A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I am 18 years old and I have liked my teacher since I was 12. I can say honestly and genuinely this is not a wind up or fantasy. I am going to share this in the hope that i might get some advice for myself and also warn others of the potential circumstances one faces when involving oneself with your teacher.I'll try and be brief.When I was 14 I moved into my teacher's group. He had a reputation; he was infamous for being a pervert and a bully. He was 48/49 years old. He liked me a lot for moving into his group as he was very unpopular. After a few months I started seeing him afterschool, I fancied him and naturally wanted to be around him. Nothing happened, except I became increasingly demanding. He snapped in the end and it hurt so I stopped seeing him and he didn't like that. He tried many things to get me to pay him attention again, and finally blackmailed me into it by refusing to mark work. To my dismay and heartbreak he married his fiancé of 7 years that Xmas. I tried to distance myself from him but he only wanted more closeness. He became very touchy-feely, trying to cuddle and touch me. He came to class on many occasions with cum stains on the front of his trousers, and openly flirted with me. I ignored it mostly. The following year into year 12, he became more inappropriate. I was vulnerable and tired with excessive workload, and he served as a shoulder. He stroked my breast and told me 'he'd have to break me in'. I walked in on him masturbating again that month. He became more and more touchy feely and very bossy jealous and possessive. Eventually I tired of it and mentioned my boyfriend. He was angry and upset. He started babbling asking if I was like I was with him with anyone else. I said he was no different. He hated me after, three months of him being very angry with me, and I felt so guilty. There were moments where I thought things were ok again and then he would snap suddenly naming me as stuck up and a user. He said he was just a minion to me, that he only thought he knew me. It upset me enough that in the end I went to see him about it to tell him he did know me, I did care. He was better afterwards and I felt a bit more content, but it wasn’t enough. I went to see him again some weeks after to tell him I had feelings for him. When I got there I lost all courage and started blithering and not finishing my sentences. I started with, 'the reason im quiet in class is because..' he finished it for me with a jokey, 'ur difficult?' I asked him what he meant and he explained that he was difficult too and that, 'people are often perceived to be something they’re not, a word used for him is unapproachable, bur he isn’t he is VERY approachable.' I disagreed with him and he was hurt and explained that he didn’t want to be unapproachable and that I could seem that way at times. He then finished with, 'people are often perceived to be something they’re not, me and you know.. well I think ur mature enough to understand that'. The weeks that followed this he began referring to a 'Kelly' and I, every lesson, this started rumours. He seemed to enjoy people thinking there was something between us. It got to an extent where staff were commenting. This was partly my fault as we spent a lot of time together. As time went on he became more and more inappropriate with me, he started feeling himself in front of me and putting his crotch in my face. He would rub knees with me when sat with me and stroke my leg. He started saying things like 'Do I get a thank you? Thankyou can go a long way you know...'. Then one day, I asked him for help and he refused. He asked me if I was asking for, 'Exxtra special treatment?' I said no. It made him very angry with me and a week later my coursework (cwk making up 75% of my AS) had been lowered from my deserving B to a C. And funnily he didn’t seem to think I’d notice or ask questions. He wouldn't see me about it and for months I demanded comments from him, explanation but he gave me none and mocked me with phrases like, 'I’ve told you this Kelly, I don’t remember'. Eventually he gave them back to me and they only proved what I already new. But I didn’t report him, I felt sorry for him almost, I couldn’t think what terrible thing I had done to him to drive him to such, but I must have done something. He told me he went to the pub next-door to my house, despite me never having told where I lived. He told me went there regularly, despite living 13 miles away from me. When I got my C back on my AS results slip, it made me angry and I had a go at him in September saying I deserved a B and he knew it. But I felt sad afterwards, empty almost like all that mattered to me was the three marks he’d removed that I could regain through re-submission. And then I thought maybe he was hurting. The following week I went to tell him I had feelings for him, and I nearly did but was stopped by him saying, 'I don’t know what you want me to say? Im very flattered, but nothing can ever happen between us, that’s all I can say.' I’d never felt so confused or hurt in my life. I asked him what this was and he said, in a mocking tone."I don’t know what u mean? I never meant to lead you on, I thought I treated you like any other student, im sorry if I lead you on, that was not my intention.'We went on to talk and he asked me what had happened to my boyfriend in a very smug way. He asked me had all my boyfriends been older, why I wanted to be with someone older and how I would feel about being with a teacher and people knowing. He said he was very very very very very very very very flattered. I felt stupid. He told me he wouldn’t tell anyone. I was off the following day.At 4 my mum got a call from my deputy head. Turned out my teacher had panicked and told him when I didn’t come in. On Monday I sat in my deputy's and lied for him. I told him it had been some misunderstanding that he hadn’t understood what I meant. And I was so angry afterwards that I went and had a huge go at my teacher who told me he’d had to say something. I ignored him mostly those following lessons and tricked him into giving me the copy of my work that he had marked from before when he lowered my grade. With it came proof that he had inappropriately lowered it and I reported him. Nothing was done. My teacher is a governor and head of department, so I guess that’s why. He hated me afterwards, always picking at me stupidly for petty childish things. Always saying I am stuck up because of social class, always judging me. He does odd things though such as listening to Damien rice on full blast whose lyrics seem too close to home. And wanking in his cupboard at the beginning of lessons when he knows I am present and the other member of my class (there are only two of us) is not here. He is acting funny again now after xmas, saying weird suggestive things about payment for services that seems to close to what happened before. Handing me lollipops and calling me the 'lollipop queen' it all seems too degrading and horrid to bear.I miss when we used to be close and get on and wish that nothing had happened, and we had just stayed in a sort of suspended friendship. He still does his pervy things, even now. And I still don’t really know why. It would be nice if someone could tell me where it all went wrong, and why he hates me so much. Why he is so cruel when he used to be so kind. How I can sort things without degrading myself through sex for grades or ruining mine and his life by reporting him. I am hoping that someone can tell me another method of solving this, what I can say to him? What I can do? Unfortunately, I love him, and that feeling isn't going to go away. I have seen the worst of him, the bad and good. And still I love him, and I don’t think it’s going to go away anytime soon.Can someone please tell me what to do here?Thankyou xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tevote  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 OK so I think most of the answers on here are right...Whats been happening is innappropriate. But I suppose we all experience these things throughout our life at some stage, and you need to go with your heart not your head-You learn lessons this way and grow as a person all together.
ANYWAY-It's obvious that you love this man, and we would have to be there to tell you exactly what to do, so I say just speak with him after class one day and just say-
" I miss the way our friendship was. And i'm sorry if I ruined any of it, I know that everything that happened was just frustrating and terrible-But I miss our friendship and I just want it to go back to what it was."
SOmething along those lines anyways, but don't forget to think this over and make the right decision, this may not be the right one.
Good luck :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): HI,
Wow. Is all I have to say. I doubt that you are the only one he has done this to. I would venture to say that he is a child abuser, manipulating you at his whim, and playing sex games with you. He has been doing this a long time to you, and yet you think this is love?
You sound intelligent. Call this for what it is--child abuse. You should get some therapy, at least you could sort some of this out with them. That way, you can release any blame that you feel when you realize what he has been actually doing to you.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): I am really at a loss to know what to say here. It is all so totally inappropriate. This man is ruining your life. I can see that you feel very attracted to him but this is not a noirmal healthy relationship and you must tell your mother or family friend what is going on so this man can never do this to you again or to another student. This is totally wrong. He is not suitable to hold a position of power or authority. Please accept this is not a normal relationship and tell someone what is really going on.
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