A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online a more than a year ago and we have been together for a year now in a LDR due to COVID restrictions. We have been texting for most of the relationship and have sent voice messages to each other occasionally, but not voice call. At the start of the relationship he use to push me into calling him while he was drunk (because his shyness was gone) and I felt very uncomfortable. He has stopped and waiting for me to be ready to call. I am now but he doesn't seem to make arrangements for it to happen. I always tell him Im available to call throughout the day because I am not working, and I know he gets busy sometimes throughout the day too but I know he can take 5 minutes to talk at least.He mentioned yesterday that he still doesnt really know who I am as a person even though we had been talking for more than a year now. He had never bothered to ask questions about me to begin with, and he had assumed I would say something naturally. But when I did say something he would relate it back to himself and I would show interest in his story, but never got back to mine which made me feel he wasnt interested in me. I feel like he is very emotionally disconnected because he doesn't empathise with my view, and talks about logic or solutions to fix my problem (which doesnt help and have told him).Sometimes I cannot ask for the little things, like helping me in a video game (he is good at games), he will for 1 hour until he knows Im not paying attention and doesnt do it anymore. Ive asked him to play other games with me for an activity but he doesn't bother, whereas I actually try the games he wants me to play with him.He does take some time out of his busy schedule for me and rearranges it so he can talk to me when I am finished work of a night time. He does say alot of things to me that make me think he could be right for me. He hasnt been in a relationship for 8 years now which he might be unsure how to be in a relationship.He has told me multiple times that we should "just enjoy the process of the relationship" and "focus on our own goals until the world has settled down with covid". But apart of me feels like I am wasting my time because he doesnt put in as much effort as me, which makes me believe I could just be someone to pass the time. But there are times where I know he has been there for me when I am really upset and angry, he would drop his schedule to make sure Im okay.Im not sure if its his lack of experience in relationships that makes him behave this way or its something else. He has mentioned future plans with me, saying what he imagines our future will be like but then he goes and says he doesnt know me well enough to have expectations of me, and if he does he would adjust them. Im just so confused... we occasionally have discussions about this as Im trying to get an answer out of him, but he says he is determined to be with me regardless.Something just doesnt feel right for me...
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2021): You don't say if sex is involved. A lot of guys want online sex without paying so pretend it's a relationship to keep that going.
What I don'get is why you are naive enough to put so much into this so called relationship and be "faithful" to someone based on so little. A sensible person would keep this going but put going out with other local guys and seeing friends etc first. No need to choose between one or the other, you can have both. He has no right to expect you to sit around or go without other stuff and you don't have to tell him what you are doing. Sometimes guys say let's get engaged or plan a future together to keep you there dangling and at their beck and call etc. But only you decide if you are daft enough to go along with it. You could easily see other people and date other guys without him knowing.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (4 October 2021):
 I would say go with your gut, or womans intuition. You say sometihng just does not feel right, and your probably right.
You have been chatting for over a year now, and you have never spoken.
I think he is dangling a carrot giving you false promises of a future, a future i think he has no intentions of having with you.
I think that you should put this down to experience, wish him well, then block him and move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (3 October 2021):
 Given your age in your profile and the fact you say this guy has not been in a relationship for 8 years, I am assuming he is quite a bit older than you. You would expect, therefore, that he is more mature than you and more experienced in life but this does not sound to be the case. He sounds rather stunted emotionally and socially.
If he doesn't ask you questions about yourself or your life to try to get to know you, and relates everything you voluntarily share back to himself, then he is not experienced at communicating with people. I have a work colleague who sounds just like him. Whatever anyone says, he has to tell them he has done it better, or a friend of his has. There is NOTHING he does not relate to himself. It can be very tiring. Like this guy, he also loves being a "hero" and coming to people's rescue. It might seem like a good thing but I suspect, underneath, it is still all about HIM.
You cannot realistically make long term plans with someone you haven't even met, let alone shared time with. My advice would be to wish him well and end contact with him. What you two have at the moment is not a relationship but an excuse not to be in one with anyone else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 October 2021):
 I think you have lost interest and I don't blame you.
LDR's DO have a time limit. If HE doesn't feel he really knows you after a year, I think he is being honest. But how interested has he BEEN to get to know you? From what you write, not very.
I'd say, wish him well and cut all contact, block and move one.
If you are looking to date, FIND someone local you can spend time with IN person.
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