A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 28-year-old single, straight, male, who is now a stay at home dad to a 14 year old girl, my niece, who was left with me when my sister and brother-in-law died 2 months ago in a car accident. The first month was definitely awkward as I have never had a roommate, or live-in girlfriend, let alone a teenage female in my house. After the awkwardness faded we got into a routine that has since become our daily lives. She has even begun to accept me as a father, and allowed me to refer to her as my daughter.A few days ago, my daughter came out to me as a lesbian. I consider my self to be open and sex-positive enough to accept that. Yet, as her guardian, and stand-in father, I am confused as how to proceed dealing with her wanting to date, and have sex. I am completely lost as to what is and is not acceptable in these circumstances. Do I allow her to date openly, even in our small town? How am I supposed to act towards female suitors? Is it differently than I would toward male suitors? What kinds of questions should I refrain from asking? My daughter and I have a good relationship and I do not want to ruin it because of my lack of knowledge about her situation. Please give me some direction.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): NO HELL NO, my 14 years old child, came to me as she was bi, i explained to her that she got me off guard with that information, because a few month before she told me i asked her about her sexual orientation and she told me she was stray, now i am totally confused, i am taking her to conseling, because i believed my daugther has been brainwashed, by her lesbian friend. I also explained to her that she was too young to be deciding about her sexual orientation, that she need it to way until she gets a little bit older, so she can have a clear picture of herself, also i explained to her about STD'S. She wanted me to allow her to date her girlfriend (the lesbian one), and i totally opposed to this, because i dont want her to get confuse any longer. At her school i have seen alot of gay kids walking around holding hands, kissing each other like it's normal that's way i believed my daughter has been brainwashed by some of her friend it seems to be a life style. Me personally have nothing against the gay community at all, i think they should be treated as if they were straigh, because they are humans, however in my personal opinion i find a 14 years old child thats either gay, or bisexual very innapropiate to be dating someone of their own sex at such a young age. If they are in fact who they claim to be Oh well! they must be accepted for who they are but they need to way until after they turn 18 years old to make such decision. I always going to love my daughter regardless, but i think it's very import for her to understand what i expect, and want from her, she needs to understand what it's acceptable and what's is not for now she is under my care, and she needs to do what i ask her to do. bottom line.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your insightful feedback!
After reading your responses, and some reflection on them on my behalf, I decided to sit down and discuss my concerns with her and invited her to help set rules and boundaries. I am very glad we say down and did this as it helped me understand what she wanted, while allowing me to communicate what I felt was appropriate. I am extremely grateful for all those who provided answers to my question.
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A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 Kudos for taking on this girl and sorry so sorry for your loss of your brother. Treat her as normal but if you happen to know any adult lesbians, it might be good for her to talk to someone who may understand what she is going through.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 Treat her as you would if she was not a lesbian. What difference does it make if she is attracted to other members of her own gender?
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): Good job Dad :O) first of all as a mother, it sounds like you are doing a great job. Treat this as a learning experience, not just for you, but the both of you. She obviously has a lot of trust in you, and you are VERY lucky for this. But if you go and start putting to many stipulations on her, kiss the trust goodbye. It would be the EXACT same as if it were a boy she was with. Go with the flo. What does it matter "who" she wants to have sex with, as long as it is safe sex. Now, obviously your biggest issue your gonna have, is with EVERY teenager...ATTITUDE at some point. ALL teens have it, male or female. At 14 she doesnt need to be running the streets after 10pm, but when she does bring her gf around, treat her as normal. Dont be shy or freaked out. I am the mother of 2 teen boys who have a few gay friends. One calls me all the time and I love him to death. We sit and talk about...guys...LOL.
New Dad, you seem to be on the right track. Who gives a rats ass what other ppl think, even in your small town. She wanted your "approval" and she got it. Otherwise, you wouldnt know she likes girls. Teen girls can be even harder to deal with than boys...she might even realize after her first real sexual encounter with another girl, its really not her cup of tea. Only time will tell though.
Keep up the great work, and I am very sorry for your losses. That in itself has to be hard to deal with.
The 1 positive thing about this...she most likely not gonna come to you and say she pregnant :) lol
GL :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 Treat it just the same as her coming to you saying she's straight. Treat possible dates just the same as you would dates with guys. Yes she won't run the risk of pregnancy, but she still runs the risk of catching an STD, and sex for the first time, or sex in general, is something special for both females and males. So, treat her just the same regardless of her sexuality. Imagine that whatever girl she dates is a guy and proceed with what you would find suitable. And remember you are her guardian and are allowed to be as old fashioned about dating-rules as you please. If you're not okay with sleepovers then you're allowed to say no.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): This is a tough situation...since you are close to her, i think you should be as supportive as possible of her sexual orientation; because if you love her you'll accept her as she is.
If your town is extra conservative, you may want to shield her from criticism and other effects of narrow minded people. Well..i think you should treat her the same way you would have treated your own kid regarding sex and letting girls come over and all...
It maybe better for her not to publicize the fact that she's a lesbian....not till she can stand on her own feet...but don't stop her from dating...:)
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