A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hello to everyone who reads my post, hopefully it wont be to long and confussing and maybe i could get some advice.I am at University doing Fashion Design and have almost completed my first year. When people say University is the time of your life...well thats completely not true for me. I have become really stressed and very much contemplating quitting Uni. I used to be very depressed when I was younger and didnt really have much support. I went to doctors to help me but they assumed nothing was wrong, though every day I felt miserable and always locked myself in my room and rarely went out.I was really self conscious and blamed myself for a lot of things. Things started to change when i met my boyfriend of almost 4 years now. I started Uni having a great time with new friends and thought I was going to have a huge change in my life. I live right in the city centre and thought that was wonderful being able to go to town 2 mins away and socialise with people in cafes etc....but Uni has made me so unsociable I barely see my friends, I have no time to go out and im in my room days on end staring at my computer and doing work. I barely eat anything becuase that seems to waste time. I browse facebook looking at all other students at my Uni in other accomodations having lots and lots of friends an lots of time and money to hang out with them. Im not well of with money or time, and trying to get a job this summer is looking even bleaker, as I have a new house to pay for in the summer. My teachers told us that it might be difficult to get a job after Uni. I went to Uni for the reason of having a degree on my back to get a secure job. My teachers dont grade us, but just tell us if our work is good or not. Its not enough, I want to be graded to know what I need to do to get better. There are barely any jobs I can go for that is related to Fashion apart from Manager jobs, which I obviously cant do. Also my boyfriend works from 5 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon 5 days a week and sometimes adds on Satadays. He will come round my flat for about an hour a day before he has to walk home and do things before an early night. I understand he needs the money but we rarely ever have proper time for each other, we dont do anything apart from sit in my room or walk around town. Our sex life has dwindled to almost nothing. I am taking the pill so maybe thats whats causing my loss of libido? I feel like im going back to what I used to be like...im jealous other people seem to be having such an easier time than me. Though they may not be but there just better at coping with it than I am. Trying to make friends is very difficult, im nice and polite but people have always in my life not wanted to be my friend, guys saying im intimidating and girls just dont like me. Im lonely and think Univeristy is not helping me in the slightest, and Im not the only one who thinks it. A lot of my friends in my class feel the same way and contemplating quitting. I feel a bit of a failure. Can anyone help me or advice me on what I can do?Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): There is no doubt that college is hard. It is true that you might see people enjoying college life, but the question to ask is why they enjoy it. All of my friends said it was "the time of their lives." Me, on the other hand, I hated it. However, there is a very good reason for the different outlooks we had. Nearly all of the people I know that 'loved' college simply loved it for the social aspect (i.e., the parties, etc.). While they were out partying, I was studying so I could get that better test score. I graduated at the top of my class, they did not. Thus, although I hated my college experience, I studied very hard and graduated with high honors; it was worth it.Then it came to decide what we were going to do after college. Several of my friends, as well as myself, had aspirations of going to law school, so we applied. Who got in? I did, but they did not. Although they have recently found somewhat decent jobs, I now continue to study on a daily basis as I am in law school.After being nearly done with my first year of law school I can say that I truly miss my undergraduate experience, even if I spent that time mostly studying. Law school is equally depressing and I have no social life, but that is the price people will pay when they go to school and want to do well. Although it may be difficult to find a job, you will be far more qualified than someone who does not have a degree, so think of this as a very wise investment.If you truly feel as if you are not getting the quality education that you deserve, I would highly consider transferring to another university. Just because you are not happy with your present experience does not mean you need to 'drop out,' you should just transfer to another school and put what you have learned to use. If you stick with it and are able to find a job that you love, I promise that you will have a far more enjoyable life as a consequence. It might be tough finding a job now, but that is partly because of the poor economy. When you are completely done with your education the economy will likely be much better and I am sure you will find something that meets your needs. Take care and good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): If there is a counseling service on campus, it might be helpful to make an appointment just to talk with someone and get your feelings out. It's easy to feel overwhelmed. Even though your friends on facebook seem to be having a good time, I'm sure they feel stressed as well. Some of them might drop out of school, other will stay. Focus on yourself and try not to worry about them. For your boyfriend, try to talk to him and see if you can arrange more time for each other. While things may seem busy and crazy, once you have your degree, it will be well worth it. Hang in there!
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A
female
reader, terrifenby +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Talk to your teachers and let them know your concerns with your work. They are there to help you after all. Find out the things you need to improve on if there is any!
Talk to your bloke and ask him to take a saturday off. Yes we all need the money but whats the point in spending all your time working if you cant enjoy the money your earning. Go out for the day and even get in some treats and spend the day infront of the tele.
Life is not easy and you have really fight for the things you want.
Dont hide away because then nothing is going to change. If you want some thing then you have to get out there and make it happen!
Good luck and i hope i have helped.
:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): Freshman year is the WORST year of college. No doubt, the worst. Im currently on my bachelors and moving toward a masters. Its tough! You will find your flow and it will be fine. Join some community groups. I transferred to university from a community college, and the uni offered a group for students just like me. There are tons of social groups and ya know what, they are FULL of people just like you! People who are new to this and don't know anyone. Believe me, everyone relates! At orientation I bagan talking to some girls and I just came out and said that I was scared I wouldnt meet anyone. Guess what: they said the exact same thing back! Everyone feels that way, so reach out!
Don't let your professors get you down. My mom dropped out of college because an advisor said something nasty to her. To this day she regrets it more than anything else! They say that because they want to you to understand that you have to put more than just effort into this; you have to have passion for what you are learning too. Understand that professors have to be politically correct. They cannot walk up to that dumb girl in the back and tell her she will fail, then come to you and promise you a job. Those are general statements, not personal. I recently learned that a bachelors degree in my frield won't get me far, so now Im heading for a masters. Just be wiling to work!
As far as the relationship goes, if you want it you can do it! I have 2 ids and a boyfriend. We are strained badly, but we also want it badly. You two will figure out a schedule that works! Check the b/c. I had to stop taking hormonal b/c cuz it was actually making me depressed! Stop for a couple months and see how you feel. All in all, have faith in yourself and you will be fine!
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