom, and the long difficult divorce my parents went through. I even told this man about my parents, and he had the nerve to sympathize with me. It has been almost a year since this ended, and I am still not o.k. Even worse, this man has been horrible to me ever since- we work in the same area, and sometimes we see each other in passing. I try to avoid him, but sometimes I can't. I try to be civil towards him, since I have no choice, but he says mean nasty things to me. He even threatened to do something to me if I told his wife. I have no intention of doing that, I have no problem with his wife, and telling her would only do harm. I told him that, and that if he came near me again, then I would file a restraining order. He hasn't bothered me since- I think he got smart and realized his wife would find out if I filed a restraining order against him. Also, about a month after I ended the affair, he hooked up with a woman who is in her early 20's! She knows he's married, and doesn't care. She actually brags about this to her friends, that's how I know about her. At first I was angry, but as time goes by i realize that this man is an idiot. I still have bad days, and I haven't been able to start a relationship with anyone else yet. I am going to therapy, and I am working on my self esteem. Ladies just remember what goes around comes back around. If he left you for another woman, eventually he'll get what he deserves- either he'll get caught cheating again or she'll cheat on him. Also, remember Ivana Trump in the First Wives Club: " Don't get mad, get even" Take everything, even if you signed a pre-nup. Demand Alimony, even if you have enough income, and don't think you want it. Demand it, and put the money into a trust for your kids. You ( and I ) deserve so so so so so much better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): Yes you should approach her and let her know this, it truly hurt when these young girls use their shaply bodies and suductive clothes. These men just see sex, and leave their wives who has worked hard for them, and these men take good care of their young pricesses. I have gained alot of weight,and have to please myself due to these young girls stealing men my age. These men are so selfish with their young girlfriend, how can they leave their kids and reproduce more with their playmates.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): Think you should move on now, maybe you have jst seen the date of this post. My husband also left me after 21 years of marriage for a woman 10 years younger. He said he wanted the thrill of the ability to have sex with a younger woman. He openly told me they had sex three times a night and that she had a tighter Vagina than mine. I was so upset that I wanted to hurt him. So i got myself together with his friend and the relationship turned Physical and you know what I too had sex three times a night. Just think my husband and I were definately not meant to be together. My orgasms are grear and I now know how to keep my man happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): I contacted my husbands mistress online. They had been communicating even after I found out about the affair. He told me he had called it off loved me only! Never wanted her. she was just a distraction, an escape. i was his reality. Well, I sent a message to her quoting how little he cared for her with an attached note directly to him. She was extremely upset since she believed he loved her! He's sorry he's been called to the mat. Put up or shut up! Well he's not sleeping by her side each night! She had the nerve to say how wrong she felt (Ugh). She knew he was married and didn't care. How could she feel taken advantage of? She should have know it may not last.
make sure you have enough facts about the relationship.make sure you know what it is you want from the contact.and don't be surprised if she really doesn't care.
She does have a moral responsibility just like each of us do. Families are sacred and should be treated as such. marriages are as well. We can't live in a world where we say we have no responsibility to someones suffering just because we can't see their face. We don't need to know what the victim of rape looks like,or an abused or neglected child looks like in order to protect them. innocent spouses don't need a face in order to be considered.
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reader, 3boyzmom  +, writes (9 May 2009):
Well, let's consider.
What would this accomplish? Not a thing. You would look like an irate idiot, he and she would look like saints. Leave them to their own devices and move on. As the old saying goes... If you love something let it go. If it truly belongs to you, it will return. Nothing you do or say will make a difference. Only he can make up his mind.
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reader, 3boyzmom +, writes (9 May 2009):
Well, let's consider. What would this accomplish? Not a thing. You would look like an irate idiot, he and she would look like saints. Leave them to their own devices and move on. As the old saying goes... If you love something let it go. If it truly belongs to you, it will return. Nothing you do or say will make a difference. Only he can make up his mind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): I am currently in the same boat. Husband suddenly over past couple of months went from I love you but im not in love with you anymore, to setting on the edge of our bed and asking me to remarry him, since he knew no one would ever love him like i do. One week after that, he moved out,bought a home, one week after that he is with a 22 yo girl. He is 48, Im 47. Our oldest is 25 and youngest 16.l I had to ask him, what does she mean to you. Answer: I just wanna find myself and have a little fun, I haven't had fun in a long time. I have love for her, but I am not in love with her. I found our cell phone bill, and he has texted her into the hundreds of dollars, when he would yell at me for on 15 cent text message. Geez, That 5 inch brain is not thinking well. Second of all, she is everything he did not like. Didnt like blondes, well she is. Didnt like big women, well she is. Didnt like uneducated/dumb women, well ditto. I am scratching my head. I have been hurt beyond all repair. They have been having serious sex, but yet I could throw myself at him, and he did not want me. Tells me now that sex with her just doesn't fulfill him like he thought it would. Invited me across the street, yes, across the street to his new house for dinner last Sunday. We talked and talked. He bought wine, we danced, he kissed me, told me he missed me, and still had love for me, Walked me home, and 5 minutes later texted her to come over, and she spent two days and nights with him. They also work together in the same bldg at GE in Louisville Ky Bldg 4. I think if I had to look at someone around the clock, that would wear out soon,. He seems to be gone on her. I am returning to school to get my ARNP. To hell with both them. I can do better....Good luck to you all. I know the pain, but time and distance does heal all things..Nita
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): It happened to me. The other woman is almost 30 yrs younger than my ex husband & almost 4 yrs younger than our eldest daughter. It was unbelievable & devastating. A life changing experience. I can honestly say...I would not have him back for all the money in the world. She can have him now...warts & all. These type of men do not deserve second chances, ever, & to the women who steal other womens' men...there is no need to wish them any harm, as they will get it back. One way or the other. Today, 5 yrs later, I am the happy one, & they are miserable.
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reader, Janedoe +, writes (30 May 2008):
I can not believe how many women now days are being left for younger women. After years of raising children and giving your all . It is one of the most painful experiences any woman can every have. It happend to me twice. It affected me so much that I went into a deep depression, gained 20 lbs cried for two years. He's left her and now is with a girl 23 when hes almost 50.It does not good to approach these girls, being with older men even married is a somewhat popular thing to do now days for girls in there 20s. Some day when they get left for girl in her 20s it will finally hit home. In the mean time , you have to do what you have to do to get through the pain, find new friends, work out, start hiking, join a club, what ever it takes, dating and finding a man I found does not good. you have to take care of you and let it go and move on. It will work its self out but he will just go to another young girl. Its about his insecurity of growing old has nothing to do with you, you are in my prayers
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I know EXACTLY how you feel, i am in the same position only my husband came to my house and tryed getting intimate with me.I thought that if i approached this girl she would not put up with it but instead it blew up in my face, instead he lied making me the liar and he wouldnt speak to me for months. I believe if u try to approach her you will only be pushing him further away
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): I feel your pain my husband did the same thing he left me for a young girl who now has a child supposely by him. We have 5 and one of them is just 1 year younger then his girlfriend. But he tell me that he don't have a girlfriend it is just all about his children. I have confronted the girl and she is very childish and dont under stand that she has broken up my family. But I know what goes around comes around and I know they both will get their's
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I truly feel for you. But keep in mind the younger woman is likely an pathetic, insecure, selfish, stupid girl. What's the point in talking to her? She is probably as caught up in his lies as you were. He has her believing one side of a story - his. No doubt she thinks He is a great man that came from a bad marriage and deserves a second chance in life to be happy and who better than her to "save" him? Since she isn't smart enough to see the other side of the coin, let her have it. No doubt she'll enventually need it to call another married man who cares (see December 12 response).
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): i was in the same boat, then i took him back and now i'm back in the same boat. don't confront the other woman. if she didn't know about you she's going to be defensive and might say hurtful things. if she did know about you she's a skank and doesn't deserve to even be spoken to. you take pride in yourself and don't let your husbands actions make you think that you are anything less than an amazing woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I know what your going through as it happened to me in September we never argued I was clueless to what was going on he was my sole mate she is 13 years younger than me.He has changed his appearence to to suit her,she is every thing he had hated in a women.So where did I go wrong , he said I have done nothing wrong.So I'm left in a limbo state.I'd have him back tomorrow but I know deep down this will never happen .
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): My ex did this as well, he left me for a woman 21 years his junior and she can have him. I have three children, who do not speak with him primarily because not only was she sleeping with my then husband, but she also tried to be with our oldest son. My ex is now married to her (for the second time - they have divorced once because she cheated on him).
My point is, you are much better off (even though it doesn't feel like it right now). The women they are with have no clue as to what types of problems and baggage that these type of men carry with them. They don't change their stripes - even though the stupid young women think they came from bad marriages (they will say anything to make you feel like a loser and rationalize why they ended up with your husband) Just don't believe it - they have to devalue you in order to make themselves feel like they are justified. Hold your head up high. The little sluts deserve all the crap that they are going to get and the ex - well, you can't make them the kind of man you want - loyal, honest, trustworthy. No matter how hard you try. These type of men that go for those type of girls won't change and are fatally flawed. You are better off without him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): No, I don't think that you should confront the woman who your husband is with. However you feel about the woman who your husband is with, the fact remains that she had no obligation to you - your husband did.
Confronting the woman your husband is with now is only going to create more of an emotional bond between the two of them (him and her vs. you).
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I am a case of a younger woman. My now husband left and divorced his wife of 18 years to be with me. He is a great man that came from a bad marriage and deserved a second chance in life to be happy. His ex-wife has been harassing him, me and even my former husband with all sorts of actions ever since he first dated me. You don't need to be that pathetic. The result of a confrontation and stupid phone calls will most likely end in a restraining order against you or a harassment injunction. It is what it is move on with it. As for what I thought when I first started having an affair with him. I did not care about that anonymous woman at all and had she confronted me, I would have told her ask yourself or your husband why. It is not my problem that your marriage failed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): I know that you would feel like you need to confront this cheating woman. It's your husband's fault for not trying. this about it this way, two friends of mine felt like they just needed to confront the woman. neither knew anything about the woman except that she was willing to have sex with the husband. in each of their cases, each of them confronted a person they didn't know. the woman made up stories that made things worse, one of my friends even got threatened and her family. It does no good. Work with your husband, if you want the relationship back. It is possible that many things in the relationship was dismissed for whatever reasons, and that's what you should work on. Good luck, all of you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): i agree with the others. dont think that you should confront the other girl. i think you need to show him that you can be a successful woman without him, that he cannot hurt you. he should understand that he's the one missing out for leaving you and one day he will realise it. when that day come i want you to hold your head high and be proud of you.
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reader, pica +, writes (23 November 2006):
I agree with the other aunts, why target the girl? She didn't leave you, she doesn't know you. To her you are just some anyonymous woman. This is obviously a horrible situation for you but your husband is the person who has let you down. Don't let yourself down as well - rise above it all. And if you do get him back, can you trust him not to do the same again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): As a woman, I totally understand why you need to see her and talk to her. I had a good friend whose husband had an affair. She was a strong, calm, rational woman. She met the mistress. It made her realize she had nothing to fear and it helped her to get a handle on just what she was dealing with. It gave her this odd sense of empowerment she felt, enabled her to make clearer, more sensible life choices regarding her marriage demise. However..I have to agree with Ariel and caution you not to do this. Confronting a mistress doesn't work that way for all women. You sound upset and distraught and rightfully so. Your marriage is in ruins and you are devastated. In your case, a meeting with his mistress can turn very, very ugly. So...don't risk it unless you know for a fact...you can keep yourself under control. My suggestion: For now, leave her alone and rise above it and remain dignified. Its your husband who has left and betrayed you and your kids. All your anger and pain should be directed at him, where it belongs. Forget this other woman, what goes around comes around and she'll likely find herself in the same situation in a few years time. As for your marriage, I'd get a jump on this situation and start consulting with lawyers and know exactly what your rights are and what you are entitiled to, should this marriage get to the divorce courts. Now is the time to think of yourself and let's not forget the care of the children. Put the children first and priorize them. Keeping them out of this as much as you can is the best way to go...I commend you for that. So be strong, try your best to ignore the mistress and look after yourself. My heart is with you...take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): Perhaps you should leave it a while for you to calm down otherwise you might say something to her that you really regret.
If you feel you can manage your anger OK then perhaps you can set your mind at ease by talking to her for a while. Don't lose your temper; be patient and remember that she may not even have known that he had a husband.
If there are things you want to ask her then ask her outright but do it gently otherwise you'll both go away feeling you've gained nothing from the conversation.
Give this girl a chance to explain herself, she may feel really guilty for what she's done and might want to apologise. If she does, then for God's sake don't tell her that you can't forgive her even if you can't. Just nod politely and accept what she says.
Do what you think is right and if you think that talking to this girl might set your mind at ease then go for it. If you don't think it will then what's the point? And remember; if you think you'll get mad at her then give it time and wait for your anger to ease before you rush in there. Good luck XxXxX
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