A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for two years, living with him for one. 95% of the time it is perfect and he is a great guy but I go through phases where I feel maybe he's not 'the one'. I feel like he takes me for granted, rarely wants to make love - often turns me down, doesn't make me feel attractive but I do think that he loves me. Two days after a selfish act on his part I kissed another guy, now I can't stop thinking about that guy but how do I know if it was just the attention he showed me or if I actually like him and how do I figure all this out while living with my boyfriend? Thanks, Reply to this Question
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female
reader, KC12  +, writes (10 November 2013):
 First of all, take the guy you kissed out of the equation. Don't complicate matters worse. Deal with the one guy, then if it don't work out THEN move on to the other guy...and deal with whether or not you have feelings for him.
Secondly, I think the porn issue is central to your problem. Talk to your BF about it...ask him to take a break (or at least cut back) from the porn, and devote that time and attention to you. If he can't do that much for you then perhaps he's a porn addict...
And, if he is addicted to porn, then you're probably better off without him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2013): You are unsure for a good reason. Latest studies show that porn does have a negative effect on men and their sex lives. Read all about it when you do a internet search on the subject. Relationships are complex on a good day. I have a great relationship with my girlfriend of three years but yes there are times when she gets mad at me for not giving her feed back on her hair,clothing and make up. I do not take her for granted but yes i admit i am human and do go a couple of days without talking her up and re assuring her. But i normally get back on the mark. But i do screw up and i do not normally win a fight with my sweetheart. I do not like fighting because she gets upset and cries a lot. But I do redeem myself have a relationship that is at least two hundred percent better than yours. I love her and pay and give her everything she wants but more. I will not lie to you it is hard but at the end of the day it all works out and we are both happy. Read my lips both happy.. Relationships are about giving and taking . Can you say the same in your relationship? What are you prepared to do to initiate change to make your relationship better instead of bitching and complaining and pointing the finger of blame? Move forward..
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): Well, it seems you are dissatisfied with your relationship and if he's watching porn it sure will seem confusing to you. You need to evaluate what you feel for this guy and whether he has what it takes. I can relate to the feeling of my partner of three years being cold and refusing to make love to me many times, I still love him and chose to go buy a dildo to satisfy my natural edge as I don't wish to circular date to avoid complications. Girl, don't lose yourself as a beautiful sexy woman over this man, too bad if he can't see and feel a full human bodied woman in his life, do what you have to do to make yourself feel great, it is your right, who would want to be a porn star? having a job and a g/f is no excuse to avoid wanting to enjoy being intimate with someone. You deserve to treat yourself to some fun, only you can create your own happiness.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (6 November 2013):
He isn't the one I dumped my ex boyfriend for not making me feel attractive within the first month of dating!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat I meant by 95% of the time is that we can live comfortably together, no arguments - but yes obviously what I am feeling underneath is not counted in that. Funny that you mention porn because I know he does watch it, not in my presence, but I never considered that. I know your last two sentences are the truth, but it's hard to give up a basically good guy who really has not done anything wrong...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 November 2013):
 I think you got the math wrong here. How does taking you for granted, rarely wants to make love, turns you down, doesn't make you attractive get him a score of 95%? I understand that real life and a stressful job can put a damper on your sexual lives but at least be considerate that there are two people, not just one living in the household?
I am sure you can imagine posts from guys who also have full time jobs and kids and complaining their wives not putting out. So if your guy can't get it up, it's testosterone level, incompatible sex drives, and not a stressful life. Or it could be something else. There are guys who are like the "Old Faithful" Hot Spring. Very predictable and functional as a loyal husband. While others have to depend on the novelty and excitement of different kinds of girls to get an erection. I am guessing porn is part of the blame because it does have the ability to desensitize a person's reaction to sexual stimulus. He's not the one if he is young and you are already feeling so alone. How are you going to get through your 30's, 40's and beyond?
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