A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together for 2 plus yrs lived together for over a yr. The past 5 months, we've been arguing daily about pointless things. He gets so angry and defensive anytime I talk to him or ask him anything! I get frustrated and sad cause he's defensive and anger. He says he doesn't have to tell me s^ and * when I ask what he is doing on the phone, internet or who is texting him. I have had a hard time trusting him do to the fact that he is dishonest with me and was dating someone for one month after we were established as a couple. I am insecure but not extreme he can look but I have a problem with touching. Hugs and stuff are fine but toosh slaps, trying to stare at breasts or girls bums secretively is not. If you are going 2 look just look don't hide it. I found his personal page on an adult swingers site, he denied it . (Didn't believe him but forgave him) I love him and he loves me and says he does not want to lose me. We both want to get counseling but can't affod it at this time. I have trusted him and keep trusting him. . . each time, he breaks my trust by lying or being physically flirty towards women. (- letting them sit on his lap, spank him, grab his bum, wrap their legs around him) I tell him to stop and tht it bothers me. he says nothing is wrong with wht he is doing and tht it's stupid of me 2 think tht he's flirting. Unhappy in this relationship I feel like I need s/o that is more mature, respectful and ambitious about life. Most of the time I am sad and don't know why. He doesn't understand tht I feel if he does things tht aren't right whn I am around I don't knw wht he's doing whn we are not togthr. Should we stick out this relationship and get help or take a break to think things over and try the engagement later?I don't wanna give up on him or us but we both want us to be happy. I am not happy being with him and don't know what I want! we have changed so much as people!
View related questions:
a break, ambition, breasts, fiance, flirt, insecure, swinging, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, les +, writes (18 August 2008):
I dont mean to be harsh, but you sound a little bit like a pushover and someone who is not very secure in herself. You say that he was dating someone else after you guys were a couple - I think for most people this would be a deal breaker, but you continued to stay with him. While you might think you're being loving and supportive, the only thing that you have done is taught him that it is okay for him to cheat on you, to check out and flirt with other girls and to disrespect you. Yes, this upsets you and you probably tell him that, but he knows that he'll stand his ground and you'll back down. So yes, while he might love you, he knows you very well and has no reason to change his behavior no matter how much you huff and puff because for the past two years you've been saying this is okay. So why should he listen to you now?
Whether this relationship should be worked out, on a break or done with completely doesn't matter, b/c if its not this guy, someone else will prob be doing this to you. What you need to do is take a break for yourself, find courage in yourself to be alone, to stand up for what you believe, to make boundaries and be firm about them and also to become objective in situations so that you can separate your love and attachement for someone from what you need to do to make sure that he respects you.
Make a list of deal breakers that you absolutely do not want. When he or anybody else breaks these deal breakers, explain to them why you are upset and what behaviors caused them. If the guy apologizes, you give him another chance. If he doesn't, or repeats the offense, the deal if off. Thats why its called a deal breakers. When your respect yourself and expect the same respect from others, only then will they do it.
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (17 August 2008):
 I agree..why fix something that is already broken.
You are still incredibly young and have your whole life ahead of you.
It will be hard because you love him, but someimes you have to let things go and move on with your life.
It will only get worse down the road. Marraige will not fix anything. He wants his freedom, but is scared he can't find anyone better than you so he's holding on to you so he won't be alone. Make a nice clean break.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 August 2008):
It sounds like this relationship has come to an end. From the way he is acting his heart is clearly not in it any more, and you are dreaming of moving up to a better type of man.
I don't think a break would serve any purpose other than you would both have a chance to go off with other people, and if you are going to do that then why not end it?
I think you should end it now civilly and remember the good times rather than let it drag on and on until anything you had is officially dead.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
