A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 3 years, before that we dated for 4. I was raised in a good CHristian home and in a good church and I was always taught about the importance of abstinence and saving yourself for marriage. About 2 or 3 years into the relationship I caved and we had sex because Iwas insecure and desperate to keep him. I'd never been in a serious relationship before and I really wanted to get married someday and I was afraid he was my only chance. I really thought I was in love, he was sweet and loving the first few years and affectionate and then after the sex things slowly went downward. He developed a temper and when we moved away to go to school together he would get so mad sometimes he'd threaten to hit me. When we finally got engaged I suggested holding off on sex until we got married because I'd heard that sometimes makes the sex better for the wedding night, he refused.We got married and things didn't change for the better, as luck would have it I got my period the day of our wedding so the sex was awful on our wedding night.He actually blamed me for getting my period. Our honeymoon was pretty bad too.Less than two years into our marriage I found out I was pregnant, this was a big surprise, but I was kindof excited, he was not happy. He started accusing me of having an affair and for the longest time he would not do anything with the baby(a boy) because he was sure it wasn't his. I have never been with anyone but my husband and I have never wanted to since being with my husband. Since the day our baby was born I was the one getting up with him at night and every morning and my husband actually had the nerve to tell me to take the baby downstairs every morning and keep quiet so he could keep sleeping. He has become increasingly verbally abusive since we had our first child, then when we accidentally got pregnant again he didn't believe me,and again accused me of cheating. When my son was a year old I quit my job to stay home with him and go back to school, I was home everyday because I didn't have any friends who stayed home but somehow even though I never went out I managed to meet someone else and have another affair and get pregnant the second time. My husband is like a teenager, it's like I have 3 kids. He goes to work, comes home and then sits around expecting me to do everything for him while taking care of our two young children. When my son was almost 2 my husband punched me in the arm while I was holding our son who was terrified and crying, his justification for doing so was 'you hit me first'. I still take care of both kids if they get up at night, every morning I am responsible for getting up with them and he lays in bed til about 20 min before he has to be at work and every night I put both kids to bed while he watches tv. He only wants sex from me, the only time he gives me any affection is when he is horny and is trying to get some which makes me repulsed by his attempts at affection causing me to pull away from him. He never touches me unless he's feeling me up and I can't stand it. I am so miserable being at home all the time, the house is always a mess and he doesn't pick up after himself let alone help pick up after the kids. He sits around playing games on his cell phone, video games or watching tv. I'm so lonely because he never wants to talk to me and I don't know anybody else to talk to,my other 2 stay at home friends have lives and aren't always available. It actually pains me to do things with other couples or talk to married friends because they're so happy and I know I'll never have that kind of happiness that they do. I have suggested counseling but my husband thinks that it's my fault we're unahppy because I don't give him enough sex. The sex we have I don't feel good about, I feel slutty and dirty when we have it because sex is all he talks about and thinks about,he doesn't care if it's with me, he just wants sex so I hate having sex with him becuase there is no love. I don't feel I should have to give him sex if he is not going to give me any respect or love in return and continually be abusive and degrading verbally. The only thing keeping me from suicide is the thought of what would happen to the kids if I weren't here to take care of them. I often wonder if anyone would even notice I was gone because I have no life outside of our home and it's not unusual for peopel to have trouble gettin ahold of me. I'm not expected anywhere at any given point during the week except on Wed nights I have a 1 hr meeting which wouldn't mean much if I wasn't there.I don't know what to do, I am so unhappy that I would stay in bed all day and cry if I could. Is there any help out there?
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affair, at work, christian, engaged, horny, insecure, period, video games, wedding, wedding night Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know this is not normal and that this is not a good marriage,or really even a marriage but i have noplace else to go. My dad has made it clear I cannot go to him and my mom, he says i need to stay put with the kids and i have no money and no job to support me and the kids if i left my husband.i don't really have any friends to talk to, the one friend i have talked to said if it were her husband he'd wake up to find her standin over him with a knife ready to kill him for the things he says and does.she doesn't know how i put up with it and niether do i. i want more than anything to leave but the one time i did get my husband to stay somewhere else for a few days it was really,really hard on my son and it affected him for months.
A
male
reader, quarky  +, writes (28 October 2008):
 It's important that you speak to somenone you trust about how you are feeng right now-perhaps a church elder or best friend?
It seems to me that you are the victim of emotional, verbal and physical abuse from you husband and have been for a long time-to the extent that your self-respect has all but gone.
What you are experiencing isn't a marriage, which should be built on mutual respect and trust.
If he will not accept help and won't change, you should seriously consider, in fact I'd say you absolutely have to, get out of the relationship-leave him. If you don't, you'll only be hurting youself and your kids more-think of them first, then yourself. No-one should be treated as you're being treated-especially by someone who is supposed to love you.
I was in an abusive relationship too for many years until I realised it is simply was not normal and I shouldn't have been feeling the way I did. I left, I've not looked back since.
Have courage, and take the first step-talk to someone. And leave him-you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2008): I want you to know you are not alone in this world and there are many places you can go to or call for help ....
Your children your family your friends all need you ....
1-800-273-talk is a # you can call and you don't even have to give your name .....
Do not allow another person to make you feel bad about yourself ......
Please , call the number listed above I got it off the internet it is free to talk to someone there .....
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