A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am in unrequited love with someone. I know he does not love me because he has told me. If you have ever been in unrequited love, then you know how it feels. How it is not just as simple as getting over them. I know not seeing him is a way to move on, but I can't do that. I got to school with him. I just need a way to make my feelings bearable, or failing that, a way to make him fall in love with me. It has gotten to the point where I am eating less, I am sleeping less, I stumble over my words, especially when he is talking to me. I've even forgotten my name before. A year ago, when we were walking home together, we were having a heart to heart and the next thing I know I'm kissing him. It was an awkward kiss, where I just smashed my lips against his. He was shocked and I felt him stumble back a bit and try to pull away a little but he stopped and kissed me back. I know the kiss was accepted and he did not intend to pull away because his hands came to my cheeks, and i his. I ran away after that. I relive the kiss every day. Being in love with him feels like someone has pulled out my lungs through my chest. And yet he makes me so happy. He has broken my heart but I have been in unrequited love with him for four years. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): I'm sure I'm not. People have no interest in me. Noones ever told me they like me. I don't know what has got me into such a state. What really confused me is that he says he has no interest in me but he didn't pull away when I kissed him. In fact, he kissed me back. He has told me that I was his first kiss, and I believe him. He was mine. I thought first kisses were important to everyone? Or just me? Why would he let me do that, and return the kiss with absolutely no feelings whatsoever. The reason I don't think that anyone fancies me is that all the boys in my year are so vain. They either want to go out with the pretty or popular girls or have no interest with you at all. They don't understand when they say they fancy someone because unless they have been keeping it under their hats, they have no idea what I feel. Their crushes and relationships last about a month. I'm grateful for your answers though. I need to get over this, I know. I haven't been miserable the whole four years, because at the begining of the time, I had hope, but then he stopped speaking to me. And I think two years is long enough to be miserable. I just don't understand why I have favoured him for so long.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 November 2012):
 well a mantra is something you say... a touchstone might work
or you could put a rubber band around your wrist and every time you think of him snap the rubber band.... that's called behavior modification...
you could do a daily affirmation about him too... like when you get up you say "I will not crush on X today" and say that every morning and every time you look in the mirror.
between that affirmation and the rubber band maybe you can break what's become a bad habit.
are you using this crush to avoid other boys that might like you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2012): Thanks for the answer. It's just I feel like there is no one else worth crushing on. I have loved him for four years and he's my first and only crush. I have never ever had any feelings for anyone else. He's perfect in my eyes. What keeps my hanging on is that my friends are convinced he likes me. He makes inklings that he does, but refuses to admit it. I have asked him out before and he's said no. I think this must all be in my head. I don't know how to talk to my mum about these things. I don't know how to bring it up. I would get embarrassed. I worry she thinks I'm just being silly. It doesn't help that I can't talk about my feelings very well. I can listen to people and hand out advice. In fact, most of my friends come to me because I'm such a good listener. But I don't seem to be able to take my own advice. Would some kind of mantra work? Say, if I put it in my coat pocket?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 November 2012):
you get some therapy at this point... it's been long enough that you should be moving on...
is there a counselor at school you can talk to?
have you asked MOM if she ever hurt like this? I remember liking a boy at your age and he never liked me back and it sucked. It hurts! And you feel like you will never get over it... but you will... and it's been 4 years that's enough time to get a new crush and move on... if you are not, then you are holding on to this crush for a reason and you should see a professional for help. Maybe ask your parents to let you get some counseling.
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