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male
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anonymous
writes: Have been married 11 years and have a son who is 9.I have recently been having feelings that I no longer love my wife or even find her attractive anymore. I have told my wife that I am unsure whether I love her or not and she pursuaded me to work on it with her. In this 6 weeks that have passed nothing has changed, except I now fancy a work colleague. I have texted her but she says that nothing can happen and that she doesn't see me in that way. What do I do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): Hi You have done the right thing to tell her. I have been married 11 years and he cheated instead of letting me go first. I have been devastated and I wish he had told me he didn't love me anymore before he slept with a teen girl. Tell, Leave but dont CHEAT. Cheating hurts too badly
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (24 October 2006):
 If your work collegue does not see you as boyfriend material then what is the need in questioning what to do? If you no longer love your wife, I cant say or do anything to make you love her again, but as for the work colleague, you simply have to forget about her and move on. Perhaps its just lust you feel for this woman at work and it would be a shame to throw away an 11 year marriage. Think hard. Take care. xXx
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female
reader, shania +, writes (24 October 2006):
 Oh dear,what a mess...I cant really add much to your problem because you have been given good advice from the other agony aunts and uncles here but maybe you should try marriage councelling like Relate,there is a waiting list but it will be worth the wait if it means sorting out your marriage.Remember,its not unusual to stop fancying your partner,it happens,especially if you are depressed or under a lot of stress,you question whether you love your wife or not but could you really imagine life without her? Think about it? If you are feeling sad then your feelings for your wife will have altered because depressed people dont feel anything,just numbness.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2006): no one has a perfect marriage relationship, just stick to what you got, be there for your children not just to address your own needs
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female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (24 October 2006):
 I think you should try a holiday with your wife and see how things go maybe youre stressed only or tired by routine, try to make it work and if it doesn't then you should do as Toria says yes
good luck
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A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (24 October 2006):
 If you no longer love your wife or want to be with her then you shouldn't be involved with her whether this other female returns your feelings or not, when you fall out of love with someone and realise that there no longer is a relationship there you need to respect them enough to set them free as to allow them to move on in their life and possibly meet someone that can return the feelings they have to give.
I can understand you respected her to try and make it work but there comes a point when you realise it isn't going to work and the feelings just really aren't there no more and once that happens however hard it is you have to come to realise that it's time to let go and walk away from the relationship.
Good luck :o)
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2006): I was in exactly the same situation. I had feelings for around a year that I just didn't see my wife in that way anymore. She looks like a supermodel and her personality is amazing. She was perfect, everything I ever wanted, but the feelings just went.
I eventually did the right thing and finished with my wife and allowed her to move on and find somebody more deserving. We have remained good friends and she is now happy in a new relationship. It was agonising for me to see her with this new man, it still is, but she is happy again so that is all that matters to me. I hated myself because I never loved her and it tore me apart all the times she cried in my arms. I met somebody else and tried to be happy, but that spark was never there like it was with my wife. I am still in my relationship, but the feelings for my wife are becoming stronger and the feelings for my girlfriend are fading fast. I want my wife back, but I have broke her heart once, so I am not going to try to get her back as she is already happy.
I look at her now, just wondering what might have been.
I love her very much, don't throw away any future you might have. You don't know what you have got til it's gone. I never realised just how true a phrase that is, until it was all too late.
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