A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts and Uncles, I am so upset by the behaviour of my husband. He criticises me constantly. He says I am stupid, have 'big saggy boobs' and that I am a crap mother. I am a nurse and he mocks my work saying I do nothing important (he is a police constable and says he was never ambitious to become a sergeant or anything).Anyway recently he keeps saying he wants to leave. He even said to me 'have you not seen me looking at other women when we are out?'. This really really hurt me. We have been together for 30 years since I was only 20 and he was 24. I was his first proper girlfriend and we have one grown up child who is at college. He has a bad temper but in other ways has been a good husband as he pays all the mortgage and bills and does work in the house and garden etc. He has always said I am 'stupid' and made jokes in front of our son like 'mummy's got sh*t for brains' and then he laughs but this always really upset me. I recently became friends with another guy because I am so fed up and frustrated. Also my husband suffers from impotence which he blames on me saying he does not fancy me. I have kept my figure and I go to the gym and I died my hair blonde because he likes it but he still criticises me. The other day he told me I was starting to look haggard.I dont earn that much and I am scared to leave for financial reasons. Also I am used to him as we have been together for so long. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep (we have separate bedrooms as he is a very restless sleeper - he sleeps in the main bedroom and I moved into a small room at the back of the house). My friends say I should leave him but I feel like at the age of 50 it would be so hard. Is it better to have the devil you know and all that?? I would have a lot less money on my own and be more lonely maybe. I think we have just kept going somehow because of finances and our son and then partly because of some care for each other but he really acs like a pig and it upsets me and hurts me. Some of my friends say i have become harder over the years with him ...Any advice would be really appreciated. My new BF said I could move in with him but then my husband would have succeeded to drive me out (he started seeing a younger woman recently) and I could lose the house. He also said I was a 'slapper' and called me a 'bitch' etc ... It is not a good situation and I feel I need all my physical and mental energy to deal with it. I feel depressed and smoke a lot more these days.Thanks for any help you might be able to send my way.
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female
reader, Spoonage  +, writes (30 June 2009):
You and your husband have both given up on the relationship in my opinion. By getting a new boyfriend/girlfriend, you are both moving on.I understand that divorce is costly, but I think it'd be better for both of you.You have good reason to separate: he abuses you verbally and he has a girlfriend. I say get out of the marriage and go have fun for once.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): To be honest, he sounds like a bit of an idiot! Everything which he has said is totally out of order. I understand that you guys have been together for like 30 years, but that doesn't mean that you should have to put up with constant abuse! It seems to me like you have already made up your mind that you don't really want to be with him, and I don't really blame you. Don't stay with someone out of convenience, it sounds like he is making you very unhappy. You don't have to put up with it. Good luck :-) xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): I think that when people write questions on these boards, most of the time the most important thing for the writer is to get all their thoughts down in writing and organised, to give the writer a clearer idea of what they are really feeling. When you read through what you have written, do you think there is any alternative to leaving your husband? He sounds like an awful man, and your situation with him isn't going to get any better, but steadily worse as the years go on. You have a right to happiness, and if you are sure that your new boyfriend loves you and will treat you with respect, this should be a simple decision for you. Imagine these two scenarios: 1) you live with your boyfriend in a small house or even a flat, you have an older car, you take holidays less frequently, but you are pleased whenever you see your boyfriend, when you wake up in the morning and look at him, you can't help smiling2) you have a larger house, a newer car, better clothes, better holidays, but your heart sinks every time you hear the key in the lock as your husband returnsGood luck.
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