A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband hasn't been working for 18 months. He was studying for some certificate but it was all finished two months ago. Now he just stays home all day. I think he is depress now and doesn't have the gut to find a job. I don't know what is he afraid of. I know he has some savings for the past years to let him live without a job maybe for two or three years, but I just think it is wrong to not work for two years cause you have savings. Now he is extremely moody, yells at everything, and puts me down all the time to make himself feel better. He wasn't like that when I first met him. He used to give me gifts and take me to restaurants and places. He was quite proud of his job and career. Now I think he is all lost and pushing me away. We had my interview to adjust for green card today. Because he is very depress and moody recently he used this to threat me. He said he won't go to the interview. I said then don't and don't you dare threaten me with this. Sometimes I felt I made a wrong decision to marry him. I thought he had a nice job and was a responsible man. But now he is unemployed, gained a lot of weight, yelling at me all the time, sleeps all day and don't try to hunt for a job. Today when we went to the green card interview he was nice during the interview, and then barks at me in the car cursing me not to pass it. Recently I just felt like I don't want the stupid marriage and green card. I just don't want to ruin my life staying with him. I stayed with him after all this verbal abuse because he is the first guy I have ever been with, but now I am losing feelings for him and he is losing my respect. What should I do? Being with someone that doesn't know what to do with his life is just too much. I don't know how long can I stand it.
View related questions:
depressed, puts me down Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): I would leave him--don't wait until you adjust your status. Life is too short to be close to someone who is putting you down. You will feel relieved when you have that toxicity out of your life!
My husband has been unemployed for a long time, and he just immigrated here. But he never puts me down (if he does try--and he has, the unemployment turns men evil sometimes--he gets shot down immediately). He has been depressed and moody, but he knows he can't take it out on me.
Unemployment is no excuse (there is none) to threaten your spouse's immigration status. What a jerk.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Men have an extremely hard time being out of work. We have a tendency to identify ourselves by the job we do. When we are out of work, our self-esteem and identity take a huge hit.
I am not sure what you can do here, other than to do your best in supporting him. Try to avoid nagging him about his work, but at the same time, help him look for jobs, and compliment him on things he does well and offer suggestions to make him feel useful.
I've seen this happen a lot, especially in these tough economic times, and it's a tough road. This is where the true character of the man you married comes out. Is he self-reliant, pull himself up by his proverbial bootstraps or is he something else.
You may also want to have him checked out by his doctor. Sounds like he has all the classic indicators of depression. Perhaps counseling / medication would help.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): i hope i dont affend u but he needs big reality check on what he could lose if he carrys down on this path of self distruct you need to get it through to him what his behaviour is doing to your relationship,mayb get him a hobbie as a way of easing him back into work, it may boost his self essteem, or if things get really deserate maybe some professional help like a counsillor, a relationship takes two to make it work otherwise sooner or later its going to run out of steam
...............................
|
