A
female
age
30-35,
*azelBites
writes:I have been in love with my teacher for the past 2 years. Please don't sigh and raise your eyebrows and think "Oh not another pupil-teacher crush, she'll get over it it" and then move on because I desperately need some advice.It did only start out as a pathetic crush but as I got to know him it did become love - we share a sesne of humour and I felt I could trust him not only as a teacher but as a peer. However I am not naive enough to think he reciprocates these feelings. He likes me as a pupil and we often have a good banter/borderline flirt but that's as far as it will ever go, I know for a fact he's in a long term relationship.It does not help that I willingly chose his subject for Advanced Levels (I am really interested in the subject and at the time wanted to pursue a career in it - having him as the teacher was just an added bonus). I cannot drop the subject and am going to have to pursue it for the next 2 years.It think is the fact that it's unrequited love that has spiralled me down into a depression. I've turned to self-harm and am beginning to push everyone away. I can't give him up though - I am fully aware the love is not two-way yet I cannot get "what if scenarios" out of my head. I don't want to give him up yet I know I should. As Oscar Wilde said - I can resist everything except temptation.But I need to get out this depression - it's affecting my grades and my life as a whole. I need to give him up but I really don't know how to do so can anyone help at all?Thank you for your time for reading this :) xxx
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crush, flirt, move on, my teacher Reply to this Question
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female
reader, HazelBites +, writes (13 April 2010):
HazelBites is verified as being by the original poster of the question Sorry for the incredibly late upadate but he wouldn't like me as I'm a 17 year old girl about 15 years his junior and he's in a relationship.
In case anyone is ever trawling through the archives, just to say that the situation is slightly better and largely thanks to the great response I had on here :) So thanks :D xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Are you sure he doesn't feel the same way about you?
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A
female
reader, ScienceGirl123  +, writes (27 December 2009):
Hi There! I'm glad you are seeking for advices :)
I am also having a big crush on my teacher. He is charming and humorous. I hated him at first because he ALWAYS picks on me and teases me, but apparently that was his way of showing that he "notices" and "likes" me as a student. Even worse than your situation, my teacher is married and he loves his wife and children with all his heart. So I don't want to ruin it.
I gradually realized that he likes me as a kid, nothing more. I remind him of his daughter, and he thinks of me as a "cute, smart little girl"
I think we all go through these phases, but eventually you will get over it! You can express your respect for your teacher, but don't EVER confess. I made my teacher a holiday greeting card and I told him what an awesome teacher he is in a teasing manner. He found it sweet. That made me smile. I think our current relationship is already the healthiest, best student-teacher relationship. And I don't want to cross the line of being a student.
So no reason to be depressed! If he likes you as a pupil, you should be happy and satisfied with that! Because deep down inside you KNOW that he won't cross the line of being a teacher. So don't expect more! :) Good luck!
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A
female
reader, HazelBites +, writes (21 December 2009):
HazelBites is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the feedback. Sometimes rational suggestions from others can be just the right tonic.
I posted on this site as a last resort. I have felt so alone and isolated over the past few months and it really does sometimes help to just know other people are in the same boat.
As a person I do actually know him quite well as we do have a lot of conversations in a peer-to-peer manner but I wouldn't go as far to say as knowing all his hopes and dreams! I don't want a marriage and 2.4 kids with him, just happiness - whatever that may be!
All your answers have helped put everything into perspective and I'm finally facing up to it all. I just have to decide which path to pursue now! :P
Thank you xxx
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A
female
reader, Lost annd Never found +, writes (20 December 2009):
 i think this is cute me and my husband are 12 years apart but our love prevails over all. In some cases i feel that he might want some one closer to his age and when that happens i take a certain pill called Niacinamide u can get it at most health food stores make sure u spell it right so the clerk can help u I have been taking it for 3 years but only take it when u r feeling depressed. it says dietary supplement but it is part of the vitamin-B family. IF u want u can look it up its about $7.00 a bottle.
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A
female
reader, lovemeanonyme +, writes (20 December 2009):
Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I'm in a similar boat and it's good to hear (yet awful) that someone feels the same way. My teacher isn't in a relationship (as a matter of fact, he lives with his mother) but I know nothing can ever happen and it destroys me too. Class is just painful. I myself do not know what to do. But we just need to keep our heads high and think positive. As much as we love these men, we know we can not have them. It's awful, illegal, and unfair. One day we will both except it, but right now it will just take us one day at a time. It will be a lot easier for us once we do not see these men anymore, even though the thought of it just doesn't click :/. PLEASE refrain from hurting yourself. I know you love this guy, but you shouldn't hurt yourself for anyone. I'm sure you are an amazing person and shouldn't be putting yourself down! Just remember to not let anyone tell you your feelings are stupid, childish, or unreal. You will get through this.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2009): sometimes, a friendship should be goodenough,
you dont have to give him up you just have to get the fact that maybe he will never have the same feelings for you,butyou just have to keep your head up. and let him make you happy,with a friendship. it may not be goodenough for you, but you just have to let it make you happy. that you have some sort of a relationship at all, Im trying to give you the best advice I can, hope it helps,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2009): After reading this I decided that the best way to approach this situation is by omitting the fact he is your teacher and temporarily think of him as just a crush who is in commited relationship. If you do pursue him, you know ho the story goes;things become awkward and the humor and friendship you share will melt(not the definate outcome but quite likely). If you then re-introduce the fact that he is in fact your teacher, the student-teacher relationship will also suffer which will not only show on your grades but increase your depression.
Sorry for the paragraph but I needed it for this: To escape your depression, you need to stop seeing it as "giving him up" but instead as KEEPING him in your life whilst simultaneously KEEPING your grades up and KEEPING friendship up.
Hope that helped...if i didt sorry
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (19 December 2009):
 Why don't you simply acquire a boyfriend? That will give you someone else to occupy your attention.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (19 December 2009):
 You might like this guy and feel in love but you really dont know him, what do you want from him a relationship to get married etc. He may seem nice and wonderful rite now but he could be a completely different person if you got to know him on another level. We cant help who we love alot of people come into our life throughout the course of it only a few cause our heart to flutter and our knees to weaken but sometimes we have to realise some things are not meant to be. You may really be in love with this guy maybe its just a crush i dont kno but in ten years you wont even remember him in ten years you will be wondering what you where thinking.
I would suggest getting out of that class maybe theres a school counselor you can speak with. Or you could be bold and confess to your teacher your love for him and live happily ever after.
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