A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I just had a break up, my boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We still have feelings for each other,but we have been fighting a lot. I have now figured out that the fighting has mostly but not always been because of me. I am insecure and not very confident. The fights were a result of my clingyness, constant questions to seek reassurance and generally other little things that I said and did that I now realise were torture to him, but in my head I thought his answers and hugs etc would make me feel good about myself. He tried to put up with this, but he hates talking about emotions etc, and he mostly lost patience and we argued.I am going to talk to a counsellor to improve my feelings about myself. I realise what I did to chase him away, but I still love him. Can it still work? even though he has broken it off and needs space? What can I possibly do from here?UPDATE- we have spoken again on the phone, he was friendly and we chatted for a while, I asked him how he was feeling and he said he missed me but was still confused. He said he is afraid to try again because he couldnt go thru this breaking up again if it didnt work out. It sounds to me like he misses me and wants me back, but his stupid male ego and stubborness wont let him. WHat will I do????, I dont want to beg him to be with me,but i wish I could say or do something to show him that I think it can work!!![moderator note: please post an update on the original question in the future, thank you]
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 July 2008):
 All you can do is continue doing what you're doing. Working on yourself will show the difference by your changes. It's a process, not a quick fix. It's not his ego, it's feeling as if their is a possability of entering a situation which was not good in the past. That produces a fear. You're going to have to prove by your actions that what may be scary is not that way any more. You took the first step in admitting the issues you have. That's a good start. Keep it up, and if it's meant to be it will be.
A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Id say, explain to him that your getting help for your own issues, there for you hopefully wont be doing the same stuff as before that caused the arguements between the two of you, tell him exactly how you feel about him and you do want to try it again and see what he says? But the main thing, give him some space whilst your seeing your counsellor, at least until you feel that your positive that things will be better with the two of you this time round, good luck :D x
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