A
male
age
30-35,
*989MAK
writes:For seven months, I've been dating a woman who is 10 years older than me. This is the longest relationship I've been in, and I lost my virginity to this woman. She is my everything.She has problems with being unfaithful. She said that is one of her biggest worries about her dating life. She has cheated on me several times, but has always confessed to it right away. Alcohol has always been her excuse.Recently she bold-faced lied to me for the first time. She frenched an older man who she claims to have no feelings for right in front of my eyes. Then lied about it. When I asked about it, she kissed my cheek in an omnomnom kind of tickle and said it was more like that. She was wasted. When she was sober, I talked to her about it and told her that passionately kissing another man is unacceptable, and it feels just like cheating. She didn't remember lying about it, but when I told her what she did and what she said, she responded "Ok, I guess I did lie. It was an isolated incident. I would never date an old man like him."I have tried to explain to her what I consider wrong for her to do to another man. She says I'm putting too many obligations and strings on her. I guess she just wants to be able to completely lose control when she's at the bars.I had several emotional breakdowns at work the past couple days, (in private, where nobody could see or hear me). I don't want to lose her, but I cannot tolerate or bear this hurt, unfaithfulness, and lack of consideration any longer. I will do anything to make her happy, even leave her.When I come back to town this Friday, I'm going to stay in a hotel for at least a week. We had been living together this whole time, and she claims she needs space. I don't have my own car, so it's not like we're really able to get much time to ourselves without being trapped at home. I've been enabling her to go to the bars by babysitting her kid, or her friend's kid, and I'm content to stay at home while she goes out, but that apparently is not enough.FYI I have been completely faithful to her and I don't even talk to my female friends any more, because she seemed to be offended by that.She says that the only things she expects from me in this relationship is that I don't make plans with another woman and I don't have sex with another woman.I am going to make things very simple for her and put down the rules for both of us. * Don't engage in sex or foreplay or kissing with anyone else. * Don't make life plans or romantic plans with anyone else.If she can't follow those rules, the relationship isn't serious and we should just be friends or fuck buddies.We both know she has an alcohol problem, but she refuses to go to meetings or change her behavior. She says she has too many friends at the bars.Other than the problems stemming from alcohol and her breaches of trust, our relationship has been very happy and fun.Should I give her the ultimatum right away?Should I break up with her for a few days and tell her: "If you think you can follow those simple rules and remain faithful, meet me at my hotel, and we'll have a fresh start and do things right." ?Should I with her about what I expect and what I can live with, Discuss those rules with her, and give her a second chance without breaking up with her?What are your ideas?What should I do?
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at work, cheated on me, foreplay, her ex, kissing, lost my virginity, needs space, older man, sex with another, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, fuglyone +, writes (22 April 2009):
 Do you like all the back and forth she puts you through? If so, stay with her. If not, leave her and don't look back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): she goes to bars and she expects you to baby sit for her and her friend, and you are ok with this.
she is treating you like she would treat an immature kid. she doesn't respect your relationship, she perhps doesn't respect herself when she drinks.
is she an alcoholic?
you seem like a nice guy so why are you allowing her to mess with you all the time. she is no good to you. at your age you should be in bars having fun, talking and flirting with girls yet you are stuck babysitting.
do you see her as a mother figure in your life?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): break up with her. if she is offended that you see other women but she cheats on you, then that's a double standard and unfair. now if she didn't have a problem with you being unfaithful then maybe there wouldn't be any problems
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