A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am married and increasingly attracted to a woman i have never met in person. She is also married. Everything seemed to be going well. I even wanted to meet her and was willing to travel the distance to do so-we live in separate states. I just wanted to get to know her better by talking more on the phone. Ive been unhappy with my wife for the past year and we have children so i feel obligated to stay. Anyways i started to fall for this married woman i just never told her. We went from talking daily to now talking maybe once a week. I know it may seem wrong to most people. I just don.t know what to do. I want her and not sure if she is even interested anymore. Why was it hot and now cold? Can someone give me answers? This woman actually gave me a form of happiness i am lacking in my current situation!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Why not call her and tell her how you feel?Maybe she's gone cold because she's not sure how you feel about her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Well I suggest you try to talk to this bitty some more and meet her in person before you lose your entire relationship with the wifey. Not to sound cold, but what if this woman is ugly as shit when you actually meet and you gave up everything to be with her?! Anyways, if this one isn't responding to you that much, even after you try, just take that as a sign to stay with your current woman.My advice is different from everyone elses, but it's def what you need to do; not just be scolded for feelings you can't control.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): I have alot to think about. Thank you for the response.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Boy, I won't comment on this other married lady, but I have to state, without a doubt, you are one lost and needy man! Perhaps this is why this 'emotional' affair appeals to you, so much. Goodness, where is your self-restraint, here? You will jeopardize your marriage and family for someone you think you are 'falling for' on the phone, a person you have not even met yet? Talking on the phone is really a superficial manner of relating to another human being. To fall for someone, you need to connect in the real world. Body language, voice fluctuations, facial expressions, seeing, touching..you have no idea what is going on in her world, do you? I think your married lover is finally realizing the futility this whole emotional affair, all on her own...thus she's unsure and is running hot and cold, with you. Maybe she's thinking that emotional affairs happen because so many desperately needy people get 'suckered' into them. And she doesn't like herself for allowing this. Listen...the anonymity of talking to this voice on a phone, feeds the illusion, the intoxication, because the person on the other end of this emotional affair is 'not' really known, is she. But she can be as witty, funny, beautiful, intelligent as only the woman of your dreams can be. Sadly, the fantasy is fueled by the lack of 'real-world' information. She's was likely warm, sensitive, caring, and communicative, filling a desperate emotional gap in you. Is it all too good to be true? Of course it is!! These affairs are only make-believe, hun. And, usually when these would-be lovers meet, there is a major letdown. The sad thing is, your wife cannot possibly compete with this dream lover, of yours. Your wife likely has flaws, inconsistencies, quirks that you see everyday, in the real world. But that's just it, she is real..not a fantasy. That is why she doesn't appeal to you, isn't it? How sad. So I am concluding you are merely are falling in love with a voice on the other end of a phone. So try to understand what 'really' is happening here, hun. Emotional affairs are so different from real affairs, in that they do not involve a physical component, but the emotional attachment builds and sometimes, people become emotionally attached, far far far too fast.. So therefore, I must conclude you are likely a lonely guy and ripe pickins' for an affair which could blow up the lives of people who love you. Your own emotional needs are being met, here..that is all it is. You have some problems at home, that need to be dealt with. Work on what you have at home. And try to understand that usually, people who pursue affair often do so for their self-esteem needs and self-involved agendas. You have a children, a woman you have promised to remain faithful to....this is a time to be an honorable, strong, giving man..not just thinking of your needs. If this emotional affair continues, it will erode and violate the trust, in your marriage/family just to fill up an empty spot within you.. I suggest you end this affair and get yourself into relationship counseling, with your wife. Find out why the two of you have lost your way, here and fix it. You children deserves to have a happy, intact home with parents who deeply love each other. And find out why you are so gullible for an emotional affair with a woman you haven't even seen or met, yet. Fix your own emotional problems, first. Get talking to your wife and look at getting some serious marriage counseling. Good luck and I wish you and your family the best in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): hi, instead of focusing on this unattainable person, try working on your marriage, if you still want to.you have to respect the decision this woman has taken to cool things, maybe she realized that she did not want to betray her spouse any longer.you are in a unhappy relationship and need to work out what you really want out of life, and marriage. Just staying in the marriage when you are so young is an unhealthy situation. your young wife may be feeling the same as you, perhaps its time for some romantic nights off with the wife to put the spark in your marriage. do not look for an outlet of an affair to escape your problems. be the man that you know you can be and help out your marriage.
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