A
male
age
30-35,
*rawsty
writes:This is long, but please read. I really need some adviceSo my girlfriend and I recently, like 2-3 weeks ago, decided to finally start experimenting with sexual desires (ie handjobs and fingering) after 2 1/2 years of dating. Everything was going great and I honestly felt like our relationship couldn't be any better nor could I not feel happy at any time during the day. After the first week of doing it she talked to me and told me that she really didn't feel right about it and that all she could think of was how she was letting her dad and God down, she is ultra conservative. I talked to her and told her that we really aren't doing anything bad and simply voiced my opinion on it. Within a couple of days we started doing it again. Everything was just great and I felt on top of the world with no worries at all. That is until we went to church the following Sunday. While there the preacher started talking about how the devil tricks you in thinking things are okay, when they really aren't. Needless to say she started crying incredibly hard. We left church and went to her house where we had lunch, and after-wards I asked her what all that crying was about in church. She said what I feared and decided she really didn't want to do it anymore. I reluctantly agreed to respect her wishes and carry on with our relationship. Not two days later am I at her house when we start up a conversation about it. She lets me know that she is still upset about it all and that if she doesn't start feeling better she is going to have to talk to her DAD! about it to make her feel better. This completely infuriated me and I just didn't even want to be there anymore. I tried for hours to talk her out of it, but it was like she was dead set on doing that. I was completely freaking out. (ultra conservative daughter, spawns from ultra conservative dad)So I leave for the night feeling the most depressed that I have ever felt and later call her that night to tell her that I am going to sleep. Right before I say goodnight she tells me she talked to her dad about it!!! I was so upset that I just said whatever and goodnight. The next day we were in school and I asked what her dad told her. Apparently he wasn't all that upset about it, which didn't stop me from being extremely upset though, and told her that she doesn't need to put herself in the situation for something like that to happen again. By this he means that she shouldn't do anything that will make her wet because all she is doing is preparing the body for sex.She later goes on to tell me that we can't do anything to put her into that position which includes making out... Excuse me, but we are almost 18 years old and have been dating for 2 1/2 years and you're telling me we can't even make out. Needless to say this has severely depressed me. I don't have the desire to do anything, especially with her, and I don't what I can say to try and talk to her about it. It's very awkward between us now, but only because I'm so upset/depressed about the whole thing. I seriously feel like I can't be happy (non-suicidal though). Please give me your opinions and thoughts as to how I can remedy the situation, as I'm extremely tired of not being able to smile when I'm with her. Are there any points I can bring up that will help? Do I just need to give it some time? I'm seriously at a loss. Also please don't recommend I end the relationship, that is just not an option for me. Thanks so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010): I dated a religious woman for 5.5 years and "respected" her beliefs. It was frustrating at times and the guy below me hit the nail on the head. Emotions aside...if you feel sad, uncomfortable, or feel you are not getting your sexual needs met and feel it is necessary for you to carry on the relationship by having to look elsewhere for intimacy ( i e cheating ), then it is only logical for yout to break things off. You have the right to be frustrated and my frustration turned into me getting my first BJ from a prostitute cause my religious gf had her beliefs and I never forced her to do anything. I should have ended it and I see youre in the early stages of frustration here and sooner or later you will become interested in other women naturally because youre curious to know what they can offer you personality wise and also sexually. I admire you for your respect here def but if this is a big issue and its detrimentla to your personal well being and mental health, my friend, life is short, explore the open ocean. Kind Regards.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 I'm sorry, but you want us to give you "a mass with sex and violence", as a Spanish saying goes. You can't have what you want.
There is no room for compromise here: no kissing, fingering, handjobs, whatever, until you're married. That is her religion, and that is what she feels comfortable with. If you are fine with this, it's OK, and if you're not, then leave.
And, don't feel depressed. Frustrated, maybe.
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