A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,Well here's the situation, me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years and im not sure if ive ever really given her a true orgasm...The other day we were completely alone and i set out rose petals, turned on romantic music, gave her a 30 min massage and then went into the sex (of course foreplay before) but she still didnt orgasm!We talked about it and she said that she's not sure if she does or not becuase sometimes like a small touch feels like a huge pound if girls know what i mean. I've tried everything, and i need to know what yall feel an orgasm is and ANY advice! PLEASE HELP!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFINALLY!!! Thanks everyone :)
A
male
reader, rolfen  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 I think you're too desperate to see her orgasm and that is turning her off. Forget about it for a while.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): It's difficult for either a man or a woman to force an orgasm. You just have to let it happen. If she is too concerned that it won't happen, then it won't happen. You putting pressure on her or her putting pressure on herself to have an orgasm will make it less likely that she will have one.
Read some of the suggestions on the sexinfo101.com site and just allow both of you to relax, but not to the point of being like a wet dishrag. A little tension helps.
Q is right, sex starts in the brain. Not caring or caring too much makes it less likely that a person will get the maximum enjoyment out of sex. Don't be worried that something won't happen and don't get stressed out if it doesn't happen. Look forward to the next session and it eventually will happen. Technique makes a big difference, but often not as much as state of mind. Get the technique right and allow the brain to just relax and not worry so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll these things were very helpful! Thanks so much! I'll try to get her to start tensing up more and im sure things will work out! Thanks everyone so much!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): "She should know when she has one. It's kind of unmistakable. There will be some rhythmic contractions of her vagina."
They are weak for some women. Some women have weak pelvic floor muscles, while others can almost crack walnuts. My wife is one who has weak contractions most of the time. She can't squeeze hard even when she tries and she has done Kegels. Her abdominal, back and leg muscles tense up, but the vaginal contractions are weak.
"The other thing is that she needs to engage her muscles in her thighs and groin--some muscle tension helps. If she is just lying there, with flaccid muscles, I don't think she'll have an orgasm."
Excellent point. If she is just lying there with her legs flat then she is too relaxed. It works great if her legs are wrapped around your head, with her feet on your back. You don't want her crushing your head, but some muscle tension and movement helps.
Another thing that helps is to keep your hands active, rubbing her thighs, stomach, breasts, sides or whatever she likes best. Gently, not to the point of tickling, but almost there. My wife also likes to have her nipples pinched when she is getting close and during her orgasm, but I have no idea if that is common at all.
During intercourse, some women who have trouble having an orgasm with intercourse will have one with stimulation of a certain spot. That spot will vary with each woman and some will not have any spot at all. The only spot for my wife is her ear. It is sensitive and if I lick it during intercourse, she can have a weak orgasm most of the time.
My wife also has better orgasms after a couple of glasses of wine. We don't do that often, but it is nice at times. About 20 oz of wine and she can have them every 60 seconds until she is exhausted. Five seems to be her limit before she asks me to stop. I don't recommend drinking that much wine on a daily basis or even once a week, but dry red wine seems to work great for her. Not so great for me though.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): I don't think so either. I'm thinking that she is getting close to an orgasm and is getting more sensitive. Try letting up on the tongue pressure at that point or have her tell you when she is getting too sensitive so that you can start being more gentle with the stimulation. A penis can be handled pretty roughly, but the clitoris seems to me to be more sensitive and needs more gentle stimulation.
If she were having an orgasm, I don't think that she would sit up quickly. The orgasm would last at least a few seconds. Now she will likely be very sensitive after the orgasm, just like guys are very sensitive after an orgasm, but some women will want you to keep going and possibly have another orgasm. That is the way that my wife is. I've only been with a few women, but I've never had one act as you describe.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 She should know when she has one. It's kind of unmistakable. There will be some rhythmic contractions of her vagina.
Perhaps you're focusing too much on her clitoris. It can get over-sensitive. Or she just needs to allow the tension to build to the point of no return.
The other thing is that she needs to engage her muscles in her thighs and groin--some muscle tension helps. If she is just lying there, with flaccid muscles, I don't think she'll have an orgasm. I know we tell woment to 'relax' but that can be counterproductive. She needs the push, the "oomph", if you will, to tip her over the edge.
If you aren't threatened, and you sound like you are working very hard to get her there, so I think you'll be okay, buy a small vibrator and try that. Let her experience one and then she can figure out how to get there with you.
If she is uncertain about whether she had one or not, she hasn't had one. This isn't atypical, alas, I have a friend who has two children, is happily married and has never had one.
Good for you for being so diligent in helping her. She needs to do some of the work herself, with the muscle tension and trying the vibe. Have fun trying!
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A
female
reader, ChristineAvril +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Yes - she got there!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I've tried many things including oral sex but when im giving her oral sex there's a point where she sits up really fast and says no more. and when i touch her clit she says its really sensitive, so, i guess what im asking is that her orgasm...?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): Many women, probably most, cannot orgasm with intercourse. Most women, perhaps nearly all, can easily orgasm with oral sex. My wife can have multiple orgasms with oral sex, but rarely has one with intercourse. When she has 2 or 3 orgasms with oral during foreplay, then she says that she doesn't care if she has another one with intercourse. She would rather that I just enjoy it and not concentrate on her having another one. She likes intercourse without an orgasm as long as I take care of her before that. Another women who I dated many years ago told me the same thing.Here is good site on sex:http://www.sexinfo101.com/Here is the section on female orgasms:http://www.sexinfo101.com/ic_femaleorgasms.shtmlHere is the section on giving her oral:http://www.sexinfo101.com/pw_cunnilingus.shtmlTry it. You will both like it. At least my wife and I do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Believe it or not, she might be feeling the same pressure TO orgasm that you have to MAKE her orgasm. It is a good sign she is not faking because a lot of women do that to spare their partners feeling. If she is feeling pressure it will hard for her to be fully relaxed. An orgasm is just as much mental as it is physical so if she is worrying so much about it, it will not happen. With that said, the problem may not be you, it may be her. Try telling her to relax and just enjoy what feels good. Tell her to focus on the sensations occuring at the moment instead of just focusing on "finishing" Sex is a whole process not just an ending!
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 A lot of women (me included) can not have vaginal orgasms. We can only achieve orgasm through clitorial stimulation. Why don't you get her to masturbate in front of you and see how she does it to herself then you'll know how best to stimulate her.
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Yes. Women feel orgasms. It could be that your girl is a little too inexperienced, yet. But each woman is different! Some will swing from the chandelier while others may just sorta gasp.
Read: Kim Cattrall's book "The Art of the Female Orgasm" BOTH of you should from the sounds of things. The best thing you can do is learn how both the human functions and reacts in this area.
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